• Page:
  • 1
  • 2

TOPIC: Struggling again

Struggling again 1 month 1 week ago #109737

Hi Slim,
Thats so good to hear. I hope your new business continues to be a success. One day at a time... :-)

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Struggling again 1 month 1 week ago #109741

  • MR SLIM
  • MR SLIM's Avatar Topic Author
  • Offline
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 2131
  • Thank you received: 610
Hey Clarinet,

Thank you, Every day as it comes rather than taking every minute as it comes is an improvement a.t least, My next bit of substantial work is a day after the court hearing in a couple of weeks so I have a little chill time before then.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

I'm no way trained in Family court matters so don't take my ramblings as gospel but I've been through the Court mill and learned so much along the way I just like passing my experience on to other Dads who face this absolute nightmare from hell, you might not be able to beat the system but don't let it beat you :)

Struggling again 1 month 1 week ago #109742

  • MR SLIM
  • MR SLIM's Avatar Topic Author
  • Offline
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 2131
  • Thank you received: 610
Hey Clarinet,

Thank you, Every day as it comes rather than taking every minute as it comes is an improvement a.t least, My next bit of substantial work is a day after the court hearing in a couple of weeks so I have a little chill time before then.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

I'm no way trained in Family court matters so don't take my ramblings as gospel but I've been through the Court mill and learned so much along the way I just like passing my experience on to other Dads who face this absolute nightmare from hell, you might not be able to beat the system but don't let it beat you :)

Struggling again 1 month 1 week ago #109743

would be good idea to take breaks in between the hearings. etc. weekend getaways. should help you avoid getting stressed out.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Struggling again 1 month 1 week ago #109744

  • MR SLIM
  • MR SLIM's Avatar Topic Author
  • Offline
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 2131
  • Thank you received: 610
Thanks ACTD,


It feels so much harder this time round as I've had 5 years building the bond with my child, her mental health has been completely ruined over the past year then the pandemic, the abuse when she told me she was getting fed sleeping tablets and how she gets so angry because mummy never gets out of bed to play with her has broke me,. obviously all I want to do is protect her and I can't.

It's obvious they will refuse me interim contact so its looking like it will be around 8-10 months intotal before I see her again, its just tragic and will give top ample time to destroy our bond and turn her against me, so much harder this time.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

I'm no way trained in Family court matters so don't take my ramblings as gospel but I've been through the Court mill and learned so much along the way I just like passing my experience on to other Dads who face this absolute nightmare from hell, you might not be able to beat the system but don't let it beat you :)

Struggling again 1 month 1 week ago #109745

  • MR SLIM
  • MR SLIM's Avatar Topic Author
  • Offline
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 2131
  • Thank you received: 610
Thanks Bill,

I would usually bugger off to europe or the US Djing but obviously I can't anymore, I'd usually go and see my family as they live next to the coast but I'm not speaking to any of them, I did go and see a friend who saved me from commiting suicide every weekend until a few weeks ago, I think I need to get away this weekend though, It's such a struggle living on my own with no family round me. I am getting some amazing support from the charity I work for and I see them every day who are great.

tough times man

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

I'm no way trained in Family court matters so don't take my ramblings as gospel but I've been through the Court mill and learned so much along the way I just like passing my experience on to other Dads who face this absolute nightmare from hell, you might not be able to beat the system but don't let it beat you :)

Struggling again 1 month 1 week ago #109746

don't think of the worst, like 10 months of no contact. your not those violent dads that have to take DV course. it's bloody hard but you need to think positive. if you don't get contact at next hearing, that does not mean you will have no contact for entire court process. stress to court that you built a strong bond with your child for 5 years, and no contact all of a sudden would be devastating for her.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Struggling again 1 month 1 week ago #109747

  • MR SLIM
  • MR SLIM's Avatar Topic Author
  • Offline
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 2131
  • Thank you received: 610
Nice one Bill,

You're a legend, yeah that makes sense, I just can't see the wood for the trees at the mo, It's exactly the same time frame from I went to court 6 years ago literally to the day and I didnt see my girl for the first 10 months of her life.

I just wish I could take my own advice and help myself like I've helped so many other dads, I keep re reading the sticky guides Ive done on here but it doesnt seem to be going in.

My poor girls mental health has already been devestated I just want her back so I can repair here, I know because Cafcass have recommended no contact in the interim like they did 6 years ago they wont let me see her.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

I'm no way trained in Family court matters so don't take my ramblings as gospel but I've been through the Court mill and learned so much along the way I just like passing my experience on to other Dads who face this absolute nightmare from hell, you might not be able to beat the system but don't let it beat you :)

Struggling again 1 month 1 week ago #109750

Slim, just a thought, have you considered making an appointment to see your daughter's G.P. to discuss her health and to make him aware that your daughter is being given sleeping pills and to enquire if he is aware of this?

As you will know to be able to get an appointment with your daughter's Doctor, you will need to take proof that you have Parental Responsibility and possibly the existing Court Order (I don't know, due to this interim period you are in at present if the Court Order would be of value or a hindrance).

If there is no help forthcoming from the above, have you thought of the N.S.P.C.C., could they be of help?

I believe the bond with your daughter when you regain contact will be as strong as it was before this interruption! The strong bond you have will enable you to heal any damage that may have been done to her happiness and wellbeing.

We can, because they are so young underestimate a childs' strength and resilience. The one thing they definitely know is what they like and what they dislike! You have given your daughter the four most precious things you can, your time, your love and have had lots of fun and laughs with her and because of those four things her bond with you will remain strong.

As a child I had a wonderful childhood with my late Father. He gave me the four things I mention to you. The memories are deep in my soul, the happiest time in my life. A child never forgets the happy times they have with a good parent even when you are an old woman like me, the memories remain vivid in our minds.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Last Edit: by MotherofaFather.

Struggling again 1 month 1 week ago #109761

  • actd
  • actd's Avatar
  • Away
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 11284
  • Thank you received: 1752
Slim, as you say, you've had 5 years of building a bond with your daughter - that's going to stay with her, and a few months apart, however painful that is for both of you, isn't going to destroy that. What you ex will do is to destroy any long term future between your daughter and your ex, in the long run, your ex will be the loser in all of this, all through her own doing.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Struggling again 1 month 6 days ago #109780

Thats great. :)

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Struggling again 1 month 2 days ago #109900

  • MR SLIM
  • MR SLIM's Avatar Topic Author
  • Offline
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 2131
  • Thank you received: 610
Guys, thanks so much to everyone who has commented on this thread.

I have really took onboard all advice given and put it into practice, since last friday I have thought about me and concentrated on looking after myself, I've never ate and slept so much!

I've finally had a weeks worth of sleep and feel loads better, I've spent a fortune at sainsburys and been having 3 square meals a day, I've also spent the week working with my MF to make sure my position statement is spot on, thanks to the person who recommended me to them off here, you know who you are :)

Court hearing is days away and I've just landed some awesome work for my business, it's more of a working holiday in my fave part of the UK to be honest so that will keep my mind off things before court.

I still cant stop thinking about my poor girl its been 4 months today since i seen her,looking back although we've had the best 5 years every weekend I was never truly happy as I was living under the awful black cloud of her mum, although I've not seen my girl I'm over the moon I havent had to deal with TOP, I can't believe the hold over me shes had and I've had to suffer years of her mental and controlling behaviour just to see my girl,

I'm not living like that anymore and I'm using this time to change my life from working for someone for 27 years to working for myself and having a better work life balance, I'm just about there so I'm sure I'll be sorted once I see my girl again and hopefully I'll be in a better place all round.

Thanks again for your replies like 6 years ago when I first went through it you guys were there with the brilliant support and advice :)

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

I'm no way trained in Family court matters so don't take my ramblings as gospel but I've been through the Court mill and learned so much along the way I just like passing my experience on to other Dads who face this absolute nightmare from hell, you might not be able to beat the system but don't let it beat you :)
  • Page:
  • 1
  • 2
Moderators: Samantha Downes