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TOPIC: Court order not want my children want

Court order not want my children want 8 months 3 weeks ago #105796

Hi all

After some thoughts

On 3rd March court awarded me with 5/14, Fri-Sun and the following Weds/Thurs. Prior to that I had the following Monday night too, so 6/14. I basically lost a night due to ex’s lies in court.

6 weeks on it is clear this is it what my two children want, they have just been picked up and taken away kicking and screaming wanting to stay with me. My ex bundled my daughter (5) into the car and my son (7) was then blamed when he opened the car door to get in and my daughter jumped out and ran back into my house.

Ex is suggesting I put them off going to her, yet it is me stood telling my son to go and let me sort it out, the exact same happened on Good Friday.

So what can I do?

Ex’s sole driver is child maintenance.

She is suggesting they need counselling to help with the transition between houses, yet it is only when she gets them from me that a problem arises. She even text some veiled threat that said she wouldn’t be discussing this with me directly, so guess we wait and see what that means,

My children want to spend half their time with me, in part because my partner is here with her two boys and that makes it a more fun place to be,

Ex told the court the children often didn’t want to come with me and that she didn’t want any hand overs to be at her house as I was hostile towards her and a bully, (day after the court hearing she suggested we meet in a coffee shop to discuss the new arrangements)!!

So what do I do as I can’t sit and watch my two being bundled off to somewhere they don’t want to be going for lengths of time that cause them separation issues. I’m half tempted to start with social services but not sure they’ll really help.

Ideas welcomed

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Court order not want my children want 8 months 3 weeks ago #105797

hi,

I wouldn't bother with social services. they will just tell you to go back to court.
its normal for kids to often throw a fit when they have to leave one parents house. we have to get used to it.

i been to court lately, and could barely get the school holidays shared equally, as ex does not want kids staying more than 3 nights. have to deal with irrational nonsense like this. my kids ages are 6, 3 and 1. its because their so young the courts usually give us some restrictive order. when there older, I don't think any parent or court order will be able to hold them back ;)

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Disclaimer: I am not a lawyer or trained professional. I am not in a position to give legal advice. Please consult a qualified professional for legal advice.

Court order not want my children want 8 months 3 weeks ago #105801

I know Bill, but when I’m having to tell my son he has to go with his mum when he doesn’t want to is pretty soul destroying

Then ex accuses me of encouraging him not to go when I’m the one encouraging him to go.

Ex then says my two need counselling to make movements easier - they don’t - they just want more time with me

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Court order not want my children want 8 months 3 weeks ago #105803

Your order dont seem too bad. I assume this is your 1st court order and what you previous had was mutually agreed. If this is the case you havent really lost out. It will be better for you when kids return school. Maybe further down line u could if ex hostile return and variate order so you have children fri from school drop off school monday during term time

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Court order not want my children want 8 months 3 weeks ago #105804

I guess the point is why should I be pushing my son away to his mum when he doesn’t want to go ?? Doesn’t feeL right

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Court order not want my children want 8 months 3 weeks ago #105805

They are very young. They will want to go to their mum. Kids sense hostility and if they been with you there can be split loyalty and confusion. Cause of this handovers are a nightmare. You have children every weekend

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Court order not want my children want 8 months 3 weeks ago #105810

Warwickshire, appreciate your comments, but why should I be forcing my son to do something he doesn’t want to do? All he and his sister want are equal time with both parents and their mother is only stopping this due to child maintenance payments. I can’t see that’s fair on them but there seems no easy solution.

They now don’t see me for 7 days, over Easter they didn’t see me for 14 days and you could see the effect. My ex restricting their time with me is actually causing them to ask for more. It’s a counter productive way of behaving.

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Court order not want my children want 8 months 3 weeks ago #105812

You have very good contact and potential to increase to more in future. I would be happy if i was you. Your children are too young to make decisions and you not far off half.
You got 10 nights and if yournex remains difficult it will become 12. Infact you got them every weekend so you have them more than your ex does anyway

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Court order not want my children want 8 months 2 weeks ago #105816

Hi

Just to clarify I have 5 nights in 14 not 10.

Fri-Sun, then the following Weds/Thurs, then they don’t see me until the following Friday so a 7 night gap.

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Court order not want my children want 8 months 2 weeks ago #105817

I know you have 5 in 14 thats why i wrote 10 based on 4 weeks. You have every weekend dont you and 2 wednesdays which i would say is very good contact with potential to increase to 12 in 4 weeks in future.

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Court order not want my children want 8 months 2 weeks ago #105818

Harry,

You really need to chill and appreciate what you have. I'm telling you this from a position of having some insight into how the court, ss and cafcass see these things having been in an out of the court for quite a few years.

First, the children are young, kicking and screaming can happen. I have vivid memories of me and my siblings kicking and screaming as we were led away from our grandpas back home. The reality is that all I wanted was endless ice cream and to roam around their farm estate, which was wholly different to the way we lived.

Second, the court is not going to look very favourably to you going back to court to alter an agreement you just had. 5-6 year old wishes and feelings are not going to dictate a change.

Third, the court will place some responsibility on yourself to ease these transitions, and I could, perhaps unfairly to you, sense over-concern, if not some jubilation that the kids love you so much that they kick and scream when they go back to their moms. You need to see the bigger picture and reassure them that you will see them again, and that kicking and screaming is not acceptable behaviour. Dare I say a court is going to ask some serious questions if this continues and you're walking a dangerous line.

Last, play the long game - barring your ex agreeing (which doesn't seem to be) or her becoming a literal crackwhore, the status quo will not change. You have the luxury of having a somewhat communicative ex, albeit you're not making things easy and she may lash out out of spite and only the kids and you will bear the brunt. Many of us have it far far worse, and the reality of the court system is that she can make things much more difficult for you with little impact to her.

I would seriously urge you to stop the self and kid pity party, and be the strong firm dad your kids need - your kids will reflect your behaviour, and a clingy non-confident kid is not what you want.

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Last Edit: by flyingember.

Court order not want my children want 8 months 2 weeks ago #105819

Hi

Appreciate the comments re the long game and believe me it is me standing on the doorstep telling my son he needs to go with his mum and let me sort things out not for him to do that.

I don’t tell him he shouldn’t go. And yes I’m sure my ex out of spite will find some way to use this, after all she just lied her way through court, at her own cost!

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