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TOPIC: 3mth Baby in a 6mth Relationship

3mth Baby in a 6mth Relationship 10 years 8 months ago #4802

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Hi Guys, I've been with my girlfriend 6 months, and she is now 3 months pregnant. For the past couple months we have done nothing but argue, its almost as if she is a different person to who i first met. She is extremely emotional and hypersensitive, and gets into hysterics at the slightest thing. Part of me thinks this is due to hormonal changes, but then i can't be sure as i've not known her long enough to say. I don't know whether i want to be with her anymore, as she is currently not the same person i initially fell for, and all the arguing is draining me. I don't want to stay with her just because of the baby, but this will be my first child and i'm scared that if we're not together i'll see very little of the baby as she lives almost 2hrs away from me.

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Re: 3mth Baby in a 6mth Relationship 10 years 8 months ago #4804

hI Scorpio,

Welcome to DadTalk. Before we give any advice how about a bit more background info.

You say your girlfriend is 3 mnths pregnant, how old is she ? how long ago did she tell you ? Is this her first child ? How do you feel about the prospect of being a dad ?



gooner

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Re: 3mth Baby in a 6mth Relationship 10 years 8 months ago #4805

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Hi Goonerplum, sorry for not putting too much info, wanted to keep it as short + sweet as possible. I'm 31, she is 24. We found out when she was 3 weeks. Funnily, it was me that suspected she was pregnant due to her behavioural changes and i suggested she gets a pregnancy kit. Being an only child, i'm quite looking forward to seeing a mini version of myself, but one part of me is afraid of being trapped in a relationship that i can't get out of, and the other part of me doesn't want to run the risk of only getting to see my child just on weekends.

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Re: 3mth Baby in a 6mth Relationship 10 years 8 months ago #4807

Thanks for the extra info scorp.

She is extremely emotional and hypersensitive, and gets into hysterics at the slightest thing.


This is all normal I promise - hormones are throwing her whole system all over the place. So chances are that the girl you first met is still in there somewhere. of course your right, in 6 months you may not have got to know her fully and you're maybe seeing the real person now the initial honeymoon period is over. To be honest I would guess it is a bit of both, as ideally you would have waited longer than 3 months before getting to the whole pregnancy thing ;) .

Don't think of this as being trapped into a situation, your own fears will be magnifying your take on the situation. You need to give her your understanding at the moment, back down from rows and try to calm any situations when she is getting hyper sensitive. Just try to be there for her.

Your both going through a massive change in your lives and are both, i would imagine, very nervous about your futures. Its is only natural that this would impact on your relationship - the trick is to take this on board and try your best not to allow it to.

I hope this is of some help. I'm sure other Dadtalkers will have words of wisdom to.

Gooner

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Re: 3mth Baby in a 6mth Relationship 10 years 8 months ago #4869

Hi Scorpio, and congratulations!

We're expecting our first baby in December and it's true it can be an emotional and stressful time, on top of being an exciting time. Although I'm sure you're both excited, this is a massive change and something that will affect you for the rest of your lives. It's possible that the reason for your girlfriend's emotional volatility is a feeling of being overwhelmed and out of control. It sounds like this wasn't in your immediate plan - it wasn't in ours either. Feeling out of control can do mad things to people.

Do you think there's any possibility she's having some of the same feelings as you? Or even feeling a bit insecure? I'm sure it can be scary as a woman to be unexpectedly pregnant and wondering if the father is going to stick with you.

I'd take Gooner's advice and just give her some time and try to back down from any rows. Once she sees you're committed to trying to make it work, she may calm down and return to her old self. I also hear the second trimester (at about 14 weeks) is a lot easier for pregnant women, so don't give up hope!

All the best...

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"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." ~Elizabeth Stone

Re: 3mth Baby in a 6mth Relationship 10 years 8 months ago #4933

Keep in touch Scorpio - let us know how its going and keep us updated on the trials and tribulations of a new dad.


Gooner

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Re: 3mth Baby in a 6mth Relationship 10 years 7 months ago #5170

hi Scorpio!

Well done for reaching out. I second all that has been said so far - it is not an easy time and stressful for you both. 24 is quite a young age for our modern world too, so no wonder she is feeling emotional and worried.

Try not to take the arguments too seriously, get some comedy DVDs in to keep your spirits up and maybe you can even use the distance between you to your advantage to keep a sense of perspective on it all!

6 months is still long enough to spend time on your relationship, try to put in some time doing things you both enjoy while she is able to get out and about, and seek out friends and relations who will be happy about the baby and encourage you.

I would say, don't be afraid to make a committment - anything worthwhile in life requires a committment and having a child together is a great, great gift for any of us (speaking as a dad to be myself, and knowing how it feels somewhat!).

Keep in touch,

M

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Re: 3mth Baby in a 6mth Relationship 10 years 7 months ago #5218

A lot of this will be to do with her hormones, they will be playing havoc and throwing her all over so you need to stay strong and support her best you can.

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