• Page:
  • 1

TOPIC: Access Denied to see my daughter

Access Denied to see my daughter 1 month 3 days ago #107965


new to this and just after some advice to try to get ahead of what my ex partner may be planning!

I have split up with my wife and have recently entered in to a new relationship.

Up until that point I was allowed to see my 3 year old daughter even though my ex struggled to stick to arragemnts, would change days or even refuse contact on some days for no reason and not reply to me etc. It has been a battle from the start tbh.

However when she found out I had a new partner she stopped contact. she has never asked me directly about my new partner but she contacted a number of my friends and family to ask .
She was in contact with me regarding finances as she believes I should pay the mortgage on the family home till my daughter is 18 even though I am looking to be bought out ( i am sure this is not the case )

I had a letter from her solicitor this week saying access is stopped at the moment as she knows I have entered in to a new relationship and did not tell her as it does pose a risk to our daughter due to Covid 19. Her solicitor asked me what step i have in place with my partner to ensure we are safe and wanted to also know if my partner lives alone.
My ex has also managed to find out where my new partner lives!

Through out the break up my ex has been difficult and not putting my daughters welfare first in terms of her being able to see me. My ex could of asked me these question over text as she is quick to text and demand money but she has gone a difficult way about this due to probably being hurt that i have started a new relationship.

I have replied to her solicitor myself stating there are no risks towards my daughter and i have also been made aware that my ex has been mixing with different households with my daughter. at the moment my ex is very angry and even though there are no risks to my daughter I feel she is still going to stop me from seeing her going forward. I suggested mediation in the letter to the solicitor as i am eager to get a plan in place to see my daughter weekly again.. which is something my ex has never suggested doing. I also aware if i need to go down the court route mediation must of been attempted.

has anyone got any advice they could give? I am trying to be positive but I fear she is going to drag this out as long as possible. She has a history of mental health issues which resulting in social services having to be involved about a year ago and i to date have not brought this up. However her behavior recently is concerning me and im not sure if I should speak to them again or is that going to open up another can of worms.

Thanks in advance!

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Access Denied to see my daughter 1 month 3 days ago #107966


they will probably act like they are in control & have the upper hand right now. You should press her solicitor about mediation and whether this will happen or not. If not then you should sit a MIAM assessment by yourself, and they can give you permission to take it to court. don't wait around too long as your relationship with your child will only be affected.

as with mortgage and selling house, if she doesn't budge on that then that will likely be another court issue.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Access Denied to see my daughter 1 month 3 days ago #107967

I would also like to add she said in recent text message to myself

" You are not to come near the house due to your behavior when we were together and after"

I only went to the house to pick up my daughter when I was allowed contact. I am concerned that her next plan will be to say I am aggressive or violent and I can clearly say I am not either of those things, She has been in contact with me since the separation in person and allowed me to see my daughter with no concerns up until I had a new partner so I feel she may start lying now and use this as excuse for me to not see my daughter.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Access Denied to see my daughter 1 month 3 days ago #107968

ok. by the sounds of things, if you go to the house again, then she will get her solicitor to probably apply for a non-molestation/restraining order against you. so better to stay away from the house. they will mess you around and get you to pay for covid tests for you, your partner or any family that your both in contact with. and that's stupid, as you should only be getting tested if you have covid symptoms.

what i think you should do is send a letter/email to her solicitor along these lines stating: that it's in the best interests of the child that you resume contact with her as soon as possible. You would like mediation to start urgently.if you don't hear back from them or mediation does not begin, you will be making a court application 7 days from the date of this letter.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Last Edit: by Bill337.

Access Denied to see my daughter 1 month 3 days ago #107969

yeah i have a feeling she is going to ask for me and my partner to be tested as she will want to delay things as much as she can. Even though she is now mixing with different people.

I have stated that in the letter to the solicitor already. I said I would like to arrange mediation and if this is refused I will be looking to attend court to get access. I also stated I want access resumed asap as there is no threat to my daughter.

The funny thing is is that 2 weeks she asked me to go to the house to talk to her and i refused and now she is telling me to stay away! I have kept all screenshots of conversations so if she does go down the route of I am violent etc then it would be on record that she was willing for me to go to the house.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Access Denied to see my daughter 1 month 3 days ago #107971

  • actd
  • actd's Avatar
  • Offline
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 11174
  • Thank you received: 1733
Unfortunately, I would be prepared for a long haul, but stick at it. It's not unusual for the ex to become more difficult once they find out you have moved on, and the only way she can have any control is through your daughter. It's worth it in the end when the courts see through her behaviour.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Access Denied to see my daughter 1 month 2 days ago #107976

this does sound like your ex is gearing up for a non-molestation order. This could help her get legal aid for allegations of DV. Just keep communication between you and her solicitor, do not contact her in any way, it will just give her more ammunition.
you clearly had a good arrangement in place before hand, so I would suggest mediation, if that doesnt work then you have no other choice but to go to court. Due to COVID, this may take a while I am afraid.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Access Denied to see my daughter 1 month 2 days ago #107977

  • Toks
  • Toks's Avatar
  • Offline
  • Senior Boarder
  • Senior Boarder
  • Posts: 113
  • Thank you received: 37
As has been said, it's not uncommon for an ex to become even more difficult with Child Arrangements when the other party has a new partner.

I would say get the mediation ball rolling immediately rather than trying to get her agreement to go for this. Have your MIAM (initial meeting) with a Mediator. They will send a letter asking her to come for her initial meeting. If she doesn't attend, they should sign it off and you can progress on to a court application. If she does attend, you can try to get an agreement with her over the times your child spends with either of you. If you can't reach agreement, it will be signed off and you can make your application for court.

In the meantime, you could call her bluff re her attempt to claim she is threatened by you behaviour by suggesting via her solicitor (by email if possible, so you have a clear paper trail), that from henceforth it would be better if the handovers for your daughter happened in a public space (such as a cafe or outside a library). This is pretty much for your safety in any case, as it will be harder for her to make such insinuations.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Access Denied to see my daughter 4 weeks 15 hours ago #108246

I'd like to echo all the advice given, I get tested every week for covid and it is easy as pie and only takes 20 mins and youll have your result usully within 48 hours, get one done just to shoot her down.

as has been said don't go round her solicitor will be on a mission to get a non mol against you and thats what she would be advised, I'm going through exactly the same now and have been for the past 7 years.

I've helped hundreds of dads through court to see their kids and the mothers actions are always the same, don't fall for it.

as I am doing Id apply to the court asap for a cao after youve tried mediation

good luck with it all mate

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

I'm no way trained in Family court matters so don't take my ramblings as gospel but I've been through the Court mill and learned so much along the way I just like passing my experience on to other Dads who face this absolute nightmare from hell, you might not be able to beat the system but don't let it beat you :)

Access Denied to see my daughter 4 weeks 12 hours ago #108254

Hi Jonevs89,

I'm thinking rather than the mediation route which could take some serious time would it not be better and quicker to address your exs concerns to the point that if you do end up in court then it is your ex who looks unreasonable and therefore she allows contact before even getting to court? Her solicitor will know that the judges know all about the covid guidelines.

What I mean is that as you are keen to see your daughter then you and your partner get covid test done and explain what you and your partner are doing to ensure there is no risk and clearly signpost how what you are doing is as per the guidelines and then flip it onto your ex and solicitor and ask what concerns they still have with what you are doing (after all its as per the guidelines) and whether there is anything else they think you should be doing.. if they suggest anything thats reasonable then do it..

If however your response was vague or emotional then her solicitor will know that this is how most people (usually fathers) will respond thus allowing them to hide amongst your vagueness and prevent contact.

They know if it goes to court they can say contact was stopped and they highlighted why re covid and that you did not really address their concerns nor detail exactly what you are doing to minimise the risk as per the guidelines and therefore they were unable to ascertain whether it was safe to commence contact,

Solicitors and Barristers make a living on these grey areas knowing that a judge will not rule against them.

Hope this helps, as others have said, if you have tried all this then mediation and court will be your only option..

All the best.


Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Page:
  • 1
Moderators: Samantha Downes