TOPIC: First Phone Hearing

First Phone Hearing 6 months 1 week ago #108102

Yes you can record calls on Skype and at the end of each call there is the option for both parties to download a copy of the recording onto the device (just make sure to rename the downloaded file with date of the call otherwise you will not be able to keep track of the date of the call as the standard filename is generic like 'video' or something). There is no limit to call length (zoom is free for 40 mins and then have to log out and back in or get a paid for account) nor the file size for the recording... It's really easy for kids to use aswell and with it being a microsoft application quality/security is best grade...

Skype is also an instant messaging app so therefore alongside the calls you can also instant message each other, however my rule for this would be to only message as a reply and wait for your child to send you a message. If you message and especially message too many times then the ex may construe this as harassment and outside of the agreed indirect contact schedule. But if your child sends you a message outside of the contact schedule then I'm of the opinion that it is fine to reply however you will need to gauge what your ex is like and whether this is appropriate.
I rationalise it to myself saying which is worse, replying back to my child outside the contact schedule or leaving a child hanging and waiting for a reply from you which could upset them...

I'm a huge fan of video calls and there is so much that you can do on the calls to make them exciting and engaging regardless of childs ages and especially as they get older...
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First Phone Hearing 6 months 1 week ago #108103

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Daddyup wrote: Yes you can record calls on Skype and at the end of each call there is the option for both parties to download a copy of the recording onto the device (just make sure to rename the downloaded file with date of the call otherwise you will not be able to keep track of the date of the call as the standard filename is generic like 'video' or something). There is no limit to call length (zoom is free for 40 mins and then have to log out and back in or get a paid for account) nor the file size for the recording... It's really easy for kids to use aswell and with it being a microsoft application quality/security is best grade...

Skype is also an instant messaging app so therefore alongside the calls you can also instant message each other, however my rule for this would be to only message as a reply and wait for your child to send you a message. If you message and especially message too many times then the ex may construe this as harassment and outside of the agreed indirect contact schedule. But if your child sends you a message outside of the contact schedule then I'm of the opinion that it is fine to reply however you will need to gauge what your ex is like and whether this is appropriate.
I rationalise it to myself saying which is worse, replying back to my child outside the contact schedule or leaving a child hanging and waiting for a reply from you which could upset them...

I'm a huge fan of video calls and there is so much that you can do on the calls to make them exciting and engaging regardless of childs ages and especially as they get older...


I've downloaded it to start having a play around!

Nervous about my first call with him, 3 years this has been going in for now! Just a waiting game for solicitor to set it all up!

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First Phone Hearing 6 months 1 week ago #108104

"I will call you when I have instruction. Please note that this can not happen instantly". What the hell does that mean?! Just said she would be in contact when she has a draft order for my agreement after that.

In relation to the above have you been chasing the solicitor due to a lack of contact? In which case I would imagine such a response.

I would go back with thanking them for response and asking them to confirm when they expect to get back to you. If they come back saying they can't say as each situation is different etc. Reply asking what their average response times are or based on their experience when do they expect to do so.. If they still cannot say then reply saying you will give it 7 days and then go back to them. Solicitors hate being pinned down to a commitment and like to leave things vague. If they commit and do not stick to it then there is cause for complaint so being vague gives them a get out re complaints but taking the above approach removes the get out as you are being reasonable and solicitor is being difficult.

Thanks

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First Phone Hearing 6 months 1 week ago #108105

Nice one re downloading, how old are kids?

The first call will be emotional so prepare yourself for that. Hold yourself together and not break down as you need to ensure that the call is as fun as possible so that they want to do it again and soon.

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First Phone Hearing 6 months 1 week ago #108106

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Daddyup wrote: Nice one re downloading, how old are kids?

The first call will be emotional so prepare yourself for that. Hold yourself together and not break down as you need to ensure that the call is as fun as possible so that they want to do it again and soon.


My son has just turned 7! Last time I saw him he was just turning 4. Very emotional but I'm looking forward to it!

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First Phone Hearing 6 months 1 week ago #108107

ah that's great, at 7 he will defo be able to use Skype my youngest who is now 7 has been using it since he was 5 alongside the older ones but he knows aswell... Fingers crossed calls do happen and soon.

Some tips I'd share:

- the time of the call is critical, do not have it when he would normally eat (ex's can deliberately choose such a time so that the child is cranky or wants to leave the call early to eat). If they have dinner at 6 then do a 30 min call around 5pm and not 5.30.. You may even get a bit longer between 5pm to 6pm... Also try to do one of the calls on a weekend so that not all calls are impacted by end of schoolday tiredness. Do not get disheartened is he is tired after school, this is to be expected and embrace it.

- remember they have a short attention span and so don't expect him to sit still whilst you bombard with questions, ask a few and then move onto an activity. Let them lead too..

- depending on the length of a call plan 4 or 5 activities to do on the call, think about materials needed, whether he has them and if not whether you can get any too him (materials for 2nd call onwards).

- look up his school on facebook or twitter and see if you can identify his school year (for some schools each year has its own fb or twitter profile) and get an idea what the current topic/subject matter is and ask him to talk you through what he has been doing.

- try to do the call on a PC/Laptop/Tablet and not on your phone due to screen size but you can also use your phone during the call to play music and listen to it together etc

- end the call on a positive and not him seeing you get upset as this will make him upset which is what he will remember but also this is what your ex will see. Save the tears (and there will be tears) until after the call has finished. You want your ex to see him happy having enjoyed the call and also for him to want to do the next call.

Lastly accept and be prepared that the first few calls may not go to plan and do not get too disheartened, children can quickly pick up on negative feelings. He may also want to end the call sooner than expected, try to change activity or talk to him but don't force things. End the call on a positive!!

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First Phone Hearing 6 months 1 week ago #108108

ant_cro wrote: The problem with delayed drafting the order is that, not only does it delay video contact, it delays getting the section 7 rolling which is already a 12 week process.

Didn't know you could record with Skype, I'll have to look into that. I definitely want the video calls recorded for my own safety in court!

The last email from her solicitor said
"I will call you when I have instruction. Please note that this can not happen instantly". What the hell does that mean?! Just said she would be in contact when she has a draft order for my agreement after that.


lol you will need to have more patience. my court order is 10 pages long, as there is a mountain of crap written in the recitals section :p hopefully you will get some meaningful responses from solicitor on monday.

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First Phone Hearing 6 months 1 week ago #108110

ant_cro wrote: Also can anyone advise on a section 7? I can almost guarantee that whatever the recommendations they won't be good enough for my ex. If she disagrees what happens? Does it then go to a final hearing?


first have your interview with cafcass. focus on what you want out of it. tell cafcass specifically what kind of contact your seeking. e.g every other weekend, half of school holidays etc. if your ex disagrees with recommendations, it could go to a final hearing. it didn't in my hearings a few months back. judges made 2nd hearing into final one and went with all recommendations and gave me extra.

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First Phone Hearing 6 months 1 week ago #108111

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Bill337 wrote:

ant_cro wrote: The problem with delayed drafting the order is that, not only does it delay video contact, it delays getting the section 7 rolling which is already a 12 week process.

Didn't know you could record with Skype, I'll have to look into that. I definitely want the video calls recorded for my own safety in court!

The last email from her solicitor said
"I will call you when I have instruction. Please note that this can not happen instantly". What the hell does that mean?! Just said she would be in contact when she has a draft order for my agreement after that.


lol you will need to have more patience. my court order is 10 pages long, as there is a mountain of crap written in the recitals section :p hopefully you will get some meaningful responses from solicitor on monday.


No, you're right.. I definitely do! It's so hard to be patient though!

What is the recitals section actually for?

I'll keep you updated!

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First Phone Hearing 6 months 1 week ago #108112

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Ah ok, for what reason would they not bother with a final hearing if ex disagrees? Reason for disagreement wasn't valid etc?

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First Phone Hearing 6 months 1 week ago #108113

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Daddyup wrote: ah that's great, at 7 he will defo be able to use Skype my youngest who is now 7 has been using it since he was 5 alongside the older ones but he knows aswell... Fingers crossed calls do happen and soon.

Some tips I'd share:

- the time of the call is critical, do not have it when he would normally eat (ex's can deliberately choose such a time so that the child is cranky or wants to leave the call early to eat). If they have dinner at 6 then do a 30 min call around 5pm and not 5.30.. You may even get a bit longer between 5pm to 6pm... Also try to do one of the calls on a weekend so that not all calls are impacted by end of schoolday tiredness. Do not get disheartened is he is tired after school, this is to be expected and embrace it.

- remember they have a short attention span and so don't expect him to sit still whilst you bombard with questions, ask a few and then move onto an activity. Let them lead too..

- depending on the length of a call plan 4 or 5 activities to do on the call, think about materials needed, whether he has them and if not whether you can get any too him (materials for 2nd call onwards).

- look up his school on facebook or twitter and see if you can identify his school year (for some schools each year has its own fb or twitter profile) and get an idea what the current topic/subject matter is and ask him to talk you through what he has been doing.

- try to do the call on a PC/Laptop/Tablet and not on your phone due to screen size but you can also use your phone during the call to play music and listen to it together etc

- end the call on a positive and not him seeing you get upset as this will make him upset which is what he will remember but also this is what your ex will see. Save the tears (and there will be tears) until after the call has finished. You want your ex to see him happy having enjoyed the call and also for him to want to do the next call.

Lastly accept and be prepared that the first few calls may not go to plan and do not get too disheartened, children can quickly pick up on negative feelings. He may also want to end the call sooner than expected, try to change activity or talk to him but don't force things. End the call on a positive!!


Appreciate this, definitely helps with what to expect!

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First Phone Hearing 6 months 1 week ago #108118

No worries, you're welcome.

Not sure if you have a new relationship or a support network but in any case let someone know if possible that you are due to have a call, talk about the emotional impact it may have and ask for some help/support after the call so that you don't bottle up emotions and have someone to talk to.
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