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TOPIC: Advice wanted

Advice wanted 1 month 2 weeks ago #106617

Hello gentlemen, I hope you are doing well under lockdown, and keeping stafe,
I have some issues I need help with,



So I seperated from my ex, and our two children, I suffered from mental health issues after my dad had a stroke in 2018, when my first born was 2 months old, from there I recieved no help from the NHS and social services put the kids on a child at risk plan to "speed things up" in terms of helping me, I fought it as hard as I could, and said due to mental health issues with myself and my ex, they were at risk of future emotional abuse, being exposed to it as a child myself, all I've tried to prove is my mental health issues don't make me a bad father,


I did everything I could for my children, I tried to leave the relationship when my son was 2 months old, I was met with common assault charges which went no further, as I was locked in a room by my ex because I wanted to leave,



After this I lost all trust, and stayed for the boys, I did struggle, I took myself to a nd e, when in crisis, chased up my psychatrist and did everything I could, my ex has told me, she's made claims of domestic abuse (Finacial, emotional and manipulation) I refute this totally, she's also told social services, and therefore I haven't seen my kids in 4 months, they want supervised contact, because I struggled with mental health, and think I could be a risk to them, especially since what my partner is claiming because it isnt true, i would try and tell her I wasn't feeling well, And all I would get is I don't have time for you, I've got the kids to the think about, but I was expected to do everything for her, go shopping feed the kids.. finally when she refused to send our son to nursey, I told her I couldn't stay with her anymore,



since splitting she's taken socials advice on contact, even though there is no court order, she says she wants me to be a dad and be in there lives, but yet every action she's taken suggests otherwise, I then made the deicison to try and end my life, because the woman I loved with my blessing took the kids away, as I needed to go to hospital,



she says oh it's because of corona, but yet she's taking the kids repeadtly to a house with 11 other family members, she's made every excuse not to sort contact with me, in line with our parental responsibilites, she's letting social services dictate it, even though they never had a problem even with my illness, parenting the kids, taking them to children's centres..


I need help.. honestly I'm at my wits end, I am trying to prove I'm well since moving away, trying to find a job and doing everything I can, I don't unfortuantely have loads of money to throw at legal help, and thus I wouldn't qualify for legal aid,


I apologise for the bluntness, but I only care about my kids, I don't want her using them as weapons, and all she's done is paint me as a monster, and therefore I think she's probably been abusing me, not the other way around..


Thanks for your replies in advance and stay safe

Jamie

Edit: tried to edit to add paragraphs to make it easier to read

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Last Edit: by seperateddadthrowaway.

Advice wanted 1 month 2 weeks ago #106620

Hi There,

You would be best taking it to court to get an arrangement in place. As your mental health has been raised as an issue, you will most likely find that CAFCASS will get involved with this. You have been open and honest about your mental health and proven you have helped youself with this. It might not sound nice or ideal, but you may find contact with your kids will begin at a contact centre, just so they can get an idea how you and the kids interact. It will hopefully be a short process, but one you most likely will have to go through.
The following user(s) said Thank You: seperateddadthrowaway

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Advice wanted 1 month 2 weeks ago #106621

thank you for your reply, of course I haven't done myself any favours, as i was at my wits end, with the abuse and the negativity my ex was throwing at me, I did attempt to end my life and had to be rescucitated, but since being away from her, things have been on the up, I soley believed she spoke about DV just to get a place to live from the council, as that was her main fear, I don't think it would be wise going to court so soon, after i was admitted to a psych ward, and will probably get a job first or try my hardest, and prove to people I can change, and that I am much better,
I know it is a step that has to be followed, but the contact centres are there becase of my Ex using domestic violence as an excuse, and saying that I would be a harm to the kids, even though my symptoms never made me agressive or violent towards them, I was honest with everybody about how I felt, but I just couldn't take the fact my ex was happy to follow other peoples lead on how to raise our children, than mine or herself

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Advice wanted 1 month 2 weeks ago #106623

Hi

I'm sorry for all the trouble you've got through.

The reality is - your first step here is to work on yourself.

Get the help you need, develop yourself, work out, get some new habits, change cities even. You need this more than anything.

Right now you're drowning and your kids need a pillar in life to hang onto and have fun - and the risk that everyone is scared of (rightly or wrongly) is that you'll pull them down with you.

But you're better than that and we all know this - so demonstrate it - your kids deserve and need it.

Once you're in a good place you can work on the legal logistics - and that needs you to toughen up to weather all the shit that will be thrown at you.

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Advice wanted 1 month 2 weeks ago #106644

Thank you for your advice, I have looked into jobs and applied for a few, I am taking medication, and I spent some time in a psych ward, we moved away from each other she's got a flat with the boys, I'm in my own flat away from her bollocks, I know it's about proving I can improve and be there for my children, it's all I've stated since then was I loved them, I just felt let down with mental health service, and also my ex talking about abuse and shit,

I've been working out lost a stone so far, planning to get a bike and looking into part time jobs, I've settled into my flat got everything I need, and I don't care how long it takes, all I ever did was be honest, social know that I was abused emotionally as a child, and I have repeatedly told them I wouldn't make that same mistake, I was always there for my children, and I wasn't well I took myself out to hospital, and begged for help, and social knew this, promised they'd help but then just treat me like a criminal

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Advice wanted 1 month 2 weeks ago #106647

One of the harshest realities to face any men in your position is that, despite all the rhetoric about opening up, despite all the talk about seeking help and getting support... the reality is your destiny is in your hands, and apart from the odd thing here and there, you're on your own - but you can do it. I would certainly minimise opening up to social services about your past and your struggles. Deep down they really don't care and will even see it as a negative.

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Advice wanted 1 month 2 weeks ago #106649

I will second that. if your a mum and open up to social services they will try and help you. if you are a father and you open up , its turned against you leaving you with no contact , supervised visits and them saying they have safeguarding concerns. when you speak to social services you always got to say you are getting by, talking to friends and family, walking/exercising and read books etc. anything else they will come across all nice and next minute they raising loads of issues against you.

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