TOPIC: Nightmare scenario thanks to my wonderful kids mum

Nightmare scenario thanks to my wonderful kids mum 5 years 2 weeks ago #47745

Hey ted,

I feel your pain mate I've not seen my Girls for nearly 7 months now and like you said it's been sheer hell, I like you have refrained from doing anything stupid so well done for that, I'm putting my trust in the system and hoping the truth will come out so you're doing everything right mate.

As for getting interim contact write a nice letter to the court requesting if they will allow time for the matter of interim contact to be discussed at the directions hearing stating that its been months since your child seen you keep it child focused and polite, I did exactly that but the limp wristed so and so's wouldn't allow it as my ex threw up the Cannabis card and asked me to do a test, you've done yours so that will go in your favour.

They may or may not grant it it just depends on the day :)

Slim :)

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I'm no way trained in Family court matters so don't take my ramblings as gospel but I've been through the Court mill and learned so much along the way I just like passing my experience on to other Dads who face this absolute nightmare from hell, you might not be able to beat the system but don't let it beat you :)

Nightmare scenario thanks to my wonderful kids mum 4 years 10 months ago #50632

  • Ted
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Hi people, just thought I would keep you lot updated on the latest of this so far emotional 6 month roller coaster I've been forced to be on

Well I had my first direction's hearing (fhdra) back on the 14th July and surprising my son's mother actually turned up which was a shock, anyhow she was with her barrister and I was with my mum as I'm self repping, she still hadn't done her side of the caffcass safe guarding check's so there was a caffcass officer at court and she done it there and then, she had the audacity to say she had safeguarding issue's that I smoke cannabis and take methadone, how ridiculous as I most definitely do not however I knew what she was like and had contacted my doctor prior to the hearing so that he could arrange for myself to do a full drug's urine and blood test for which showed all negative... Anyhow her silly barrister had explained that her client has agreed to contact but only through a child contact centre as a starting point, I had agreed only if the judge didn't have the power to authorise otherwise for which they didn't as it was only a direction's hearing, I was hoping to ask for contact to be re-instated in the interim as of immediate effect for every weekend as a starting point but annoyingly most direction hearing's they are purely set out for just direction's as to where we go from now so were as follow's - both parent's to attend mediation, both parent's to attend a separated parents information programme and the father can have contact to be arranged by the parent's as to where, when and for how long and then to go away and wait for a further hearing... I wasn't too happy tbh but decided to agree as it was better to accept the contact centre and at least see my baby son, well not so much baby anymore toddler then refuse and not see him and just to wait for the next hearing...
So a letter came in the post saying another hearing date was given for the 11th August which would be in front of magistrates this time and couldn't wait as I knew finally someone who could make an official decision, anyhow during the time between the 1st hearing and the 2nd none of the direction's had been met so I was liaising with the court's and they pretty much told me that there would be no point coming on the 11/8 as the judge would of asked how did mediation go etc and as it hadn't they would of just said go away and come back once you both have done the direction's set out from 1st hearing... More longness!!! so anyway's that hearing was then adjourned!!..
I immediately then was on her solicitors case to get there asses into gear and now since she has attended a mediation session last week, I saw my son for the 1st time in 51/2 months for 1 poxy hour at this contact centre which there is absolute no need for and only open every 1st and 3 saturday a month, I am due a session of mediation on the 3/9 and on my birthday 21/08 a letter came through from the court with the next hearing date being the 17th Sep (obviously a fantastic birthday present knowing that she would have got the letter too)

If any of you who read this can give me advice as to what I should be doing for the next hearing so that I can emphasise that there is no need for the contact centre and that my child should be with me in the interim unsupervised for at least weekends would be greatly appreciated

It is so soul destroying having to wait for this very long system and just how quick my son is growing up with out the regular contact that me and him used to have, there is no reason as far as I am concerned for the contact centre

Thanks in advance guys

Ed

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Nightmare scenario thanks to my wonderful kids mum 4 years 10 months ago #50720

Not a bad outcome so far if you ask me.
What you need to bear in mind is the age of your child. The child hasn't seen you for quite some time and
will think of you as a complete stranger.
You might feel disappointed about having to meet your little one in a contact centre but if you keep going and let your
child get to know you, you may have a more positive outcome at your next hearing.
My little grandchild will have its first birthday next week and it's only now that the child starts to get to know Daddy and
the rest of our family.
I can still count the amount of times I have seen the little one on one hand over the last 6 months but I am hopeful that things are moving in the right direction.
The child needs to be comfortable with you first before a court would agree to unsupervised access.
One hour in a contact centre may not be a lot to you but it's better than nothing and can only lead to bigger and better progression in the future.

Take care
Kirsten

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Life is simple...it's just not easy.

Nightmare scenario thanks to my wonderful kids mum 4 years 10 months ago #50722

Thats awesome you get to see your child I'd say suck it and see and just keep plodding on with the contact centre as I'm afraid the system has to play out as they want, I know it's awful seeing your child in a CC but if you start kicking up a fuss it will do you no favours in court, just accept what they have ordered jump through the hoops tick the boxes and you will get the contact you want when the courts are satisfied that your child is used to you :)

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I'm no way trained in Family court matters so don't take my ramblings as gospel but I've been through the Court mill and learned so much along the way I just like passing my experience on to other Dads who face this absolute nightmare from hell, you might not be able to beat the system but don't let it beat you :)