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TOPIC: Need some advice

Need some advice 1 year 2 weeks ago #95815

I don't really have anyone to discuss this with or get advice from.

I am currently with a girl who I don't particularly like but we have a 7 month old who I absolutely love to bits and want to be with every day.

I also have a 8 year old son with my ex who I see regularly and we have a family arranged maintenance plan - all is good.

But the problem is current gf - she is constant slandering my other son and has issues with me seeing or contacting him. We argue all the time not just a couple of times a week it's 24/7 and I can barely stand being around her. Basically I just want out but she says if I go I won't get to see my son, it feels like I'm totally stuck.

Has anyone been in a situation like this or can offer any advice?

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Need some advice 1 year 2 weeks ago #95823

  • Mojo
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Hi there

It must be awful for you and distressing for your baby if your arguing 24/7... i think you’ll agree, it’s no environment to bring up a child in.

The fact that she has an issue with your other child is very worrying and is probably a big contributor to your growing dislike of her... it sounds toxic to be honest.

If you decide to leave, it won’t be easy, but there would be a couple of options open to you. The first would be mediation to try and sort some contact out, if that didn’t work, or she refused to attend, you then have the option of making an application to the family court for a Child Arrangements Order.

It’s not necessary to have a solicitor to represent you, it can be extremely expensive, many Dads here have represented themselves with much success, and we would do all we can to advise and support you.

There’s plenty of info,in the stickys at the top of the legal eagle section, but if you have any questions, you only need to ask.

If you are looking for direct support, you might like to attend a Families Need Fathers meeting in your area. Here’s a link to their website where you’ll find a list of meetings nationally, hopefully there will be one near you.


Leaving is hard, but staying in an unhappy relationship is harder. Stay strong and best of luck

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Need some advice 1 year 2 weeks ago #95828

  • crx
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She's said if you go you won't get to see your son.
Do you think she doesn't want you to leave her? Is she reliant on you for money etc
Can't you talk to her and say you can't take the arguing, you just want to be happy with her and your child and see your other child now and then?
I know it's probably not possible cos she sounds like a bad one. At least you can say you tried reasoning with her and you can be satisfied that cos she didn't do what's right she is suffering all by her own doing.
Is she going to be worse off if you leave her?
If you go to court don't take it too seriously, you'll probably get to be a weekend dad and that most likely will be controlled and stopped as and when your ex chooses.

I was in a similar situation, I had to leave and she's rotted since and due to her anger made life hell using our daughter as a weapon. You just gotta bide your time and hope as your child grows up it sees who is the genuine parent and comes to you themself.
I didn't see my daughter for months at times, life was disrupted for years, police ambulances just crazyness. Now its heaven, ex is non existent to me and our daughter and the ex is living a awful lonely life, financially screwed.
she's going to have to repay child tax credits and I keep meaning to put in a claim for child maintenance which I will do soon!
Took around nine years to get to were I am now with the ex, kinda to say good has won over bad. Wasn't easy but it's definitely worth it.

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Need some advice 1 year 2 weeks ago #95839

  • Yoda
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I agree with mojo, it does sound toxic.

Have things got worse since your baby was born or has it always been this bad?

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DAD.info Moderator

I have several years experience supporting parents in family proceedings as a McKenzie Friend. I am, however, not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

Need some advice 1 year 2 weeks ago #95885

  • actd
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I would consider going to Relate to see if you can sort the whole situation out with your partner, I think it does need a resolution of some kind otherwise it's just going to get worse.

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