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TOPIC: Same old problems, no solution

Same old problems, no solution 11 months 1 week ago #96550

Hi all,

I'm reaching out, because I really cannot cope anymore.
Here's the situation;

For the past four and a half years, I have been working from home and time and again, I have the same argument with my wife - she wants to sleep more in the mornings because her sleep is often broken (mine too, but not as much as hers) - we have two small children, our 5 year old who sleeps through the night and our 2 year old who wakes up through the night, disturbs her sleep and plays with her eyes for comfort.

Even when I do leave her to sleep more, we still have the argument because it's not enough for her.

As I said before, I work from home, full time, and really, I need to start at 9am - I don't know what time she is expecting to sleep until, but well and truly, I need to be able to get on and it's very difficult with the children running around.

The scenario this morning is that, I took our two year old downstairs and kept him downstairs for almost two hours and it was only when I went to the toilet, that both he and my five year old went to disturb my wife - she wakes up, screaming and shouting at me, telling me that she doesn't trust me.

During term time, I'm up at 7 every morning to take our 5 year old to school - at the moment, being on winter break, the routine is out of whack and it's only me who is back to routine (or trying to be).

I really don't know what to do - it's the same old argument, I end up saying fine, I will find an office and she tells me we cannot afford for me to do so - so, it's a catch 22 and I keep telling her that she can't have it both ways.

Coupled with this, I've had in the past from her, accusations that I don't do enough around the house and my response is always, 'how can I do housework when I'm working' - yet, when I finish work and we have dinner (she cooks mostly because I'm working), I clean the kitchen most nights (though, she disputes this).

It just really feels that I can't do anything right by her, nothing is enough for her and I'm tired of having the same arguments/disputes with her. It's gotten to a point where I feel physically sick after shouting.

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Same old problems, no solution 11 months 1 week ago #96557

  • Mojo
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Hi there

I’m sorry you’re finding your situation so difficult, do you think it might help if you were to separate your work and family life, or do you think that it’s gone beyond that?

Another option could be to put your two year old into nursery, which would free up more work time, by dropping them both off in the mornings and asking your wife to do the pick ups.

If you have family living nearby, perhaps you could take your work there in the afternoons... feeeing up more work time.

Another alternative is some form of couples counselling, have you been able to talk about how you’re feeling to your wife? Counselling might help with this... it’s pretty clear that something needs to change, before it’s too late.

All the best mate

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

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