TOPIC: Can't let go of what ex done when she was pregnant

Can't let go of what ex done when she was pregnant 4 months 4 days ago #98374

actd wrote: You could pass on congratulations via your sister, that way you aren't contacting directly over it, but it's a civil thing to do.


Perhaps....... I'll sleep on it another bit

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Can't let go of what ex done when she was pregnant 4 months 4 days ago #98375

Mojo wrote: If it were me I would do it for my son.



My son has custody of his child, the mother was a disgrace, there was drugs, drink and neglect involved, but we still had to fight to get him away from her.

We’ll never forgive her for that time, even though it was a few years ago now. Shes very lax about contact, often doesn’t call him and has never really stepped up. However, we always make a point of buying cards and small gifts for her from our boy, and gifts and cards for his siblings... but it’s purely for his sake, as we don’t think he’d feel right when visiting them on their birthdays or at Christmas, if he didn’t have something to give them... Whether we like it or not, they are still his family.

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Can't let go of what ex done when she was pregnant 4 months 4 days ago #98376

Mojo wrote: If it were me I would do it for my son.

Do what? Congratulate her?

My son has custody of his child, the mother was a disgrace, there was drugs, drink and neglect involved, but we still had to fight to get him away from her.

We’ll never forgive her for that time, even though it was a few years ago now. Shes very lax about contact, often doesn’t call him and has never really stepped up. However, we always make a point of buying cards and small gifts for her from our boy, and gifts and cards for his siblings... but it’s purely for his sake, as we don’t think he’d feel right when visiting them on their birthdays or at Christmas, if he didn’t have something to give them... Whether we like it or not, they are still his family.


I see, and that's a very difficult situation for your son to have been and to continue to be in.

For me, my sons mother is a great mum. No drugs, no alcohol abuse, no neglect. She's great in all the ways you would want the mother of your child to be. The downside is of course, all the shit she did to me. If only she hadn't done some of those things that are completely irreversible, I wouldn't be so resentful deep down inside and could be totally happy for her and her new family without me.

As for my son. I've always planned to facilitate his love for his sibling. Whe I take him out, he will return with a gift for them etc.

But I'm still going to hate her.

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Can't let go of what ex done when she was pregnant 4 months 4 days ago #98379

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That was your question wasn’t it? Yes, congratulations, or rather just a civil welcome to the new arrival.

I know how difficult you’ve found her past behaviour and as I’ve said before, you’ve come a long way in dealing with your bitterness.

This is just my opinion, what I was saying is that we do things for our loved ones that we may feel uncomfortable with sometimes, but we do it for them.

Perhaps small gestures of kindness on behalf of your son will help to dissolve that deep down resentment and hatred that you still carry... both very destructive emotions that I hope you’ll be able to let go of one day. Besides you wouldn’t want her to think that you still have feelings for her, ignoring the new arrival might just be viewed that way.

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Can't let go of what ex done when she was pregnant 4 months 3 days ago #98387

Mojo wrote: That was your question wasn’t it? Yes, congratulations, or rather just a civil welcome to the new arrival.

Yeah, I still haven't said anything, but I should probably at least say a simple congratulations, and that's all.

I know how difficult you’ve found her past behaviour and as I’ve said before, you’ve come a long way in dealing with your bitterness.

The things I've done and the changes I've made in my life to this point and also the direction I'm headed, all created by myself as a result of what she did, is actually somewhat surreal.

This is just my opinion, what I was saying is that we do things for our loved ones that we may feel uncomfortable with sometimes, but we do it for them.

Perhaps small gestures of kindness on behalf of your son will help to dissolve that deep down resentment and hatred that you still carry... both very destructive emotions that I hope you’ll be able to let go of one day. Besides you wouldn’t want her to think that you still have feelings for her, ignoring the new arrival might just be viewed that way.


Yeah I've done this before. Like on mothers day if I have my boy around that time I'll bring him home with a gift for her. And of course at Christmas.

I'm quite certain she knows I don't have feelings for her. At least not romantic feelings anyway.

I'll just have to go with the flow. If anything ever happens that I don't agree with, like my sons surname changing if she got married, I'll let them know about, tell them I disapprove, and then go back to doing my thing.

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Can't let go of what ex done when she was pregnant 4 months 3 days ago #98395

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... going with the flow and keeping a quiet eye on things is the best way to go IMO... All the best

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Last Edit: by Mojo.

Can't let go of what ex done when she was pregnant 1 month 3 weeks ago #99800

Hi again, a major revelation has changed EVERYTHING.

I was dropping my boy off today, and his mum came out and was talking to my sister as I was in the yard saying hi to my sons new puppies, which he wanted to show me.

I came back to the car and I could soon tell that the conversation was of a medical nature. I listened for a bit and then asked my child’s mum “what is it” and she told me she could potentially be about to be diagnosed with MS.

It immediately hit me hard and I struggled to hold tears back there and then. She talked more about the situation; waiting for blood tests; has to spend 5 hours at hospital this coming Monday; it could be important that it’s discovered early, etc etc.

I got out of the car and told her it was freaking me out and I gave her a massive hug, telling her I hope she is gunna be ok.

She was keeping a brave face on, being in high enough spirits and even joking that she could “be on the way out”. But I know she’ll be frightened, I mean, she’s just had another baby and to begin considering the future, should you find out you have such a life-changing illness would be daunting. She’shad 2 mini-strokes, and this further potential illness was found as a result.

I’ve cried a few times since. I cried whilst typing this. And I’ll likely cry many more times about it.

Everything I’ve said on this thread and my other thread about how I felt hard done by and all my perceived grievances, are now completely eradicated. She is absolved of anything I held against her. There will never be another word about it.

I feel terrible that it’s taken something like this to make me truly, and so quickly, let it all go. But there’s nothing I can do about the last 7 years holding on to it, all I can do now is be a better man and a better person to her going forward.

She doesn’t deserve something like this. She is an incredible mother. My sister told me the other day that she has never seen a child who is as well behaved as my son, even over her own 3 children.

On everything I hold sacred, on my life, on my soul, I sincerely hope with all my heart that the mother of my child is going to be ok.

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Can't let go of what ex done when she was pregnant 1 month 3 weeks ago #99810

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Hi there

I’m sorry to hear this...It often takes something “big” to jolt our reality and make us re evaluate our feelings.

All I can do is add my hope that she is going to be ok too.

All the best

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Can't let go of what ex done when she was pregnant 1 month 2 weeks ago #99833

Thank you. I think she was due to find something out about it today, I've not yet received any news however.

Just really hoping and praying that she doesn't get diagnosed with it.

Her health and well-being is now the most important thing.

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