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Hello,
My partner is currently going through the courts for a contact order to see his 2 boys aged 6 and 3. There has never been a formal arrangement. My partner works shifts so isn't available every weekend or during their holidays. He has to guess how much notice to give his ex of when he is off as she ignores him every time he asks how much notice she would like but quite often will tell him it's not enough notice. Her reasons for saying no range from they're having their haircut to they're going to a birthday party to you've annoyed me so you can't see them etc...
Last year she took them to Cyprus without his consent and also took the oldest out of school 2 weeks before the end of term. He obviously wouldn't oppose a holiday and was happy that they were going.
So, this year we thought that there shouldn't be a problem taking them away for a long weekend to Sweden (staying with my mum in the country). She immediately said no and said that there was no discussion. He decided to apply for a specific issue order and after serving her the papers she said she was concerned that he would abduct them to South America (his parents are from south America but he is born and raised British and has never had any plans to go there). Although she still allows contact so she can't be that worried.
At the directions hearing (they are both representing themselves) the judge said that the holiday isn't a problem but the rest of the year is and she changed it to a contact order. She also told his ex that she is the one that needs to facilitate access.
The proposed schedule that he has sent to the court includes every single weekend day that he is off for the rest of the year. His holidays are allocated and none of them are during the school holidays. and the holidays that he does have have been taken into account. It works out roughly 2 weekends a month and the odd saturday or sunday. And he has had to take unpaid leave to be able to take the kids away when they are off. He gave her a copy of the list and she said just because you've given me this list doesn't mean you'll see them on those days. She also said that a list of weekends doesn't help her. She is adamant that she should have a copy of his rota but we know that the only reason for that is so she can call him when she needs a baby sitter ( he previously gave her a list of 10 dates he was off and she said he could have them on one of those days as she needed to do something).
He is a bit worried that the judge will side with her on the weekday thing but it doesn't make any sense for him to pick them up from school 40 mins away and have to take them home as soon as they get back to ours. The other option is to spend 3 hours in toys r us.
Also, all of a sudden she is asking him to provide his leave schedule so they can together work out the care for their children. He has given her so many chances to talk and she just blanks him. She seems to think that this is about him giving her help and not about the kids seeing their dad without her messing about.
So my question is, is it reasonable to stick to having them on the weekends he is available? Wouldn't it just be disruptive to drag them around town on a school night? if he lived nearby it would obviously be different but it's 8 miles in london traffic.
Any advice or support would be greatly appreciated. 🙂
I doubt that a judge would consider weekday contact sensible if there was no meaningful contact taking place - ie going round the shops because there is nothing else to do, and if your partner can't attend contact, then a judge isn't going to order that it must take place. Contact every alternate weekend is quite reasonable, and since this fits in with your partners work schedule, I'd stick to that.
Actd is right...the judge isnt there to force contact on your partner, his explanation is reasonable and it wouldnt be good for the kids to be dragged around the shops, especially in winter. Alternate weekends is the norm anyway and seems to be what is usually granted.
Next time at court your partner can say he has produced a list of his free weekends which the mother is still to agree to. She has been told to facilitate contact and given the list of all his weekend days off, she doesnt need his rota or schedule of leave. I'm sure it will be ok, it seems to have gone favourably thus far.
Thank you so much for the replies. It does make perfect sense but hearing it from others is a huge help. Whatever he gives her she asks for more and it's becoming exhausting. The court asked him for the schedule which he has already submitted. Next hearing is July so will hopefully be the end of all the nonsense.
Thanks again 🙂
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