Thanks for the replies and support.
I think you are right, my ex's mother is an enabler, and her behaviour is learnt from her mother. The way my ex was brought up has totally lead to her being this way, as well as having her mother's genes. She was the third child and ignored by her parents for the most part, and consequently got away with murder and was never really disciplined. When she became a teenager she got totally out of hand, because of the lack of discipline and control her parents had, and my ex ran circles around them. Now she is an adult, she thinks she can carry on doing the same as she always has. I do think she is very slowly coming to the realisation that she can't act the way she does, especially since her own solicitor and cafcass have spoken to her directly about her selfish actions. But, unfortunately, like it was with me, I think it's going to take a few more boyfriends/fiances getting abused by her, and then finally seeing clearly and finding the courage to stand up to her and walk away, and fight for their independence, confidence and self esteem, for her to reach the point where she realises she has to make a dramatic change in her behaviour, for her sake and for our daughter's.
With what I know about my ex's family now - there's loads of stuff - from abuse to mental illness. I have depression and anxiety myself btw, so I am not discriminating. But the way that both my ex and her mum are narcissists/psychopaths, as she is a mirror of her mother, makes me really worry about my daughter's well being. But as both solicitors I have had have pointed out, without hard evidence of their behaviour, I can only keep my eye out and document anything bad if and when it happens.
Learning that my ex is a narcissist and a psychopath, has allowed me to do a lot of research in to those personality types, which has made it easier to understand why my ex behaves in certain ways. What I am not trying to deal with, is coming to terms with someone who was a narcissist/psychopath, as it basically means she is a fraud and she wore a mask for the whole of our relationship, So it's learning to move on from the fact that I was truly in love with someone, when they were treating our relationship like a game. I feel cheated out of two and half years of my life when I could have been with someone who loved me back. Obviously, got my daughter from the relationship, which is of course a very positive thing and something i would never want to change. But the longer I am out of the relationship, the more I realise just how much of what she said was a lie, and how much of what she did was just an act. Like getting pregnant 'by accident' for starters.
I too was in an abusive relationship whilst married. Thankfully I left him in 2009, divorced 2010, something he has never forgiven me for. I was abused financially, mentally, physically, he uses the kids as pawns. Yet according to him I was the abuser! I received some counselling but it wasn't enough to deal with everything. Keep strong, keep your head heldhigh as you are the better person. Well done you for coming on here and getting some much needed advice and support.