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TOPIC: Finding out about my separated wife’s new partner....

Finding out about my separated wife’s new partner.... 2 months 2 weeks ago #98179

  • Scally
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Hi,

I’ve been separated from my wife of 25 years for about 18 months, it was not what I wanted. We have 4 children aged 15 to 5. And in my view their marriage failed due to inconsistent parenting where the kids don’t like me as I nag them and she does not, even for simple basic tasks and chores. She denies this is the case and just says I’m aggressive and short tempered. I (and my counsellor) say this is due to the parenting situation.

She told me at the weekend that she has started seeing someone and had introduced him to our children on Friday. However my children have told me that they have been in a relationship for about 4-months, has met the children a few times and has been sleeping over a few nights, he spent the whole weekend there this week. I drove past and saw him playing in the garden with my children., which really upset me.

My question is do I have any right to ask my ex about this man who is becoming part of my kids lives and after a relative short time is staying over and i believe is in a full sexual relationship, with our kids in the house. My 5 yr old told me shes not allowed to go and sleep or go into mummy’s bedroom until shes up!

My 12 yr old told her he does not want him staying as shes still married to me. Her response was that they needed to support her as they do want to see mummy happy!!

As you can tell i am not impressed, firstly about not being told about this relationship and the contact with my children before hand. We have been very amicable and getting on well, talking most days etc. I would have expected after 25 years of Marriage she could have had the decency to tell me about her new partner before introducing him to the children.

I am seeking legal advice today to apply for a diverse as this is the only way I can deal with this as I still love her but hate what she has done to the family.

SO should I ask some more about her new partner??

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Finding out about my separated wife’s new partner.... 2 months 2 weeks ago #98184

  • Mojo
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Hi there

It’s a difficult situation for you and you have my sympathies, but from an outsiders point of view, you have been separated for 18 months and so it’s not as if she has rushed into another relationship straight away, even taking the 4 months into account. She should have been upfront with you, that tells me that she knew it wasn’t really appropriate, so avoided it.

Of course you have the right to ask about her new partner, and to discuss how it changes things and how to manage it sensitively for the children. This is where mediation comes in, you can voice your concerns and make proposals about how you would like it to be handled.

For instance ask that he only sleeps over when the children are with you, at least until it’s clear that the relationship is serious. (Remember that she has told you it’s just started, so you could just play along with that and insist that the children are given time to get used to it). Request that a period of say six months would be reasonable, before he can stay over when the kids are there.

If you’d rather put her on the spot and share what your children have told you, that it’s been about 4 months and that the 12 year old has protested about him staying over, that’s your call, but she might then pull your child on it and make him feel that he can’t tell you things, for fear of repercussions at home.

Hopefully you will have got some good advice from the solicitor and are clearer in your mind how you want to move forward.

All the best

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Last Edit: by Mojo.
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