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TOPIC: Ex wanting to change my access

Re: Ex wanting to change my access 9 years 6 months ago #6421

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One thing I learned a few years ago (a friends case, and not family related) is that solicitors learn to cut things down to the minimum so that the big issue isn't swamped by trivia - it may be that your solicitor was concentrating on getting a contact order to establish a record before going for a more extensive order later on.

Then again, may just have been a rubbish solicitor :o

Although generally, the courts don't (or didn't when I was their) generally make orders beyond the immediate parents, I believe they do like the idea that contact with the extended family can be maintained if possible.

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Re: Ex wanting to change my access 9 years 5 months ago #6462

Dear Wbhrlfc6,

Thank you for contacting the Children’s Legal Centre, we apologise for the delay in responding to your query.

At present the arrangement that you have with the mother regarding contact is purely an agreement, meaning that this can be altered at any time. However this should only be done in the best interests of your daughter.

If the mother is being particularly difficult then you can ask your solicitor to write to her regarding this and possibly consider mediation. If all else fails then an application to court for contact or shared residence can be made.

With regards to you talking about your new child, there are no laws surrounding this and it is a matter of you using your discretion to decide what is and is not suitable to tell your daughter. The mother does not really have a say in this and should try to be reasonable regarding it, as it is likely to be thought best for a child to be included in the family unit and this sort of situation to ensure she is comfortable with what is happening.

We would advise that you do speak to your solicitor regarding the alterations the mother has made to the contact that you are having, and see what they believe is best for you to do at this time, as your solicitor has all the information on your case and is in a much stronger position to advise you than we would be.

We hope this information is useful to you.

Kind Regards
Children’s Legal Centre

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Re: Ex wanting to change my access 9 years 5 months ago #6528

Hi everyone, Just thought I would post an update. Since my ex restricted my access on Monday 20th September I have seen my daughter for overnight stays on 24th & 26th of september and she then came over for tea after school on 27th (took me 15mins to be allowed to take my daughter after my ex had instucted not to let me take her last week, even though she had agreed for me to pick her up today). When I returned my daughter my ex asked if could have my daughter overnight on Friday 1st October instead of Saturday 2nd. The reason for this was it was my ex's sisters 21st Birthday party on the Friday and everybody was going there so she did not have a babysitter. I felt that my daughter would have liked to have gone to the party and I had made arrangements around the days my daughter was coming to stay. So she came and stayed Saturday 2nd and Sunday 3rd October overnight, however things took a twist over the weekend. I was due to collect my daughter at 12:30 on Saturday from my ex's house, but I received a call at 11:30 from my ex asking if I could pick her up from the local A&E department as she was there with her sister. She told me on the phone that she had split up with her partner last night and that the number she was calling off was her number from now on (bearing in mind I have had no contact number for at least 8 weeks). Anyway I picked my daughter up ans she stayed the weekend, I then picked her up from school again on Monday and she same for tea. When I took my daughter home I asked my ex if it would be OK to have my daughter over for tea Thursday, she said that she was going to ask if I would have her overnight Wednesday. I had to refuse as I had already planned to go to antenatal class with my partner Wednesday evening (it was only 14 days ago she told me she did not want my daughter staying with me Monday-Thursday).Yesterday morning at 06:15 I recieved a text from my ex asking if my daughter could stay over that night as she had cried for me all night. I was a bit unsure of what to do about this as I did not want to pass up the chance for my daughter to stay the night, but I did not want my ex to think that she can just play me like a fool. In the end I had to reply and say no as I had an appointment with my solicitor and had planned to go get my daughter some christmas presents while I could afford it. I suprisingly got an understanding reply from her saying she thought it would be too short notice and she agreed that I could have my daughter overnight on Thursday and Friday. Now this morning I recieved a phone call from my ex again at 06:15 asking if I could take the day off work to look after my daughter as she was ill and not going to school. I told her that I wouldn't be able to take the day off as my daughter hadn't been staying with me and I was due to set off to work in 15 minutes. Surely it is my ex's duty to take care of this situation when she has been the one taking care of her. I text about 10:15 asking how she was and my ex told me she had sent her to school.

Regarding my solicitor, I am very happy with how it went yesterday. She explained in detail about PR to me and I had took all my evidence which she told me that its looks as though all the decisions my ex is making are all for her convinence and of no benefit to my daughter. So she plans to write to her informing her that I want to maintain the amount of contact that my daughter is used to and if she is not willing to come to an agreement that I will begin court proceedings.

In all I am feeling a lot more confident that I am not going to lose my excellant relationship with my daughter and hope to be back to the old amount of time we had together very soon.

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