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TOPIC: No contact for a year

No contact for a year 5 years 2 months ago #46845

Like many of you on here I have no contact with my daughter . I haven't seen her or had an update on her for a year now . Her mum hasn't even kept in contact with my mum and dad .
I have never questioned my payments I even accepted the added payment thanks to the cms new rules.
My question is
To try and rebuild contact do any of you think it would be worth asking cms if they would forward a letter to her as I have no idea how to contact her no address no phone number and with her track record of changing her surname not even got her current surname.
I did the wallow in self pity and maybe my daughter is better not seeing me as she hasn't got clue who I am really . I did the oh maybe I should wait till she is old enough to under stand more ( she is 2)
BUT she is my daughter I love her she is part of me and I want to be part of her life.
I have a super new girlfriend my family and friends who I know will help me if they can.
What do you guys think you are the ones who have been there and are in the same place as me.
Do I write the letter of course saying I will happily go through a contact centre it's not like I expect to have her for a weekend on our first meeting god it could take months and my daughters happiness is what matters most.
I am worried if I don't try now it will look like I don't care to both my daughter her mum etc and also i am missing so much already but is that me being selfish?
So much more advice I will need but like re building a relationship..(.once I find her!! ) with my daughter it will be one step at a time.
I don't even have a photo of her I am on her her birth certificate but want to be in her life.
Thanks in advance.

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No contact for a year 5 years 2 months ago #46849

Hi Paddi bear, I am in the same boat as you at the moment, have not seen my two little ones for over 6 months and this is second long spell I have not seen them. I am so emotionally and mentally drained from all the back and to from court, her lies, deceit and then moving to god knows where. I have paid for them since the day I was asked to leave their mother and have never questioned any of the money as I want to provide for my kids. All i want is to be in their life, but their mother is hell bent on having someone else raise my kids. It is not fair in the slightest, and I will never understand why women use their kids as a weapon to destroy a person's life. it is vindictive and nasty and has now completely destroyed my new marriage as we are in the process of separating, as we are always arguing and fighting over this slightest thing caused by tension of all these problems.

I am in that bracket now where I am thinking the kids are better off being able to settle into some normallity and not having me disrupting things for them. I feel like my whole world is falling apart and don't know how much longer I can keep the depression from the door. I have no future without my little ones and just want to hold them in my arms and tell them daddy loves them no matter what

I hope things work our for you mate, wish I could see a better way out for me, but hey ho thats life.

Good Luck

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No contact for a year 5 years 2 months ago #46882

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I very much doubt that the CSA would forward any letters from you.

I think it's your daughters right to have you in her life and if that's what you want then go for it. You can apply to the court for a seek and find order, this is done with form C4. It helps that you are on her birth certificate as this means you have parental responsibility.

Many solicitors offer a free initial consultation, it might be useful to use this to gain more information. You would benefit from attending a Families Need Fathers meeting in your area too, here's a link to their webpage where you will find details of meetings in your area.

www.fnf.org.uk/help-and-support/local-branch-meetings

Check out the stickys at the top of the legal eagle section, you will find lots of info about the court process and representing yourself in court....many dads have taken this route and its doable!

Good luck.

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

No contact for a year 5 years 2 months ago #46934

im sorry mate to advise that id recommend forgetting and moving on to a better life. Ive had two years fighting and it has been soo hard and may well break me and I woiuldnt wish this stupidity and torture on anyone

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No contact for a year 5 years 2 months ago #46957

I would hate to think I would feel my daughter wasn't worth fighting for .
Sorry to hers how you feel. I have had no fight YET as I have had no contact from my ex partner so ONCE I find her I may have a battle but at least I can then tell my daughter if and when I ever get to see her I tried .
How is it these woman take our wages and still keep our kids from us?

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No contact for a year 5 years 2 months ago #46960

Go all out and fight to be part of your daughters life, stop the payments and put the money aside then start them again when your ex comes for you, you might be able to find where they are that way, once you find an address start the fight try mediation first when that fails just get on it and battle on through the courts.

Its absolute hell and by far the worst experience of my life but I've got to fight for my girls I want to be able to look them in the eye when they are older and say I've done all I can.

Go for it man :)


Slim

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I'm no way trained in Family court matters so don't take my ramblings as gospel but I've been through the Court mill and learned so much along the way I just like passing my experience on to other Dads who face this absolute nightmare from hell, you might not be able to beat the system but don't let it beat you :)

No contact for a year 5 years 2 months ago #46979

Thanks mate.
You say stop payments will that not cause huge trouble with the csa or what ever they want to be called right now?
I have had family friends say to me if I stop paying for what ever reason it would draw her out as she wants the money.
I have paid with no question to the amount the csa set although again with this amount how the hell do I then have money for solicitors and court fees . The whole system seems to be aimed in favour of the mothers how ever selfish to their kids and us they are being.

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No contact for a year 5 years 2 months ago #46991

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My advice would be not to stop payments, otherwise you will accrue arrears, as its an agreement through the CSA. It won't draw her out, although when cases are moved over to the new system they will be closed and parents encouraged to make their own arrangements to pay. As long as you have paid regularly they can't make you go on the new collect and pay system. At this point you may be able to get contact details.

I'm afraid the system does seem to be biased towards the mother, it's flawed but its all we've got to work with at the moment.

You can self represent and you could see if you can get an exemption from the court fees by submitting form EX160a.

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Mum and Grandmother, supporting my son who has residency of his son.
I want to see a much fairer system in place, where Dads and their children have a voice that can be heard.
There are many groups of people that have equal rights within our society and its about time Dads were given equal rights too.

No contact for a year 5 years 2 months ago #47033

Ooops sorry mate I miss read didn't realise you were paying through the CSA

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I'm no way trained in Family court matters so don't take my ramblings as gospel but I've been through the Court mill and learned so much along the way I just like passing my experience on to other Dads who face this absolute nightmare from hell, you might not be able to beat the system but don't let it beat you :)
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