So my ex walked out on me almost two years ago now, with our 3 month old daughter, and I have not talked to her in person since that day. More than this, she took our daughter to live in Ireland, whilst I live in Wales, making visiting and maintaining a relationship with my daughter a complete nightmare. During the divorce and financial settlement she spouted endless lies about me, which led to a stressful, drawn out divorce. Thankfully the judge saw sense and quashed all the allegations, but I have still essentially lost everything; my wife, my daughter, all my savings and most of the house. For all these reasons I hate my ex-wife, and have done, ever since she took my daughter away from me.
However, the divorce and financial settlement concluded in February of this year, and ever since, whilst I still feel hate for her, I now find myself really missing her and what we had. I feel like we've just separated all over again.
I'm now in a new relationship, and have been for the last year, with a lovely lady. It's going really well, and my new partners daughter seems to think of me as her dad, which is great. Since I've been having these feelings though I've been comparing her to my ex, which I know is a terrible thing to do. I don't want to screw up this relationship because of my last, but I'm finding it harder and harder to hide these feelings.
I think that maybe you would benifit from some councelling, to help you work these feelings out, I suspect that your feeling of missing your ex could be more about the loss of seeing your daughter and the family you hade when you were with your ex.
I would seek some help as if you are in a good solid relationship then it would be a real shame for this to end because of this.
its probaly because you have been with your ex for at least a few years and feelings dont fade overnight. you get used to someone. i met my first wife when i was 22, she was 19. we married 4 years later. she ended our marriage when i was 40 i was devastated but we stayed friends for several years until i met someone else and she kicked off, she told lies to solicitor and we havnt spoke for two years now. my kids are 19 and 16 and i still see them. i have daughter nearly 2 years old with new wife. love them both but even though i dont want back with my ex i still cant stop thinking of the great years we had together. i feel sad that we arnt still friends. i dont love her still. am angry what she done but i wont hate her. i think its just we were in each others lives for 23 years. but i know i have to live without her or ill never be happy.i think its same with you. time will heal things. would you go back to your ex tomorrow if she asked i doubt it as she could cause you more pain.time hopefully heals old wounds.
I agree, it's easy to look back to the good times you had with someone and miss that, especially if you are feeling a bit down for any reason. It's where time is a healer. Of course, with my children's mother, most of what I remember with her is her alcoholism and the appalling way she treated the children, so I have no pangs whatsoever with her, but I do with my others.
my ex began to hit the drink bad at weekends. would drink a 750 ml bottle of vodka on fri and sat nights and then verbally abused me. i would go to bed alone to find she had passed out drunk on sofa in early hours of morning. this was beginning of the end.
Mine was already at that stage when I met her, but I had no idea, or experience of what alcoholism really was like. By the time I realised it was a serious issue, my son had been born and I wasn't going to leave him.