Hello all I hope you are all safe in these scary times !
Right so my son and his ex !
He split from her about 5 months ago - she kicked him out and his 2 year old son at the same time.
She did this as they were arguing and he was on her couch anyways.
The 2 year old lives with her all of the time.
She is very controlling.
Agrees to us having baby till 6 pm then rings up and says she wont be there to drop off so hes got to stay with us .
Ok that's fine get baby settled and fed and bathed and in bed.
Then at 9 get police ringing up saying Mum is worried and concerned about babies welfare !
reason why she did this as she didn't want son to go out on his works Xmas do - even though he looked after baby to cover her works do.
Anyway she has agreed to mediation and they have been 3 times.
The mediator has been very supportive and helped son as it is affecting his mental health.
She is constantly texting him and insulting him saying hes like his birth father who was abusive.
She still drops contact whenever she fancies.
LAtest example is the virus - the missus has asthma so is isolating herself so as he is living with us shes used that as an excuse to deny access.
It is affecting baby as he gets really clingy and then gets better with time.
Except until right now when she is texting demanding supplies as she cant afford them!
Son pays £300 a month for baby son a month.
My question is can we go for an arrangements order now or wait till hes has had another few mediation sessions as I read that the idea is to have 5 or 6 sessions.
WE need to have something set in absolute stone for the baby well being and my sons as she thinks she is the ultimate judge and jury on EVERYTHING and doesn't listen to anyone.
She has had a fool of herself numerous times with the mediator.
Son is seeing a help group and on medication to help with past trauma which is fine.
he isnt under any CPN and he is holding down a full time job successfully and spends all his spare time with his son.
if your son thinks the mediation is not getting anywhere and is a waste of time and money, he can make that clear to the mediator. hopefully the mediator agrees and will tell him that he needs to go to court and get an arrangements order.
what kind of arrangements does your son have? if he went to court, he should be able to see child every other weekend, mid-week visits, half of school holidays etc. can get fixed times like collect child 5pm on friday, return 5pm on sunday.
Unfortunately in majority of cases, it always seems to start in the same way. With my partners situation he used to ask when he could see his baby and the mother would set a day and time and then she wouldn't be home and call the police on him as he was outside her address! The child needs stability and constant contact not sporadic contact.
So, given you have gone to mediation (and it is good that his ex is even willing to go, as in our case, the mother refused to attend) I would suggest going for a child arrangement order. I would suggest to speak to the mediator, and get the form signed by them to apply for a child arrangement order. You could always ask in the meantime, to continue having mediation sessions if both parties are willing and if they come up with an agreement that your son is happy with, there is no harm continuing with the court agreement to get it legally agreed.
I would definitely advise your son to think about the type of agreement he would like and make it age appropriate and think about the future to prevent going back to court. I.E when child begins school, during school holidays the father is to have increased contact time, explaining how this is to be built in a way that is appropriate for the child.
I would also suggest that they only communicate via dedicated email address solely for the purpose of contact with the child or via messages only or via contact book - this is for his own safety if the mother is talking over the phone and calling the police, there is no evidence of what has been said etc, and having everything in writing will hopefully deter this type of behaviour as there is written evidence/trail.
What arrangement does he currently have with his ex?
Hi all and thanks for your advice.
He does have a communication book that mediator advised to use.
She continues to send horrible text messages to him pulling him down all the time.
He has an agreement with her that he has baby one day over the weekend and one night at week.
The 1 night through the week is crap as he’s tired when he gets here about 7 has a bath and bed.
She changes this as and when it suits her.
She has said he can’t take baby on holiday this year.
She sees herself as the ultimate authority and is always questioning what my son is doing with his son and it’s never good enough .
Until now he takes him to play areas to butterfly houses and to the park but it’s not ok.
She needs strict rules and to be told in no uncertain terms it’s got nothing to do with her what baby is doing when he’s with his dad
He has rung social services today to complain and he’s speaking to mediator Tomortow .
We want an arrangement order that will cover holidays too.
Son wants to have baby from Thursday evening to Sunday night as he’s not at school yet.
as the child is over 2 years of age, overnight stays are ok if this goes to court. but however they don't like to let child have mid-week overnight stays at that age. this is what i found out when i went through court. court social worker (cafcass) refused to recommend mid-week overnight for my 5 year old and 2 year old kids (ex refused point blank as well). got fri-sun overnights, every other weekend, and few hours midweek after school, your son ex is allowing a mid-week overnights which is good. but he should work to have that time improved, so can pick up child earlier, say 4pm? it might aswell become school pick up time 15:30, so it becomes routine when child starts school.
court gave me permission to take kids on holidays in UK and abroad. cafcass may recommend a gradual increase to that. e.g in first year she only recommend that i take kids for a short holiday in UK. then 2nd year & going forward, i can take them abroad. your son should ask for half of school holidays. good idea to future-proof the order as much as possible. be wary about phone contact or providing a phone to the ex. will open up a can of worms.