Hi I am a 23-year-old dad and have a 2-year-old son, so basically split up with my ex of 6 years on the 18th of May 2020 in a heated argument, I asked her to leave my home she went to stay with a friend and took my son with her, she then contacted my mum the next day saying I will have to go through mediation to see my son, I proceeded to find a suitable mediator and filled in all my exs details to get the ball rolling, whilst waiting for the mediator to take action 10 days later I get a court form sent to my email address, stating my ex has applied for a non-molestation order, stating some horrible accusations that I was mentally and physically abusive both being untrue, I represented my self on the first hearing as I'm not financially stable enough to afford legal advice, during the first hearing i responded to every allegation with my own allegations i admitted to the small allegations which was true (minor accusations) and followed up by making my own as my ex was the one who was actually physically abusive with me. My ex solicitor spoke for most of the court hearing and told the judge I was trying to divert the attention off me and onto my ex, and not really understanding how the court works I hardly got a word in, the judge adjourned the hearing until the 9th of July 2020, my ex has attached 0 evidence I have requested through the court that perjury is looked into as the more serious accusations are completely false, whilst this court process has been going on I haven't seen my son now for just over 1 month and it's honestly killing me and I don't know how to get the ball rolling on getting time with my son again whilst this court process is going on, my ex has stated in her opening statements that she doesn't want to stop me seeing mine son as I am a good father. I have done some research and on my next hearing, I'm thinking of offering a cross-undertaking as a means of compromise so both sides are protected as I'm getting indirect threats from parties who live with my ex. Can anyone advise me please on what to do in terms of my court situation and gaining access to my son. Please feel free to ask questions if you don't understand anything i have written thank you
I would not be accepting any non molestation order as that would make it really difficult seeing your son. It is best not to raise any allegations about ex or run her down as this wont help your cause in the family courts. Its best you focus fully on seeing your son and get some contact at next hearing.
She has said you are a good dad and not trying to prevent access . What is meant to happen on 9th of July is ex meant to provide evidence so a non molestation order gets served . I am hoping the small not so serious allegations aren't too bad which you admitted too.
Whats important now is how often can you see your son taking into account work commitments. When are you available to have your son .
Also whilst things are heated you could meet at a neutral location to do handovers or use a third party temporarily.
Hi thank you for your reply, yes the two small allegations I admitted to are minor not physically or mentally abusive. I am not a threat to my ex and I'm actually in more danger than she is as I'm receiving threats from people who live within her household, do you've any advice on what to say on my next hearing? As I'm hearing a cross-undertaking isn't the best option due to the fact that my ex is in no danger or there isn't any evidence of a previous physical assault.
Also with this non-molestation order being contested, what are my options to get access to my son if a 3rd party isn't an option, I was thinking until my next court hearing (next week) seeing the outcome and if the non-molestation order isn't granted then going through mediation as a cheaper option, but if by some chance the court grants the non-molestation order is granted where do I stand in terms of going through the courts for my son. Many thanks
Hi just tried the 3rd party option and asked my mum to contact my ex to ask could they work days and times that my mum can pick up my son, the ex replied 'I've been told its supervised visits. Not 3rd party, i have no control over the visitation rights. K has been told he can fast track seeing T through the courts and that's all i know' i have not been informed of any of this through the court in the first hearing or any notice since the hearing, my mum didn't respond and got a second text stating ''Ive just spoke to my solicitor. They're not dealing with the child access part. If
he wants access to visitation he needs to file another court application as he's a flight risk of not handing T back over to me supervised visits will be arranged through court but he has to apply for them''. Any advice? I have not been notified of any of this
Very much so, and only just realised with the name thanks for the heads up bud I've just contacted the mediator who I previously was in contact with to get the ball rolling. Not entirely sure how to edit my previous post to get rid of the name.
1) don't try to attack or make any points against your ex it won't work, if anything you should go the other way say positive things good mother etc.
2) it's a completely different application as bill said c100 as your ex has applied for a non molestation order you can get an exemption from the mediator
3) this is very important do not contact your ex ,do not go round even if invited , she could twist things and be trying to trick you.
4) always stay child focused.
5) due to covid I would think that all contact centres are shut, therefore ask the judge for supervised by your mum, but the molestation hearing is not for child contact.
6) they may ask you to take an undertaking in doing this you accept no guilt but cannot contact her. Some people on here have had bad experiences of this but, if you have no lawyer while she does and are not confident in court an undertaking is by far the better option than an official order.
7) ask on here for help bill is always available lol
Thank you for the responses, i really appreciate the help!
As for the attack or make points against your ex unfortunately i defended my self by denying her allegations and making my own as i was subjected to physical and mental abuse just to get my point across, i do agree i should've just denied the allegations just emotions run high when you've been mentally abused for years and now you're being made out to be the abuser.
I'm going to wait until the outcome of court next week if the non-molestation order gets revoked then proceed with a mediator as a cheaper solution if not then i will file the c100 immediately after the court hearing, as for the contacting my ex i honestly dont want anything to do with her full stop,after years of trying to give her the benefit of the doubt this was the final straw, the undertaking option I've had a look into other people experiences also and it doesn't look like any good comes of it although i know you can accept this on an basis that i do not accept the allegations i do not see why i should promise to the court, when i am completely innocent and the allegations are completely false, there is 0 evidence provided by my ex and I've attached as much evidence as i possibly can to show the nature of my ex which if I'm honestly hardly even got looked at by the judge, I'm just going to keep defending my self even though its not the easiest representing my self, i haven't seen my son now for just under 2 months and its killing me i am very child focussed to be honest if it was just an ex girlfriend and i didn't have a child with her, i would just accept the non molestation order knowing i wouldn't break it because I'm not a threat and move on with my life, but because my child is in the middle of this i cant just sit there and let this slide, its a shame a few of her allegations quoted that i was sending her emails saying i would kill my self if she didn't move into my house, I've suffered with bad depression for years but have never said anything of this sought to my ex, so i requested that evidence is provided to the court and perjury is investigated the judge just overlooked this and carried on, lets just hope there is justice in this cruel world.
Thanks for all the replies again guys I'm very a young father and never imagined id have to go through this throughout my life nevermind at the age i am.
your previous message mentioned that ex stated that if you want child contact, you have to make a court application. so i would not wait around for outcome of the non-mol hearing. you should apply for c100 now. you may have to wait around 2 months or so to get first hearing, so better to start early.