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TOPIC: how many days access

how many days access 3 years 9 months ago #67626

i have been struggling to arrange how many days i should have my son.
i currently work 30 hours a week but my hours need to be increased so i can provide for his future.
i currently see him Monday eve 3-5 Wednesday 3-5 Thursday 3-5 and then weekend i see him ether Friday night till sat eve and Sunday from dinner till 5
or Saturday dinner till Sunday 5 on the odd weekend i have him from Friday till Sunday

i feel i am having him too much i have no time for my self at all and all my family is telling me to cut down

i have no idea how to go about this

i don't want to stir things up or she will stop contact all together.

suggestions please

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how many days access 3 years 9 months ago #67636

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Hi there

I think you will be the envy of a lot of our members that you get so much time with your son, although I do understand that you also need some time for yourself.

Are the arrangements that you currently have due to the mothers own work comittments?

What changes would you like to make to the current arrangements?

Have you thought about utilising child care a couple of afternoons a week to help ease the situation. Depending on the age of your son, he would be entitled to 15 hours free child care a week and I believe this will be rising soon. As far as the weekends are concerned, you could suggest that you have him a full weekend every two weeks, that gives you both some quality weekend time for yourselves to enable a social life, alternate weekends are generally the norm for this reason.

I think your first step should be to talk to the mother about how you're feeling, this isn't going to get sorted out without you getting together and reaching some agreements and it will take compromise on both sides. If you have difficulty with this then you could think about using mediation to try and sort it out. Here's a link to the mediation services.

www.nfm.org.uk

Best of luck :)
The following user(s) said Thank You: dadwhitehead

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Last Edit: by Mojo.

how many days access 3 years 9 months ago #67649

hi thanks for the reply
And the mother does not work and has loads more spare time to do nothing
Im just lookin for a free weekend
got loads to do in my house. gunna burn out at this rate

im just gunna have to tell her i was just needing to know what was expectable in terms of days I have him
don't want to cut them down tooo much and have to be dragged through the courts

thanks again

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how many days access 3 years 9 months ago #67663

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Hi there

As the mother doesn't work then she can be more flexible. You didn't mention how old your child is, before you know it your son will be starting school and you won't see him as much....these times are precious, your son is developing at a phenomenal rate and changes happen daily.

When you break down the hours you see him weekly, it works out at about 35hrs a week, so about a day and a half, when put that way it doesn't seem as excessive.

I think you're right and the changes that would have the most impact For you are the weekends and my initial suggestion of alternating weekends, starting from Friday - Sunday evening every fortnight would give each of you some quality time.

The family courts are generally there to try and sort out contact for parents that are being denied access to their child,this doesn't apply to you and your ex couldn't take you to court to make you have him more.

When you talk to her put it to her that the changes you are proposing would be good for both of you.

Good luck

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

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