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TOPIC: Normal procedure?

Normal procedure? 3 months 3 weeks ago #104840

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Hello everyone....
The mother of 2 of my grandchildren has refused contact between my son and his 2 children aged 10 & 5.
The police became involved upon the mothers insistence and my son was warned of a possible arrest for alleged harassment. This was last week, when he was due to collect the children.

During this week he had a phone call from the Children’s Service ( I assume they used to be known as Social Service?) and during this particular call it came to light that my son was alleged to have dragged the older child down a flight of stairs with the hand of the child behind the child’s back.
My son was able to refute this and pointed out that the mother had instructed him “ to drag the child down the stairs if that what it takes” via text message. The child was sitting on the 3 rd step from the bottom and as soon as the child
got up he let go.
Anyway....Children’s Services are perfectly happy to have contact re-establishes as soon as possible but insist that my son makes a recorded statement at the police station.
Once they deem him not to be a danger to his children he will ( hopefully) see them again.
As soon as it is in writing he can also visit the school etc.....
I have never heard of this before.
Is this normal procedure?

Please advise us as to what he should do next.

Thank you so much
Take care
Kirsten

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Normal procedure? 3 months 3 weeks ago #104844

Your son needs to not text/ring or speak to ex partner at all now. If contact is to be arranged then you should ring /text his ex for now. This then prevent police arresting him and making contact with children even more complicated. social services cant actually stop contact they can only advise. to stop contact they would have to have very serious welfare issues where its an emergency situation.

You need as soon as next contact refused is apply to family court for a child arrangement order by filling out a c100 . you don't need to go to police station and make a recorded statement. if police had an issue you would be arrested, making recorded statements will make things even more hostile . I expect childrens services have already closed the case and ex partner text saying to do what it takes etc. all your son has to do is to say what ex saying hasn't happened and not factual if asked.

You are meant to attempt mediation before filling out a c100, but sooner you go to family court the better

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Normal procedure? 3 months 3 weeks ago #104845

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Thank you so much. According to Children’s Services he needs to speak to the Police so they can my son is no danger to his children and close the case .
I am a bit uneasy about this....I never heard anyone saying that it is down to the Police whether or not contact can be resumed....hence my question. Well...the mother has point blank refused mediation and we will hopefully be able to pick up the certificate on Tuesday and drop everything off at the court.....what a crying shame it had to come down to this.....the poor kids.

Kirsten

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Normal procedure? 3 months 3 weeks ago #104846

It is sometimes best just to go to family court and have a order drawn up where you have regular contact. police and social services should respect the fact you are going to family court as well to sort it out. they should close the case anyway and there is no need to speak to police as nothing happened.
if there was an issue police would of come round and arrested your son. make sure you maintain that he done nothing wrong and don't which is a common mistake get involved in mud slinging in family court. I would fully focus on concentrating on getting a great child contact order.

What kind of contact was your son getting before she stopped it all?

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Normal procedure? 3 months 2 weeks ago #104851

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My son and his ex( partner) had one of the most amicable agreements known to man and it worked well until this happened. My son moved back home and had the children 2 nights every week...more during holidays and if and when the need arose. Very informal but structured. During the last half term holiday he had the children for almost a week and he flew to Scotland with them both which they enjoyed. My husband and I were able to take the children and their cousin abroad for a week last year...they had a great time and often expressed a wish to go back to the place we holidayed at. So from all that to nothing is heartbreaking for all of us....

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Normal procedure? 3 months 2 weeks ago #104853

hmm your sons ex now you said all this clearly got on with you very well until latest incident. also he had a good contact order. maybe before you put your c100 in to family court is to write his ex a heartfelt email/message to try and resolve things in a mediation like way if that makes sense. It may just maybe might make her come round a bit especially where everything was previously fine. just a thought

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Normal procedure? 1 month 2 weeks ago #106310

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Hi....
Much more has happened since the last reply. My son was served with an ex-parte Non- Mol order, the hearing was via phone on at the beginning of last month. The judge did say that the allegations were not proven but the order would stay!!!! The judge also said that there was room for negotiations as the order did not apply to the children. However, my sons ex partner has stipulated that he can no longer pick the children up from school ( he used to pick them up from school one day every two weeks) which means,he has lost one overnight contact per fortnight. The older child 10yrs) has completely refused any contact and has stated that she never wants to see her dad or his family ever again....!!! Mum does very little to encourage any form of contact because she believes that the daughter is old enough to make such decisions.....she is 10 years old...soon to be 11.
Mum stated in a text message to my son shortly before she got the non-mol order that their daughter is “ an accomplished liar and I don’t know what to believe “ The last time I saw my older granddaughter was at the beginning of February when they returned from their trip to Scotland. There was no indication of anything being amiss.....we hugged as we always did....and as I habitually do I tell her that I love her to bits and that I / we are am always there if any of them need us.
Her sister on the other hand is happy to be here....she will be 6 years old soon and doesn’t want to return home. She gets very upset and withdrawn when it’s time to go home.
Now...why does Dad have to accept 2 nights less per month contact when prior to these negotiations the arrangements worked fine and no issues arose? What would you do if your child announces never wanting to see you again? So far my son has complied with most suggestions put forward by the ex’s solicitor, but with regards to having less contact he is digging his heels in....The solicitor indicated that once my son apologised to his elder daughter she would resume contact.....he did apologise to her in person ( he saw her for all of 5 minutes) , she agreed that he already apologised before ,acknowledged that he apologised again and gave him a hug, gave my husband ( he is there as a witness at hand overs) a huge hug and a kiss and that was it....what’s your view with going forward from here? We all miss the older one very much and would love to see her again.

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Last Edit: by Kirsten.

Normal procedure? 1 month 2 weeks ago #106312

Is your son in anyway going through the courts for CAO?

That's what he should do at this point.

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Normal procedure? 1 month 2 weeks ago #106313

yes if your son has not applied for a child arrangement order, i think he should do as soon as possible. you mentioned that one child is saying they don't want to see dad. its a tricky as courts tend to listen to childrens views/wishes around age 10-11. just hope their mum has not been brainwashing child. if it goes to court, social worker (cafcass) can investigate and recommend whats best for the children.

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Normal procedure? 1 month 2 weeks ago #106331

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Thank you for your replies. He is still in negotiations with his ex-partners solicitor as it was agreed that as soon as agreement was reached the paper would be notarised and put in place of a CAO as well as forming part of the non-mol. This makes my son reluctant to go down the C100 route....plus the fact...that his ex does not believe in “ forcing” the girl to see her dad....and yes, I strongly suspect that mum has...in parts anyway....brainwashed the girl. Shortly before all this kicked off the girl in question texted me on more than one occasion that she wanted to live with us....and a week later we are the greatest enemies that ever walked this planet......
But....could this be a phase? Have other members have had experiences similar to this...ie child not wanting to visit ? How did you deal with it?

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Normal procedure? 1 month 2 weeks ago #106335

You may have had an amicable arrangement in the past that has worked; however, there is a non-mole order now so things have drastically changed. This type of situation is not unusual where children are concerned, the ex is friendly at first but then starts to get cold feet.

Solicitors will play games and try all the underhanded tactics available to them. I would write to the solicitor and set a deadline as to when you are expecting to receive a copy of the order. If the deadline is not met, then let the solicitor know that you will be filing a C100 with the courts. Cafcass/Social Services may well get involved but this may not be a bad thing in your situation; I appreciate that the wishes/feelings of your 10 year old may well be taken into account, but I have read further below that you have a 5 year old too.

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