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TOPIC: Being controlled by OH

Being controlled by OH 5 years 6 months ago #40246

Hello all

As always any advice or similar experience welcome from you guys. Basically the OH has only a week to go til she gives birth but last week I walked away because of continuous horrendous arguing, which has been the same for 7 years. Even the pregnancy didn't improve the situation. I have 22 year history of depression and the stress of it all just made me walk. Of course I have the old abandoned line being then at me now, even though I walked from the relationship not her and the child. Far from it I won't to be there and be a good dad, but nit inside of the relationship. I've tried to be moderate, suggested counselling etc but she's not interested.

So after a week of silence we've agreed to meet today to discuss the baby etc, but in reality I know what she really wants to do is start the blame game, get me to crawl and grovel etc. She very much enjoys the control and that's what she really misses as a result of the breakdown, not me. The relationship has been a mess for 7 years and we need to let it go.

Problem is that even though I want to stand my ground and never go back, I really want to be there for the baby's early years which must be so special. This is my first and probably only child and if I don't see these months it will kill me. I guess a part of me also wonders whether the baby would bring us together, and if there's a 1% chance that will happen then I should give it a go! even though all the advice is that a baby fixes nothing and will probably make matters worse.

I wish I could just be strong, take the pain of being excluded until I gain access. But I'm just feeling really vulnerable and weak and want to be there at the birth, early years etc. I'm also aware however that having to split once the baby and I have developed a bond could be far worse.

An utter mess and a never ending nightmare. We should never have had children and I just can't see this hell ending.

Miraclesp cures welcome please :0(

Best,
Stuart

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Being controlled by OH 5 years 6 months ago #40284

Hi Stuart,

How did it go? Were the two of you able to talk without getting into a row?


Babies don't solve relationship issues, so if the two of you do get back together you will still need to work incredibly hard at the relationship.
Remember babies can also add additional stress on a relationship. It maybe worth the two of you trying some relationship counselling, if it helps think of it as Relationship support.

I hope it went well and you got the result you were looking for.
Keep talking.
Gooner.

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Being controlled by OH 5 years 6 months ago #40289

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Hi Stuart

Hope the meeting went off ok and you were both able to talk.... How I wish there was a miracle cure! I would often give reassurances that with the arrival of baby mums hormones settle and the almost psychotic mum to be returns to her more normal self. Lets hope this is the case with your OH...I know you said that your relationship has been volatile long before the pregnancy but still, once a woman has had a baby all sorts of changes take place....my daughter is a case in point! She was a handful and so fiery, but after the arrival of her baby when she was 27 she has softened and calmed down a lot!

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Mum and Grandmother, supporting my son who has residency of his son.
I want to see a much fairer system in place, where Dads and their children have a voice that can be heard.
There are many groups of people that have equal rights within our society and its about time Dads were given equal rights too.
Last Edit: by Nannyjane.

Being controlled by OH 5 years 6 months ago #40290

my daughter a case in point! She was a handful but after the arrival of her baby when she was 27 she has softened and calmed down a lot!


Was that caused by her becoming a mother? not doubting NJ just interested.....

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Being controlled by OH 5 years 6 months ago #40294

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I think it might well be!

Without being sexist or old fashioned a woman's body is designed to give birth, taken down to a basic level we are all here to procreate and ensure our lineage and the continuation of our species. Also before a woman has a baby, if she is well into her twenties, her monthly cycle is often fraught with problems...pain, heavy or irregular periods etc...this will more often settle right down once a baby comes along. A woman can also feel unfulfilled, and this can cause emotional stress which can manifest itself negatively.

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Mum and Grandmother, supporting my son who has residency of his son.
I want to see a much fairer system in place, where Dads and their children have a voice that can be heard.
There are many groups of people that have equal rights within our society and its about time Dads were given equal rights too.

Being controlled by OH 5 years 6 months ago #40298

I think it might well be!

Without being sexist or old fashioned a woman's body is designed to give birth, taken down to a basic level we are all here to procreate and ensure our lineage and the continuation of our species. Also before a woman has a baby, if she is well into her twenties, her monthly cycle is often fraught with problems...pain, heavy or irregular periods etc...this will more often settle right down once a baby comes along. A woman can also feel unfulfilled, and this can cause emotional stress which can manifest itself negatively.


Do you know what, no sarcasm intended at all (in the slightest) - these are wise words.

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Being controlled by OH 5 years 6 months ago #40299

Thank you for explaining that NJ that sounds very plausible.

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Being controlled by OH 5 years 6 months ago #40300

meanwhile back on topic.......... :whistle:

I hope it went well Stuart - keep trying to be moderate. It's hard to have a row if one of the people involved is being reasonable. That's the only way to move forward - if your both reasonable.


Keep talking.

Gooner.

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Last Edit: by Goonerplum.

Being controlled by OH 5 years 6 months ago #40719

It went awful mate, we are unable to communicate.

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Being controlled by OH 5 years 6 months ago #40838

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It's a slow process, but you need to persevere, however much the odds seem stacked against you.

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Being controlled by OH 5 years 5 months ago #41504

Mack, you must be a dad by now. congratulations.

has anything changed? have things moved on any? Have you seen your child?

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Being controlled by OH 5 years 5 months ago #41819

About to post an update!

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