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TOPIC: Covid-19 highlights how shared care fails children

Covid-19 highlights how shared care fails children 1 week 3 days ago #105121

This week's quick Government backpedal on the UK Lockdown procedure is a clear demonstration of why shared care doesn't work.

In all walks of life, when the shit hits the fan, key and pivotal decisions come down one individual or one committee where a majority vote is possible - note: 2 individuals do not form a committee.

Even the Government instinctively came to the right conclusion - saying initially that "no, children should not be passed back-and-forth under the present circumstances", only to then receive a bit of pressure and then say, "ok, ok, even though it is completely inconsistent with what everyone else has to do, even partners / boyfriends / girlfriends, we will say that children under 18 can (not must) pass between households." But... it's up to you to be responsible parents and agree. (In come the dancing fairies and rainbows spouting skittles and gold coins.)

Recognising that co-parents don't always get along, stepping in is the Rt. Hon. Sir Andrew McFarlane, President of the Family Division and Head of Family Justice, to lend us some clarity and further advice - thank the Lord! ( www.judiciary.uk/announcements/coronavir...-arrangement-orders/ ) Except... it elaborates that, well, basically if you make a decision to protect your child and your family, and your co-parent takes you to court over that decision afterwards, if you aren't found to be in line with Government guidance (which is basically a backpedal, and total bullocks relative to the risk of infection and, well, death) then you may find yourself in a world of trouble.

Thanks family court. Maybe try listening to children for a change? What would you want as a small child being told there is a dangerous virus all around us??!? Or think about it from the most attached / parental parent in the situation - on balance, how would you protect your child given the co-parent has historically proven to be less responsible / more selfish / less stable?

So basically, if you live in a shared care situation, it's ok to put your child/ren and your household at higher risk. And you have to trust your less responsible co-parent to do the right thing for 3 whole fucking weeks.

Thanks, Boris and pals.

In my situation, I am a father with a child who does not want to go to mum's each week in the first place. This is all thanks to the Family Court - the sham that it is. I am a dad who had full custody / residency (whatever), and then the court basically said to me, "you're just a man, and mums are super important, and even though you've highlighted that mum's a compulsive liar (and provided ample evidence of this), and that she and her situation are not stable, it's all about communication and trust, and even though it might not be the best thing for your child, we're forcing your child into shared care." Ok, so I have to trust someone who lies, tells my child to keep secrets from me, and has a history of not parenting? Here we are in Covid-19 territory, and, well, for fuck's sake, Family Court!

Thanks Family Court. You lot are officially awful.

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Covid-19 highlights how shared care fails children 1 week 3 days ago #105122

am dealing with toxic monster woman. she wont allow me to take kids. so i offered to give a laptop for skype calls. she replies saying she will only accept a phone, which comes with data. told her that i dont have a spare phone and not in a position to buy one as im having financial difficulties like a lot of people. so she wont budge. so now i am stuck. think making a court application over this would be a waste of time.

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Covid-19 highlights how shared care fails children 1 week 2 days ago #105144

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Why does it need data? Wifi is all it needs, in which case a cheap phone with a camera is all that's needed - you could try getting one with a data sim on a one month rolling contract and cancel after the first month and use wifi after that, that way it might get the phone in use.

But agree, there is absolutely no excuse for refusing the laptop.

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Covid-19 highlights how shared care fails children 1 week 1 day ago #105150

actd wrote: Why does it need data? Wifi is all it needs, in which case a cheap phone with a camera is all that's needed - you could try getting one with a data sim on a one month rolling contract and cancel after the first month and use wifi after that, that way it might get the phone in use.

But agree, there is absolutely no excuse for refusing the laptop.


hopefully court will see how unreasonable she is being. cafcass woman is in middle of doing section 7 report. have call with her next week. some people just can not be helped or reasoned with.

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Covid-19 highlights how shared care fails children 1 week 1 day ago #105154

That's an interesting point.

I guess the problem is it needs to be broad brush strokes. Otherwise it would seem lots of children wouldn't be seeing their dads if you were to turn that around on its head. I imagine lots of mums saying their children are safer with them then using that as an excuse. And I imagine most people on this forum are here because they have heard lots of excuses and been treated unfairly.

To my mind it seems good, overall, that children can see both parents in this situation. However, obviously this won't work out for everyone like it probably hasn't in your situation.

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Covid-19 highlights how shared care fails children 1 week 1 day ago #105155

Can't she use her own mobile or laptop? I sympathise I am dealing with a similarly unyielding individual.

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Covid-19 highlights how shared care fails children 1 week 1 day ago #105158

JohnStockport wrote: Can't she use her own mobile or laptop? I sympathise I am dealing with a similarly unyielding individual.


no, totally unreasonable. became vindictive and heartless ever since marriage ended.

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Covid-19 highlights how shared care fails children 1 week 1 day ago #105167

Do you think that is her or advise she is being given? I am in the same boat as you and I can't figure it out.

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Covid-19 highlights how shared care fails children 1 week 1 day ago #105168

JohnStockport wrote: Do you think that is her or advise she is being given? I am in the same boat as you and I can't figure it out.


i think its her. but there is family influence when it comes to school holidays and them wanting the kids there every weekend.

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Covid-19 highlights how shared care fails children 1 week 22 hours ago #105191

JohnStockport wrote: That's an interesting point.

I guess the problem is it needs to be broad brush strokes. Otherwise it would seem lots of children wouldn't be seeing their dads if you were to turn that around on its head. I imagine lots of mums saying their children are safer with them then using that as an excuse. And I imagine most people on this forum are here because they have heard lots of excuses and been treated unfairly.

To my mind it seems good, overall, that children can see both parents in this situation. However, obviously this won't work out for everyone like it probably hasn't in your situation.


I am 100% behind the mums who say that their children are safest with them and that they need the security of the "lives with / spends time" with label to an order. As I said, this situation with Covid-19 highlights why "lives with / lives with" is unacceptable in what I suspect is many (if not most) cases.

In my case, I think of myself has having fulfilling both mum and dad roles for my child until mum wanted back on the scene. Gender doesn't come into it - it's about who is the safest, most responsible, and simply the better parent. The problem is that our Family Courts and Cafcass are too risk-averse and under-resourced to even try to assess the evidence, nor to obtain it where it's insufficient, to come to clear conclusions about what's really best for children. The result? Default to shared care.

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Last Edit: by ChildCentredDad.

Covid-19 highlights how shared care fails children 1 week 10 hours ago #105194

I have already made a point on this subject on this firum not sure if you can migrate this to this discussion

X

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Covid-19 highlights how shared care fails children 1 week 8 hours ago #105196

Pdorset wrote: I have already made a point on this subject on this firum not sure if you can migrate this to this discussion

X


Yes - I just saw your predicament ( www.dad.info/forum/legal-eagle/52298-cor...gement-orders#104991 ), and I'm sorry to hear about your troubles.

My only response relative to my standpoint is, "what is truly safest and most secure for your child?"

This is a pandemic - this isn't some hurricane or terrorist attack, or whatever. It is very different and in many ways at the moment worse than any natural disaster or specific threat. It can get anyone at any time, and when you go to get help, it may not be there because the NHS is overwhelmed. You may die.

From my perspective, whatever keeps the child safest over the next 3 weeks, 3 months, 6 months, 18 months - whatever the duration has to be before we have things under control again - that's what we should be doing.

Legally, of course, the Government and lawyers everywhere have been saying to continue with child arrangements "as normal" as long as noone is officially classed as vulnerable and therefore self-isolating. Funny enough, I am classed as vulnerable, but not vulnerable enough apparently. I've been through all the guidance, and I can't officially self-isolate because of my child. (It's madness!)

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Last Edit: by ChildCentredDad.
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