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TOPIC: Newby looking for some help

Newby looking for some help 6 years 1 month ago #25532

  • dan2k7
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Hi guys, stumbled on this website from gingerbread. I have been having problems with seeing my son who is 4 years old for a few months now. Me and his mother split just over 2 years ago. Things were fine at first I had him half the week and then things changed when she finished college. I then had him 2 days a week.

I am in the TA, last year I was called away to Afghanistan. Whilst away she moved my son to another part of the country. Since I have arrived back I am lucky to see him for 3 days every 4/5 weeks. I am not aware of what school he attends, my ex refuses to tell me certain things. I wasn't even aware he was on holiday this week, so I have missed out on time with him. I guess I am looking for advice on how best to see more of him. Negotiating with her doesn't get very far unfortunately unless she wants something. Any advice greatly accepted.

Dan

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Re: Newby looking for some help 6 years 1 month ago #25534

Hi Dan,

Welcome to the site.

This doesn't sound great seems like your not getting very far.

The negaotiations you have tried may be easier if you tried to do them through mediation, the mediator would hopefully help to promote a compromise that works for you voth.

I would try this first before trying any other route as if you can agree through mediation it will be cheaper, quicker and easier than the legal route.

Darren
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Re: Newby looking for some help 6 years 1 month ago #25538

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Thanks for the reply Darren, I had thought of the mediation route also. However I don't believe there would be any chance in getting her to a session. Her attitude whenever I have protested at lack of contact has been 'if you don't like it go see your solicitor'. What scares me about the prospect of legal action is the length of time. The possibility of not seeing my son for months/years until an agreement is in place.

Dan

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Re: Newby looking for some help 6 years 1 month ago #25545

Hi Dan,

Ask her formally (in writting assent recorded delivery) to attend mediation, within the letter inform her that if you can't reach an agreement you will have no chioce but to take the legal route (though enforced that you want this to be tyhe last resort)

If you don't get a reply you can apply to the courts for them to help.

You should get a first hearing within 3-4 weeks and the judge would look to try and place a temp order at that hearing so you shouldn't be too long without contact.

Darren

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Re: Newby looking for some help 6 years 1 month ago #25552

  • Nannyjane
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Hi Dan and welcome :)

I agree with Darren and to give her less of a reason not to attend you could book with a Mediation Service local to her. It seems you are still able to talk, even if it is difficult... Its important to get across that your son needs you to be in his life, by putting your differences aside you are both putting his interests first, and this can only be good for all of you. If it got to court the judge would only be interested in what is best for your son and would want to see you both putting him first and both being involved in his life.

If you do write to her formally, give her a time limit to respond in writing maybe within 14 days, also keep a copy of any correspondence as well as proof of delivery. Try not to communicate with her over the phone, its better to have proof of any conversations, so txts or emails are preferable. If you were to take advice from a solicitor then its likely he would recommend mediation as a first step....you could imply that you have taken advice and mediation has been the route you were advised to take. Remind her in a non threatening way, that you take your role as a father very seriously and will do whatever you must to ensure you can continue to have a close and loving relationship with your son. (...referring to him always as our son ;) )

If she refuses mediation you will most likely find that the judge will order that you both attend mediation before moving forward with the case anyway.

Just to prepare yourself for every eventuality, have a look at a couple of stickys that you'll find at the top of the Legal Eagle section ~

* Contact Order C100 Guide. This is all about the form that you would fill in and submit to court for contact....unless you have a solicitor, in which case they would do that for you.

* A Guide to Representing Yourself in Court. This has some useful information about the court process. Solicitors can cost thousands and there are many Dads here that choose to represent themselves.

If you are unemployed or on a low income you may be eligible for Legal Aid, but beware the reforms to the Legal Aid system come into effect in April, when all entitlement to financial assistance ceases! If this is the route you intend to take get yourself a solicitor ASAP so that you have time to apply.

Good Luck with everything :)

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Mum and Grandmother, supporting my son who has residency of his son.
I want to see a much fairer system in place, where Dads and their children have a voice that can be heard.
There are many groups of people that have equal rights within our society and its about time Dads were given equal rights too.

Re: Newby looking for some help 6 years 1 month ago #25559

If you have Parental Responsibility you have a legal right to info on your son. Be it from the school, doctor, optician etc. If you check out the schools website they usually have school holiday dates on there!! if not it will be on the school's local council website! Or speak to the schools welfare officer.

Is there nothing that SSAFA can do help wise?... Or from a legal representation point of view?......

If things do progress to court, your requests are not huge. Her behaviour however is something to be ashamed of and she is clearly not putting your son first!

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