First off I hope it’s ok posting here as a mother but I could really do with some advice from dads.
I’ll try to cut a long story short and reply to questions along the way, if there are any!
I have a daughter who is 4. Her father and I split when she was 1. For the last three years we have had a very amicable agreement between ourselves. Contact was one midweek every week, then a full weekend, then an off weekend and then a split weekend for the next two week (so a 4 week rota). Ex was also offered an extra midweek on the weeks he didn’t have her at the weekend but he declined. Indirect contact every night via FaceTime from the day we split up onwards.
Ex met another woman and had a baby with her. Everything perfect, she was lovely, utterly adored our daughter and daughter loved her.
And then it all went wrong. Ex suddenly leaves his partner and baby. Within two weeks he is in a relationship with another woman. This woman has all kinds of social issues. Her own children in the care system, drugs, criminal record. He stops turning up to see our daughter. Stops calling.
Daughter was so confused about where daddy had gone, where her stepmum and sister had gone, having nightmares and wetting herself. She was utterly devoted to her dad. We end up having a huge row, I said I didn’t want DD around this woman as 1)safeguarding checks needed to be done 2) DD had already gone through enough upheaval in the last few months 3)he had only known her for a month. He told me if he couldn’t see DD with this woman in tow he wouldn’t see her at all. He then blocked all contact for three months. DD couldn’t call him/FaceTime despite trying repeatedly. She was in the hospital and I managed to get a message to him via his mother, he didn’t bother calling or texting.
I arranged mediation. He wouldn’t respond to the mediator. I offered contact at his mothers house (DD very use to sleeping there and a “familiar” environment), he refused, I asked him what he wanted, no reply. All this was via post.
After three months, out of the blue he suddenly FaceTimes DD one day. She was over the bloody moon. Calls me and says he has split up with girlfriend, is sorry, wants another chance with DD, will never do it again. I agree and say we need to start slowly, has her twice for 4 hours each time. Then gets back with girlfriend again and drops DD like a stone. She hasn’t seen or heard from him in 6 weeks. He is still paying maintenance. I sent him a photo of her via text last week and he didn’t respond at all.
She is no longer trying to call him and said “I’m not going to call daddy anymore, he doesn’t pick up”. It’s utterly heartbreaking.
What can I do here to make him see how much DD needs her father? I heard yesterday that he has got engaged to this woman now. I’m gutted for DD, he is putting his own needs before hers and I just can’t get my head around it. It feels like there should be some magic phrase I can use to make him see what he is losing out on but everything is just met with a brick wall.
Any advice?