In Aug'2012 i was convicted of a sex offense (inappropriate touching of an adult model during a photo shoot), my community order was from 2012 to 2017 and i was on the "record" for those 5 years.
I divorced in Oct'2013 (so i was living with ex and dd from conviction to this date most of the time), and until Feb'2020 I had a 50-50 arrangement with my ex-wife, where my daughter would be here one week, and with her the other week. Since Oct'2013 I had au-pairs to support me(some knew about my conviction as my ex told our daughter, and she would bring it up during playing dolls a lot), but i have always been very involved - i do all meals, try to work from home as much as possible, go on and do activities like museums or trips abroad, we have pets, healthy meals. To the point that most of my friends hope they could juggle everything as i do (i wake up at 5 am and go to bed at 10 or 11 pm to juggle a balanced work-life for my daughter)
Then something happened (or something was triggered in my ex) and she went to solicitors and accused me of neglecting our daughter and emotionally abusing her (I was just coming back from a ski trip with my daughter and my fiancé abroad ...). I am learning how to navigate the process and i am curious about other people's experiences:
- I have spoken to a solicitor, and i have been transparent about my criminal record
- that is the ONLY thing in my record, never been visited by the police or have any other cautions nor convictions
- i don't drink, don't do drugs
- my conviction has 'expired' 3 years ago - and contact has been continuous from 2012 to recently
- I have lots of evidence (photos, doodles at home, videos) of how my relationship with my daughter is healthy (for example videos of us chatting about religions or science during dog walks) and fun (photos paragliding or coming down a waterslide).
- I have always over-paid on my regular child maintenance, i have a trust fund for my daughter, and also end up buying things when my ex can't afford them (eye glasses)
I am not perfect - obviously, just a normal human being, I do have a character like everyone else, but regarding my daughter I try to be a model of a man - and made a big mistake in 2011, and I don't want her to judge her future relationships based on my mistake. I don't yell, don't bribe, I do show her how privileged she is, and to an extent I am the authoritative parent (mom bought her the phone, so mum can decide that she can have snapchat, tiktok, whatsapp and other stuff at 10 years old), with me she has timers on digital stuff in order to have a good life balance.
Now, I don't expect anyone to have the same situation, but I would definitely benefit from some input from similar ones.
2011 conviction would be classed as historic. I would attempt mediation to try amd resolve issues. If no joy then you would need to take your ex partner to court. At moment talking to ex and mediation the best suggestions. I would avoid family court until restrictions are lifted.
You could in meantime only pay what csm would expect you to pay in child maintenance
Until csm get in touch with you theres nothing you have to pay. Unfortunately they wouldnt base it on your old 50 50 arrangement. It would be whatever your ex has told them until you get a court order stating how many nights . Surprised there was no mediation , maybe she is claiming theres domestic violence