TOPIC: HELLO EVERYONE - IN TURMOIL

HELLO EVERYONE - IN TURMOIL 3 years 11 months ago #68948

Thanks guys, i really appreciate the support.
Im doing ok, and have been quite good over the last couple of days, but right now feeling a bit low..
Im overthinking things, like, i remember twice she said in an argument that ive got a small *****, lol, i know its immature, but thats hit me, im 6 and half with 6 girth.
She said i'll be alone forever and that nobody else will have me, mocked what i wore, how fast i eat..tried to mock the relationship between me and my mum, and tried to come between me and her. Tried to get me beaten up because i rightly called the social services on her and how she was with her 9 yr old in the beginning.
Left me concussed one time when she thumped down on the center of my head with a zippo lighter in her hand, leaving me concussed for a week. Came at me with a knife..
Drove my only sort of friend away, he was someone i met towards the end of me and her being together, deleted contacts off of my phone, threatened ex girlfriends ive had on facebook, and one of them was a gf from 8 years ago, and we hardly dated.
Im just feeling worthless, like shes right, its pointless me going forward and trying to be happy..
Whats the point, if what she says is all not true, why say it?
Why stay with me, why did she keep trying to get me back, why have a baby with me?????

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HELLO EVERYONE - IN TURMOIL 3 years 11 months ago #68951

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...really she sounds like an awful person and all of her taunts are used to rob you of your confidence and are a form of control....don't let her continue to control you in this way now you are free of her. People like her will say anything to gain control, it doesn't mean it's true and if you think about it, she found you attractive otherwise she wouldn't have been in a relationship with you to begin with!

Another form of control is to isolate you from any friends and family, but she can't do that anymore either and you will make new friends as her power over you diminishes....don't let her control you anymore and don't give her nastiness any substance by believing what she said. People like her feed off others misery, don't allow it.

All of the things you talk about are over and she can't do anything to you anymore, let go of the past and concentrate on your future and on getting yourself back on your feet.

You've said you are feeling ok and have been quite good over the last couple of days, this is great and soon you'll find that the times that you are feeling low, like last night, will get less and less.

Your life has purpose, you deserve to live a good life and find happiness again and you will, believe me you will! Your son needs you to be strong, he needs you to be in his life. I have children, all grown up now, but they are a source of strength and pride and deep love. Children are a gift and one that you will treasure always....once you get back on your feet you will realise just how important you are.

It's good that you can talk about your feelings, it will help and we are here to listen and to support you as much as we can. :)

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Mum and Grandmother, supporting my son who has residency of his son.
I want to see a much fairer system in place, where Dads and their children have a voice that can be heard.
There are many groups of people that have equal rights within our society and its about time Dads were given equal rights too.
Last Edit: by Nannyjane.

HELLO EVERYONE - IN TURMOIL 3 years 11 months ago #68962

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When she's knocked you so low, it's actually going to be a bigger boost to you when you start getting your life back without her doing so, so even small compliments are going to have a bigger effect on you because of this. The gym is a good place to start. Living well is the best revenge.

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HELLO EVERYONE - IN TURMOIL 3 years 11 months ago #68977

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...how are you feeling today Stamina? :)
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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

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HELLO EVERYONE - IN TURMOIL 3 years 11 months ago #68985

Keep going my friend- when you are half way through hell, keep going.

I have had 8 months of despicable allegations, accusations, and damn lies. All came good in the end. CAFCASS were fantastic; however, I didn't get to see my baby daughter for 60 days. Now I get to see her for 2 hours a week, and next year I will get to have her overnight.

I decided that I needed to be a positive influence in my baby's life- try to focus on that. From what you have described about your ex, your children will need the support of a positive role model too.

My thoughts are don't retaliate. My ex was purposefully winding me up to provoke a response. Once they get a rise from you its game over. Seriously. CAFCASS will be on your side so long as you are truthful and take the high ground. Believe me, the more aggressive you are the more out of control the other person looks.

I found exercise a great way out- I took up running and it really helped me. I said to myself I need to stay fit and healthy so I can remain in my child's life as long as possible. Believe me I had some very dark times when I thought I am never going to see my baby again. I did, and the courts worked in my favour.

Stay strong.

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HELLO EVERYONE - IN TURMOIL 3 years 11 months ago #69041

Morning,
.
She has said ll of these things, not becuase they are true, but becuase she wants to hurt and control you, you have left her so she has lost the hold over you she once had, so now the only way to punish you is to be hateful.
.
As actd has said you are very low at the moment, so when things start to improve and they will, you will start to feel better about everything, you will be able to brush off anything she says to you as you will kow its just her trying to hurt you.
.
What contact do you have with her at the moment, as whilst your feeling so low, it could be worth blocking all contact with her.
.
GTTS
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HELLO EVERYONE - IN TURMOIL 3 years 11 months ago #69062

All of you have been ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC, i cant thank you all enough.
Truly, thankyou.
I have bookmarked this page and continue to use it sporadically to galvanize myself when in a state.
Im still in the gym, feeling ok today.
To the person that asked if i have contact with the ex, she hasnt had my number in 6 weeks, and i last rang her two weeks ago from a withheld number.
Talking to her gets me more frustrated about the situation, i had to make that mistake quite a few times before realizing that the damage outweighed the ringing.
Im eating well, getting counseling, exercising etc.
70% of the time im ok, and really, that ok feeling isnt great, its still on my mind, but its me coping. So that 70% is almost like a cloud 9 when i think about how bad i was when i left at the beginning.
The other 30%, i can get pretty low and physiologically, i feel it. I almost zone out, i described it as a 'daze' and thats what it is!

I am in hell, but i'll keep going.

Life isnt fair, but then, i knew this anyway, what else is new.

Thats my way of trying to trivialize the issue so as to cope, because if i dwell on the nuances of it all, i'll sink deeper into depression.

Success is a good form of revenge, and i plan on implementing that. Maybe its wishful thinking, but im gonna go forward, its just, and i cant emphasize this enough.....its REALLY slow going....
But im better than i was at the beginning, when i left.

Again, just talking to people that have been through similar/exact same things, really bolsters me.

Have a great evening people.

ps - I'll probably be back when its going to court, i'll keep you all posted, if thats ok?
Also, i plan on learning from some of this in order to help other men that are going through this exact type of problem and any man or woman that experiences Parental Alienation and or control/abuse. Because, its messed up, and you lot have helped me. No, you REALLY have, so pat yourselves on the back, because i want you to!

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Last Edit: by stamina9008.

HELLO EVERYONE - IN TURMOIL 3 years 11 months ago #69065

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A great post to read. Well done and yes, please do keep posting and keep us updated.....Take care

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I have several years experience supporting parents in family proceedings as a McKenzie Friend. I am, however, not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

HELLO EVERYONE - IN TURMOIL 3 years 11 months ago #69094

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Instead of withholding your number, you could get yourself a cheap pay as you go mobile to use just for talking to her - you can turn it off when you don't want to talk to her, but you can leave it switched on so she can ring you when you are ready for it.

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HELLO EVERYONE - IN TURMOIL 3 years 9 months ago #70318

Hi guys, just an update.
Havent seen my son in over 7 weeks now, feeling awful.
Im doing all the things that should help me feel better, counselling, antidepressant, gym and eating good but...
My mum seems reluctant to look after him now, after my ex went round my mums and started sounding off.
My legal aid to court was rejected because they said that all the other measures, mediation etc before court have not been exhausted, my solicitor is appealing it and said he will sort it.
Im missing all the things he'll be doing, smiles etc etc
I just think she trying to kill me.
I cant go back to her.
But if i contact her now, she'll just say i cant see him cos i havent given her any money and she'll say no to hurt me.
Guys, i think im better off dead

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HELLO EVERYONE - IN TURMOIL 3 years 9 months ago #70319

Hi buddy hang on in there I read your post when I first joined and I have to say you was making really positive steps in improving yourself. I too have a little one he is 10 weeks old and I'm going through court to get DNA test done and it's soul destroying, o haven't seen my little one in 6 weeks myself and neither do I have contact with the mother.

I totally understand where you are coming from, that sometimes you wish you wasn't having to
Deal with it but I keep telling myself this will make me stronger and a better man for my son. It's terrible knowing Christmas is just around the corner too..... Have you tried mediation with the child's mother ?
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HELLO EVERYONE - IN TURMOIL 3 years 9 months ago #70323

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Hi

Hang on in there, it might not feel like it right now but you are doing everything you can to move this forward and your solicitor sounds decent too. A lot of our Dads have been exactly where you are right now and it DOES get easier, only time and chipping away at it all will improve where you are at.

Keep posting and we are all here for you if you need to talk. Always feel free to pm any of the moderators or members who you think you might be able to talk to. I'm going to send you a pm as well.

If you're happy to, there is always the Samaritans if you don't want to talk to one of us.

Take care of yourself
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DAD.info Moderator

I have several years experience supporting parents in family proceedings as a McKenzie Friend. I am, however, not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.