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TOPIC: Seperation pretty much imminent

Seperation pretty much imminent 8 years 2 weeks ago #18595

Hi all,

First post. I am a very proud dad and husband. I have a 2 year old and a 15 year old step child. My wife and I have been married for 6 years and she has announced that she wants us to seperate. I have tried to persuade her to try to make things work out but she is adamant.

She has suggested/demanded that I move out of the marital home into a rented house, leaving her in the marital home (joint mortgage). She will then "get the house ready for selling"

Tonight we discussed seperating and the financial issues involved. We have around 5k of debt on cards/overdraft and agreed in principle that it should be split evenly.

When we bought our house, it needed a lot of modernisation/upgrading and we stayed in my house whilst the work was done she bought "our house" (we both previously owned our own homes). Once both houses were sold we used the profit from my house to pay for our wedding and house repairs and the house became jointly owned.

My mother in law passed away a few years ago and we carried out some more upgrades to the house using money my wife had inherited.

During the time we have been togethor I have always worked and I am the main breadwinner in the family, at the moment my wife is not working.

I am concerned that if I move out, with two sets of bills to pay either/both of us will build up more debt, which will become joint debt.

When we discussed either selling the house, or buying her out of the mortgage, she seemed to think that any equity in the house was "hers" due to the work done using the inheritance. I am not disputing this (or agreeing with it).

I have suggested that we separate our finances If and when I move out and any debt incurred post split would belong to the individual.

I would obviously still be liable for the mortgage payments and would have to pay maintenance for my child.

I still wish we could work things out, I love my wife and kids dearly but she is absolutely determined that we should seperate.

Any advice on my situation would be appreciated.

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Re: Seperation pretty much imminent 8 years 2 weeks ago #18603

  • Nannyjane
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Hi there

Welcome to the Forum.

Seperation is never easy and there is usually one party that will suffer the most. Its a long shot but have you suggested marriage counselling with Relate, or Mediation through NFM?

I think a joint mortgage is just that and any money spent on the property by either party isnt relevant to the division of any equity, but I think that because of the child involved it might be that you would get a lesser share... There are more experienced members here that will be able to clarify your situation and I'm sure they will drop by and advise you...

I think its right that the finances be seperated when/if you leave the home, but you are right about still being responsible for the mortgage and maintainance for your child.

Has your wife given you any reasons why she wants this? If theres no third party involved and its more to do with staleness in the relationship (we do tend to take each other for granted after a while..) you could try courting her all over again...try to re-create how it was at the start, put some sparkle and spontaneity back into the equation...silly suggestions perhaps, but it might be worth a try.

Good luck with everything.

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Mum and Grandmother, supporting my son who has residency of his son.
I want to see a much fairer system in place, where Dads and their children have a voice that can be heard.
There are many groups of people that have equal rights within our society and its about time Dads were given equal rights too.
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