@sparky101 Absolute nonsense is expecting you to reply. Solicitors are only to cause you problems !!
I get you now. Yes her solicitor is a right proper jobs worth aswell, she tried like a bear in court to strip me of any contact spouting complete bull and lies that was passed on to her through my ex. Luckily the solicitors and lawyers that worked on my case were extremely good at what they do, the one that dealt with my case for the majority deals mostly with international and UK supreme court so I'm assuming they were more than qualified.
@sparky101 do you know if your ex gets legal aid?
Hi,
I do not think that you need to accommodate video calls on your every other weekends. The time is for your child to have quality bonding time with you. I would keep all communication strictly regarding child arrangement, schooling, medical information on email which will keep a trail and cannot be manipulated (should you ever need to use it). Any emails sent not regarding the child arrangements or something you deem relevant, you could ignore and you'll still have a trail.
My partner (non resident parent) was granted 1 video call a week (which I believe is pretty standard if the non resident parent does not have weekday contact) - so it is reasonable to accommodate a video call once a week for the resident parent (even though this is rarely stated in the order). I would suggest to your ex partner that you are willing to accommodate video calls when your child stays with you for 7 consecutive nights and that the call should take place mid-week which is in the interest of the child. However, it is not in the interest of the child to have a video call during a weekend contact unless the child requests it themselves and therefore video calls will not be scheduled but solely take place if the child requests.
The courts look at the interest of the child so if you always act in the childs interest then you shouldn't be punished for long term contact arrangements. You are not refusing for your child to contact their parent, you are refusing to fulfil the parents wants and needs which is impacting your limited quality bonding time with your child. (Also, the solicitor will do whatever the parent wants and needs as it is their job to do so, they act on behalf of your ex partner not in the interests of your child).
My partner was in the same position as you. How long have you had your current order in place for? Has your daughter already stayed with you for a weeks' contact?
I ask because, (in partners case) when overnights started the child was 2/3 years old. The mother insisted and demanded video calls as she deemed the child being unable to sleep without her goodnight phone call, obviously this was not the case and it was not implemented on the court order that the resident parent should have indirect contact during the father's contact. It was unbearable, my partner was being bombarded with messages and being accused of refusing the mother to speak to her child, refusing to co-parent, accusations of being the worst dad and non trustworthy etc all just to get a video call. We allowed the mother to have video calls at the very beginning and then said that the child settles without her need of a video call and gradually reduce and eventually completely stopped the video calls. Now, when the child is with us for 7 consecutive nights we offer a mid-week call (again mainly for the parent to have indirect contact as opposed to the child requesting but it works in the interest of everyone involved).
We had a few struggles along the way such as the mother saying inappropriate things on the call and refusing to promote the child's time with their father in which my partner ended the call and emailed the mother to confirm that the video call was terminated for the 'xyz' reasons and that future video calls will take place on the basis that nothing inappropriate or emotionally abusive is said. The things that were said were for example; 'mummy is sad when you are with your dad, she cries now she's home and you're gone, I miss you and if you miss me, tell daddy and he will bring you back to your home' Etc - this caused the child to feel so torn and upset and guilty to spend time with her dad because of how it made her mum feel, so on these occasions my partner terminated the video call, emailed his ex partner to state exactly what happened, how it negatively impacted their daughter and refused to accommodate further calls until the mother agreed she would not say such things. Obviously parents can say they miss their child and it is natural but it needs to be in a positive manner to ensure the child does not feel guilty to spend time with the other parent, i.e 'I miss you but have you been having a good time with your dad/what fun things have you done?'
Good luck!
@lee-52
Hi, thanks for taking the time to reply and for taking so long to reply back. I did reply but when I tried to post it I think the Web page had timed out.
I have been getting overnight access for around a year and a half possibly two years.
The whole reason the ex expects video calls every night our daughter is here is because when we were still together we would video call each other every night even on the nights I had our daughter and I would let her say goodnight and speak to her for as long as she wanted and for as long as our daughter was able to hold a conversation before getting bored and irritable, we split up around November last year and she was still getting her video calls with our daughter but over the space of a month our daughter didn't want to talk on a 2 occasions so I didn't contact my ex this then turned into a big problem.
After all the hassle I have had to deal with and harassment I really don't feel that I should bend over backwards anymore to accommodate her requests as I already offered video calls but only if our daughter wanted to speak but this isn't good enough for my ex she wants the calls regardless. The times I have asked our daughter if she wanted to speak occasionally she would say things like No I'll speak to mummy when I go home or just flat out I don't want to talk, so who am I to force this on her when she has specifically said she doesn't want to speak as like any child her age they then take tantrums, get upset and play up and that is the last thing I need before bedtime and trying to settle her.
I really don't want to be emailing my ex as thats just another way she will tey to harass me and manipulate the situation. I understand that emails can't be changed by her on my end so it can be kept as proof but so are texts. WhatsApp on the other hand not so much, a few times my ex has sent messages calling me all sorts then before I've had a chance to open WhatsApp the actual message has been deleted. I only see part of the message when I get a popup notification on my mobile but when I open WhatsApp the message is gone, deleted.
After the harassment from my ex, if she wants video calls every night when my daughter is here then she is going to have to take it to court for a judge to say otherwise as I refuse to bow down to her demands after all the nonsense she has created recently. If our daughter specifically asks to speak to her mum then I will text my ex asking if she wants to speak with our daughter but if not then I have no reason to contact her through texts etc
