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Sex sex sex 10 years 2 months ago #5771

  • Alex80
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I've just turned 30 and we now have a grand total of 3  great kids. The problem is SEX!
Like most of the distinguished gentlemen who frequent this forum, I don't expect my wife to be clawing at my clothes before I've even got through the door everyday.
Apart from anything my clothes bill would be very high.
However, I'd like to think I'm not the only man who would like their wife or partner to lust after them on occasion.
Admitedly, I'm not a Brad, George, or David lookalike but on the other hand, I don't resemble Wayne Rooney, or Matt Lucas or that bloke from the league of gentlemen (you know the one).
First thing to mention is that my wife is a fox. The beautiful female human kind not the pull your bins apart, eat your chickens, squashed orange mess on the road kind of fox.
When we are out she receives lots of attention from men particularly builders. She is a classy kind of girl and it would be fair to say has many virtues, two of which are particularly appealing to my male counterparts. She is very much a yummy mummy.
When we first met we were inseparable and couldn't get enough of each other, of course these days, sustaining that sort of level of sexual activity would be impractical at the very least. Now, we maybe have sex once or twice a month if that and even that feels as though it's under duress.
The main issue Seems to be that I have a sex drive and she doesn't. Why this is, is beyond me. She shy away if I make any advances which to be honest is always going to be a dent in the ego. If my ego were to physically manifest itself it would look something like a 1982 ford escort from dagenham scratched and dented from nose to tail with a tramp asleep in the back seat.
I could go on and on about it but you'll be pleased to know, I won't. Any comments or advice are welcome. Alternatively, if you have a great sexual relationship and want to brag about it, then fill your boots, I would!!!

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Re: Sex sex sex 10 years 2 months ago #5772

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I firmly believe that sex is a tool that all women use to one degree or another to manage the behaviour of us. It is simple supply and demand, if the sex is limited the price a man will pay for it is much higher. Whether that price be who loads the dishwasher or a shopping trip to Harrods, the principle is the same.
As men we don't have that ability to manipulate a womans behaviour as in most cases we don't have anything as powerful as sex to bargin with. Unless, of course you have copius amounts of cash. In which case you are sorted.
This is what drives me insane when I hear about women who have husbands or boyfriends who aren't interested in having sex with their partners. Because there's me like a dog with two dicks chasing my wife round the house and these guys are either gay or getting it elsewhere? Or both.
I have never cheated on my wife and never would. It would not be cheating just on her it would be my 3 kids as well.

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Re: Sex sex sex 10 years 2 months ago #5776

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Alex80 wrote: The main issue Seems to be that I have a sex drive and she doesn't. Why this is, is beyond me.


Perhaps you need to woo her again - a romantic weekend away from the children or some other romantic gesture, but don't have expectations, just enjoy the time with your wife and see what happens :)

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Re: Sex sex sex 10 years 2 months ago #5917

Hi Alex

I'm sorry your sex life with your wife is much less than when you first got together, that's normal for lots of couples, however you say that when you do have sex you feel its under duress. It's not clear whether you have talked to your wife about how you are feeling. I suggest that you find a time, perhaps when you are alone to talk to her about it. You could suggest that you settle for sex just once a week. I don't think that would be excessive, even for a woman who doesn't care for it much.

I wonder if she would agree to 'willingly' have sex with you once a week, in exchange for you making some kind of change to the relationship that she would like? This could be something like you would agree to talk to her more. Or that you would agree to take her out more, or that you would take part in some leisure interest of her choice with her.You might be able to reach this kind of agreement on your own.

But if you can't, then I suggest that you take your problems to Relate and try to sort out some kind of compromise with the assistance of a trained relationships counsellor.

I hope this helps.

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Re: Sex sex sex 10 years 2 months ago #5929

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Thanks for the advice.
What does wooing consist of??? chocolates, flowers, romantic gestures, presents, romantic weekends away???? sounds great, thats £1500 gone.
I know its a crass and flippant point, however i will make it.... that is a lot of prostitute hours!!!
Not that i would ever want to have sex with a prostitute but why do i need to spend money on my wife in order to have sex.
I shouldn't have to exchange, barter or agree a compromise on when and how much sex we should have. It would be nice to think she loves me enough to want to share that intimacy maybe even spontaneously.
If you are reading this and you are married and not having sex, I will be so bold as to say that you have ceased to have a marriage. I say this because your relationship is now no more than something between a friendship and a weird kind of parental job share. Although in most cases you don't normally resent friends or work colleagues for with holding sex.
I remember before I got married I was working with a bunch of guys (all married fathers) and I told them I was getting married. The reaction was immediate and unanimous, "thats great mate, although you do realise that will be the end of your sex life!!!"
I thought this may be an exaggeration, the punch line of the anecdote is..... it wasnt.

My conclusion is this...

We are all still driven by primeval instincts. Women, in general, are hard wired to, make themselves as sexually attractive as possible and indulge in sex in order to attract a man who will provide what they want ie resources and children. And men are attracted by sexually attractive and available women. As soon as these boxes have been ticked and the woman doesn't want any more children there is no basic instinct to have sex as from now on, sex is purely for recreational purposes. If she is so inclined, she maybe persuaded by gifts of one sort or another to allow sex. However, If the woman happens not have a natural sex drive then there is no reason to have sex.

In the brilliant words of the meer cat..... simples

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Re: Sex sex sex 10 years 2 months ago #5938

I shouldn't have to exchange, barter or agree a compromise on when and how much sex we should have. It would be nice to think she loves me enough to want to share that intimacy maybe even spontaneously.


For real dude.... marriage is all about compromise. Wooing doesn't mean spending lots of money, wooing is a heart thing not a wallet thing. Wooing is simply about making your wife feel valued and loved. I'm not saying you don't love her or value her but mate to be honest you can't expect to have sex as a right of marriage! Wives, girlfriends see sex as the destination of a journey that can take days to reach, where as men can be more instantaneous in there desires. Have you read the articles on here about love laungues? How does your wife experiance your love? Love not sex.... how does she know you love her? Hugs, kisses, small gifts, words of affirmation, qulaity time spent together etc.

As soon as these boxes have been ticked and the woman doesn't want any more children there is no basic instinct to have sex as from now on, sex is purely for recreational purposes. If she is so inclined, she maybe persuaded by gifts of one sort or another to allow sex. However, If the woman happens not have a natural sex drive then there is no reason to have sex.


REALLY do you really believe that! Mate sex maybe off the table for now but it will pass. What was your love life like after baby 1 and 2? Was sex something that took time to get back as part of life? As we get older our sex life changes, fact. But your statement above sounds very emotive and harsh. The answer to your sexual frustration is not prositution thats really not a place you wont to go to as it will mess up your marriage.

My best advice would be to check your motive, deal with your feelings and get over it... sex is not the be all and end all of your marriage! Why are you so angry about your sex life?

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Re: Sex sex sex 10 years 2 months ago #5942

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Wow, very honest comments. However, I'm hoping there's just a lot of venting on your part, rather than genuine beliefs. It's good to have an outlet for frustrations, but be careful not to get into resentment, as this could make things very awkward and create conflict etc.

It would be nice to think she loves me enough to want to share that intimacy maybe even spontaneously.


Is this statement true "how often I have sex with a person is proportional to the amount of love I have for that person"? I sincerely hope not.

If you are reading this and you are married and not having sex, I will be so bold as to say that you have ceased to have a marriage.


I'm not sure there is anything in the marriage vows about how often you have sex, and I certainly didn't sign a contract to say as much.

As soon as these boxes have been ticked and the woman doesn't want any more children there is no basic instinct to have sex as from now on.


If this is the case then there is no basis or foundation for relationships, let alone marriages. The only point in man and women getting together is to procreate. Hmmmmm, don't go along with that one, a bit too primitive for me.

I firmly believe that sex is a tool that all women use to one degree or another to manage the behaviour of us. It is simple supply and demand, if the sex is limited the price a man will pay for it is much higher.


A decent vent but do you seriously believe that! If a wife has the ability to manipulate a partner with sex the partner's addiction to sex might need to be addressed, equally so does the wife’s control issue if she uses this as a mechanism for getting her way. Either way a relationship/marriage based on sex as a commodity doesn't sound very loving and its foundation is very ropey. Once both people get what they want (or maybe don't get it) it will surely end.

A marriage is about a commitment to one another. It's about putting your once self-centred life down and becoming more selfless. Surely living a life wanting to bring love and joy to your partner, wanting to satisfy them etc. Something that you've commented on - you expect this from your wife; however, it's a two way thing. And believe me if your focus is on loving your wife and pleasing her, then her focus will be the same to you - and with a bit of communication she'll understand what it is you like. Try focussing whole heartedly on what she wants (with the sole intention of pleasing her and showing her love, acceptance and security), not as a means to get what you want.

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Re: Sex sex sex 10 years 3 weeks ago #6477

i know this is getting on a bit now, but just come back to the forum as expecting my next sprog.

i have now been married for 10 years. our next kiddie is on its way after a nice romantic evening 3 weeks ago, this was the second time we had sex in about 9 months (probably longer but don't want to go there), this length of time doesn't mean our marriage is over, we love each other dearly, the lack of sex comes from both of us for different reasons. don't get me wrong in the early years of our marriage sex happened as often as hot dinners but things change and maybe we need to try harder make it happen more. my point being is that maybe you need to make her want sex (i showed no interest as i am knackered when i get in late from work, so my life consists of everything but sex - reality check, not how i want it), make her feel special, cook her a nice meal and watch a film (her choice) and don't get hung up about sex as this will show and she will withhold.

hope that makes sense.

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Re: Sex sex sex 10 years 2 weeks ago #6615

In reply to Amuse,proud dad is not suggesting that the amount someone has sex with another has any correlation to how much they love them. Surely you've misread somewhere?
He is suggesting that when in a relationship each partner should feel a need to have sex with the other.Why is this unreasonable? Constant rejection and no initiation from one or the other will always lead to the ending of a relationship.
On your second point, no , there is no vow about sex in marriage, you're right. However, I'm positive that if you told a man before he got married that in X amount of years sex would not be a part of that marriage,most would not enter that marriage.
In most modern wedding vows, there is no specific mention of fidelity, 'woo-ing ' or sharing childcare and so on. Yet these are expectations we all have when we enter a marriage.
On your third point, a man and woman coming together is for procreation. That's nature I'm afraid. When as a young person, we see someone in a pub/club or wherever, that is attractive to us, do we think 'hmmm, i'd like to stay with that person till they are old and wrinkly?' Nope, we look at sexual features, different features between the sexes, but still sexual markers for a good person to pro-create with.

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Re: Sex sex sex 9 years 4 months ago #8437

I spoke at length with my partner following the lack of "activity" in our relationship. I have a high sex drive and my partner's fluctuates. Sometimes it twice a day other's one week. I have been told that what I feel is a romantic gesture is annoying and narks her off. She tells me less is more, and that the rampant randy attitude is most off putting.

I have been told that asking for "a sh*g" as not appropriate! Maybe that's where it lies for women. It's about making love (thus feeling loved) as apposed to "sex" which maybe sounds less inviting?...

I have decided on the following. Help her more (wipe up, hoover, things I can manage, as I cannot multitask!!) Offer a back/foot rub without the assumption of it going further, i run a bath and let her have some quality time. Lots more "romantic time" snuggled on the sofa together, even if you're watching casualty! cuddles in bed even if you're gagging for it, it seems the no pressure approach makes her more receptive to making love... Hope this helps?..

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