• Page:
  • 1

TOPIC: Help

Help 5 months 3 weeks ago #103555

  • McGrath
  • McGrath's Avatar Topic Author
  • Offline
  • Fresh Boarder
  • Fresh Boarder
  • Posts: 1
  • Thank you received: 0
Hi
My ex knows I am currently not working and that the CSA is auto collecting the amount they deem as fit from my benefits, however as a result she continually sends me upsetting messages and more importantly makes inappropriate comments about me to the kids.
When we separated she moved a considerable distance away from the family home in Wembley; taking the kids to Dunstable without any prior notice to myself and I was given no input or asked about preferences for the children's education and schools and continues to ignore my requests for updates and info on open evenings etc..
Initially she would either drop or collect the kids in her car and I would do the reciprocal journey via train or coach but she has totally refused to do this for the last 3 years and given my financial situation this has on occasion led to several months where we have only seen each other on line.
Over the last 2 years I have experienced some severe health issues and have also been made redundant which has exacerbated the situation further but her abuse continues. On a number of occasions she has stated that I will never see the kids again and also that she intends to take them out of the country permanently without informing me of their location or when.
I have text message evidence of these threats and personal witnesses.
In addition she frequently comes to London with the children for work and to visit family and friends passing directly past my home in with the kids in her car but still will not even discuss allowing them to visit - all the more hurtful as often she is dropping them off with a relative / childminder while she works.
Throughout all of this I have tried to look for solutions including a transfer via my workplace at the time to a site nearer to the kids but sadly she only again threatened to move to another location.
I have tried to understand where this hate and spite come from but I give up - She pays no rent or bills and lives with her partner who owns his own home outright and it was her who cancelled our private maintenance arrangement and went to the CSA, (Who took less then I was giving anyway).
I just want time with my kids and for their mother to be more respectful of the law in terms of the threats she is making.
What can I do ?

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Help 5 months 3 weeks ago #103556

It seems your only option is to go through the courts for contact. It is a long process but it has to be done. Whatever reasons she is giving to stop you seeing them will be discussed then. Try mediation, if that fails, you will have to submit a C100 form to start the process.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Help 5 months 3 weeks ago #103597

  • actd
  • actd's Avatar
  • Offline
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 11137
  • Thank you received: 1725
I agree that you need to go through the courts. What makes you case unusual, if you have it in writing/text, is that generally the courts don't generally issue prohibited steps orders preventing the mother from moving area, unless the move is simply to prevent access - normally there is no proof of this, but if you have proof of what she has said about moving again, you might be able to get a PSO to prevent this.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Help 5 months 3 weeks ago #103616

In addition to the other comments I’d she’s sending you cr@p send her a message saying If she sends one more thing to cause you distress you will report it to the police for harassment and if she does so then you have to and tell the Police you don’t want to make it official this occasion but you feel it neecessary for them to intervene .
Also the courts will not like her denigrating you in front of the kids so bring that up in court and they will make it part of the order she doesn’t do so . My ex was telling my kids rubbish about me and I had evidence . It’s in an order now it doesn’t happen

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Help 5 months 3 weeks ago #103617

hi,

you should not have to put up with upsetting or threatening messages. if they are stressing you out and you don't want to receive such messages, you make that clear to your ex. if it still carries on then you file a non-urgent police report for harassment and show them all the messages as evidence.

the part where she is threatening to take kids out the country and disappear, will make her look so awful in family court and they would not ignore such matters.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Help 5 months 3 weeks ago #103646

It's best not to give the ex a warning that you are going to the police. Just do it if and when you feel it is necessary. (I made the mistake of warning my ex so she claimed harassment.)

You need to down to a police station and ask for their domestic violence officer. You may have to wait a couple of hours or come back on a different day before you speak to an officer.

What I found is the female domestic violence officers have seen it all - women claiming harrassment when they are the perpetrators - while the male ones automatically think you are the perpetrator.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Page:
  • 1
Moderators: Samantha Downes