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TOPIC: Introducing my children to my girlfriend

Introducing my children to my girlfriend 4 years 2 months ago #60404

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Hi all,
I have a 13 year old son with aspergers who lives with me 3 days a week, his condition is not an issue with me as he seems perfectly normal but he does struggle with change. I have slowly got him used to the fact that I am seeing someone but so far he has not met her. It has been 4 months and I have decided the time is right so we are going out for a meal so he can meet my girlfriend. He is not keen although he has been quite happy about me seeing her. As I have no experience in this situation I would appreciate any advice.

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Two kids, one living with me for half the week the other only visits.

Introducing my children to my girlfriend 4 years 2 months ago #60406

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Hi there

Perhaps you could introduce her by showing him a photograph, then perhaps she could write him a short letter about how much she would like to meet him. Just laying the groundwork so that there are no surprises and he knows what she looks like. For the first contact it might be better to choose something like bowling so that its less formal than a sit down meal around a table. There will be other things to distract him and the informality of it would help IMO.

Best of luck with it and let us know how you get on.

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Mum and Grandmother, supporting my son who has residency of his son.
I want to see a much fairer system in place, where Dads and their children have a voice that can be heard.
There are many groups of people that have equal rights within our society and its about time Dads were given equal rights too.
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Introducing my children to my girlfriend 4 years 2 months ago #60408

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Thanks, I will keep you posted. He has seen a picture so that's a start.

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Two kids, one living with me for half the week the other only visits.

Introducing my children to my girlfriend 4 years 2 months ago #60409

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....perhaps you could utilise FaceTime or Skype as a starting point. I'm sure with small steps he will be absolutely fine, and you seem like a very thoughtful and caring Dad so I'm sure you will get it right!
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Mum and Grandmother, supporting my son who has residency of his son.
I want to see a much fairer system in place, where Dads and their children have a voice that can be heard.
There are many groups of people that have equal rights within our society and its about time Dads were given equal rights too.

Introducing my children to my girlfriend 4 years 2 months ago #60450

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Is a meal the best place? It is quite formal and restrictive. Perhaps go to somewhere he feels comfortable and relaxed - somewhere with a play area he likes perhaps? And when he's there and settled, then perhaps your girlfriend can just come and sit next to you, and he can then come and go as he pleases rather than feeling he's being forced into meeting her?

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Introducing my children to my girlfriend 4 years 2 months ago #60452

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Ahh, he's 13 though, its a hard age, too old for play areas. My daughter is coming too, she's 14 and she's bringing a friend.

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Introducing my children to my girlfriend 4 years 2 months ago #60463

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OK, maybe play area was the wrong phrase - basically any location where he can do things he enjoys without necessarily having to sit next to you the whole time - if and when he wants to join you, he can, if not he can occupy himself but still see you are there. It's just you allow him (and your daughter) a space where they can relax.
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Introducing my children to my girlfriend 4 years 2 months ago #60886

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Just thought I would let you know it went well, some quite moments and some laughs. I introduced her to my kids at my house first then we went out. It helped that my daughter brought a friend. My son was quite happy and was glad he met her.

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Introducing my children to my girlfriend 4 years 2 months ago #60892

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That's great trinity! Sometimes we worry unnecessarily don't we! .....but it's better to be prepared and its obviously paid off!

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Mum and Grandmother, supporting my son who has residency of his son.
I want to see a much fairer system in place, where Dads and their children have a voice that can be heard.
There are many groups of people that have equal rights within our society and its about time Dads were given equal rights too.

Introducing my children to my girlfriend 4 years 2 months ago #60893

Hi,

I have a 10 year old daughter who has Autism so know exactly what you are going through. Personally I found it easier to introduce my girlfriend to her at a location which was not stressful, had lots of things to do so conversation could easily be sparked and was child friendly. This enabled me to bring my daughter to a location of something she was interested in and could experience it with me and meet my new partner.

This also aloowed me to control the time we all spent together and if things got uncomfortable we could leave. Next time the meet might be for longer, and so on. All was done so my daughter was happy and comfortable.

I think a meal would be quote formal and could be quite a pressured environment for people to meet the first time. If things start to go bad then harder to leave if half way through a meal.

Id also pre-empt it with photos, maybe a phone video of you and your new girlfriend having fun together?

Social stories are excellent so you could create a social story of you all meeting and some fun things you plan to do so everyone is aware of what is happening on that day?

Hope that helps.
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Introducing my children to my girlfriend 4 years 2 months ago #60896

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Thank you, we met up a few days ago as per my earlier post and it went well. It was a bit of a gamble going for a meal but we went to my son's favourite restaurant. He was diagnosed when he was 10 and in those days things had to be set out in a much stricter format. He is more easy going down and rightly or wrongly I push his boundaries a little which I know with his condition might not always be the best thing to do but I do believe it has made a positive affect on his life.

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Two kids, one living with me for half the week the other only visits.

Introducing my children to my girlfriend 2 months 1 week ago #97370

Hi, my name is Jyoti and I am interested in dad blogs. I've seen numerous new relationship turn sour when an accomplice is acquainted with youngsters too rapidly. It can cause anguish for everybody – particularly youngsters who are presumably clutching the possibility that their folks will, in the long run, get back together. It might require investment for your kids to acknowledge another individual in their life.

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Last Edit: by jyotisharma2859.
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