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What a day! 3 years 9 months ago #69179

  • Lewy77
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Hi all

Well today finally came and i got to see my little boy after 20 months, my ex dropped him off at her sisters and i went round there to see him and what a shock i got, i could not believe how much he had grown and how grown up he looked considering he is only 3 years old but lets just say he is going to be a big lad when he is older, i am 6'4 and i can assure you he will tower over me haha. I was stunned at first because i was so shocked at the change, he was very quiet but apparently he is anyway but he was comfortable with me straight from the start, sat by me and wanted to play on my phone then the big amazement was that he came to the shop with just me, my exes sister was shocked and said it shows that he was fine with me, i struggled a bit as to understand with some bits he was saying but i will get there in the end but today could not of gone better because i was so worried that he would not come near me and at the end when it was time to go he didnt kiss or cuddle me but i cant expect too much too soon i am just thankful he was ok with me.

From today my life has changed for the better, i am solely concentrating on my relationship with my little boy and making sure his needs and happiness comes first and that it will just be daddy and son time together as i am putting my love life out now as it is fair to say that i have had a couple of disasters so i am now giving up plus i can never love anyone like i do my latest ex girlfriend.

I am very lucky that my boys mum has given me a chance to rebuild my relationship with my son and that i will be the very best dad i can be to my little boy despite the distance between us both, i just wanted to share my feelings of today and that seeing my son after so long has made me realise how lucky i am to be given a chance to be his dad again

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What a day! 3 years 9 months ago #69188

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This is great to read, after all the struggles you've had, finally something good to focus on....I think I agree with you, put your energies into building up your relationship with your son and I reckon that positive things will begin to flow from that.

By building your relationship with your son, your self esteem and confidence will grow too and you may find yourself in a much better position to think about giving your love life another go too!
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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

What a day! 3 years 9 months ago #69196

That's excellent news about seeing your son I'm over the moon for you :)

Concentrate on him now that's all that matters for the time being as once them moments are gone they're gone you've got plenty of time for relationships ect.

Glad you're about again mate, text me as I've swapped phones and never saved your number :)
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I'm no way trained in Family court matters so don't take my ramblings as gospel but I've been through the Court mill and learned so much along the way I just like passing my experience on to other Dads who face this absolute nightmare from hell, you might not be able to beat the system but don't let it beat you :)

What a day! 3 years 8 months ago #69201

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Hey Mojo

That is exactly what i am doing now is concentrating on my little boy and having as much time with him as i possibly can but i am not sure if the bridges can be rebuilt between me and his mum though, i hope in time they can be but at the moment things are a little frosty which i guess can be expected , i am just feeling a little impatient though after seeing my little boy yesterday as i am desperate to have him overnight but i know myself that i have to build up that trust and bond with my son again and also his mum has to be completely sure he will be ok with me after not being around for so long which i understand but yeah he is my number one priority but with regards to future relationships i am not sure about as like i said my feelings were so strong for my recent ex, we even planned on marriage next year and marriage was never something i thought about but who knows, maybe 6 months down the line she will hear about the changes i have made in becoming a better person all round, obviously there is more to this but rather not put it on here but she will always be my first and only true love.


Slim it was an amazing time yesterday but at the same time i am so angry at myself for missing out at 20 months of his life but that was because i had demons inside of me and mental issues that needed sorting because really i kept telling myself that its not me with the problem it is everyone else only for that in the last 2 months i learnt that it was actually me that was the problem, i do not have any shame in admitting these issues at all in fact i am proud to be able to hold my hands up and say 'yeah i am the one who was screwed up' but now i have done something about it and feel so much better for it, i am even hoping to join my mates gym, i am going over to train for a week as i have disc issues in my neck again and if i can train with no massive issues then i will join up which i will look forward to as i do miss going to the gym, all i need to do is sort my diet plan out, i am just hoping that Jam Tarts are included haha.

The distance is not ideal but i hope that when his mum allows me to have overnight stays then every two weeks will be the plan, would be great for every week but just cant afford the fuel costs unfortunately but the way i have to look at it is that every two weeks is better than every three or once a month.

His mum has replied today and that i am seeing him again next Saturday which i so look forward to, i have bought him a radio controlled car and a couple of lorries as he loves his cars etc, ihave even bought him a new car seat for when i can take him out............a bloody Recaro one with built in speakers for an mp3 player haha but he is worth every penny plus i want him to be comfy for when i travel with him in the car, once i have your number Slim i will send you some pictures from yesterday but he is virtually my twin so yeah he is absolutely stunning :D

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What a day! 3 years 8 months ago #69303

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So glad that went well, and even the tone of your post is so positive. Sounds like your ex is being helpful, so worth working on that also to have good cooperation regarding your son :)

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What a day! 3 years 8 months ago #69325

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Hey actd

Yeah it went amazing, was just stunned at his size and how he has changed, he was 3 this month but looks 5 or 6 but i dont think he will get picked on when he is older haha.

I am definitely feeling more positive but i am having times where i am emotional as i am still thinking about my recent ex, just hard as i really do want her back and i am just so angry with myself too as i was not there at times for her when i should of been and that i regret so much but like i said hopefully down the line she may get in touch, my honest thought is she wont though because of a reason i would rather not put on here but she was the one for me, the love of my life and i would of loved her to be with me during these good times now i have my little boy back in my life but i have been doing the no contact rule but it is so tempting to message her, i wonder if she thinks about me as well or hope that i will get a message from her, i hope that is just normal emotions though i am going through but i would love her and the kids to be back in my life so i can make amends for my ignorance while we were together.

On a good note though i have been told that a couple more visits to see my son then she will let me have him for overnight stays, so cant wait for that because that will be bonding time for me and him and to take him out here and there being together so i am counting the time down but i am back up to see him Saturday so only 2 days to go.

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What a day! 3 years 8 months ago #69327

Hi mate,
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It's so good to hear this and thank you for sharing with everyone.
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Things are on the up for you and you are much stronger than when we spoke this time last year.
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from the pictures you sent me of your lad, I'd get him signed up for rugby he'd scare the other kids with his size Lol, He's like a mini image of you, I'd say hang off on getting him inked up though don't think that would go down too well haha
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GTTS
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Last Edit: by got-the-tshirt.

What a day! 3 years 8 months ago #69342

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Hey mate

I must admit i do feel a lot stronger than this time last year, obviously i do have my moments but now i just let it all out and have a good cry about things, do not care what people think of that and i am not ashamed to say it but many occasions i have just let it all out, i think before i just bottled it all up and did not know how to let it out but now i know what to do.

I have sent a letter to my recent ex so the no contact rule has broke, just felt like i needed to tell her that i am making changes for the better and to improve the person i am and admitted that i was the one who was in denial about my issues but now i am dealing with them, got my little boy back in my life, joining my mates gym next week, on medication and most importantly is that i am talking and if need to crying as well, i just have my fingers crossed she reads the letter and thinks ok he has made progress and is making changes for the better so maybe another chance could be worth it but i do not think it will happen as i had no response from the last letter, just very hard letting go of someone who was your true love and she was mine but i made mistakes and i pushed her away not knowing what was happening.

Lol he scares me with his size mate, i just could not believe that i was looking at a 3 years old and yeah i know everyone says how much we are alike but i am definitely holding off on getting him inked as that will certainly not go down well at all lol. So looking forward to seeing him again Saturday though and really cant wait to have overnight stays but apparently his mum told my mum that he has quite a bad temper on him when he flips........really don't know where he gets that from though lol, knowing my luck he will have a meltdown in Tescos on purpose just to embarrass me the little sod haha.

Hope things are ok with you mate, will throw you a message over the weekend and will get my ass down to see you as well now i am getting myself sorted because work is going well, doing long hours but i am a acting Team Leader when one of the others are off sick or holiday so promotion is looking good at work and i know a Team Leader role is coming up soon so will go for that and see what happens.
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What a day! 3 years 8 months ago #69449

Hi Mate,
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It's great reading what you write, much more positive.
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I bet when your lad flips he really goes for it, you can see in his eyes, he has a look of.........yeah give it a go if you can face the fallout Lol
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GTTS
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What a day! 3 years 8 months ago #69492

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Hey mate

Yeah apparently he really lets go but i have no idea who he gets that from lol, he will be beating me up soon though i think so i better do as he says haha. I am just counting the days down until a week Saturday when i get to have him for the day, fingers crossed he is ok getting in the car with me but i have a plan though, got him a new toy to play with at daddy's house so wait and see but i will not force the issue if he is not happy coming with me even though it will be hard for me dealing with the feelings inside.

Anyway my recent letter to my ex has come to no avail, i know i may sound like an idiot but i just cannot let her go, just wish she would at least meet up with me and talk and see that i am making changes and becoming a much better person but again who knows what could happen down the line, i did say in my letter that i would send some money to the kids for Christmas and i did not get a reply saying not to so maybe that could be a good sign or maybe i am just getting my hopes up, i wish her and the kids were still with me sharing the change in my life together and with me having my little boy back, if only i could turn back time and make amends but i guess everyone has that same feeling don't they, i just know that she was the one and without her then it will be just me and my boy because it was true love for me and i wanted to make her my wife and be a family but i am so angry at myself because i screwed it up and pushed her away without realising what i was doing, she is all i think about day and night and it scares me that seeing her with another man will destroy me and it will knock me back into that bad place i was in...........god i am sorry for going on about the situation so much.

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What a day! 3 years 8 months ago #69505

Hi Mate,
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Don't worry about talking, it's how you feel and whlst you feel this way it will remain to be all you can think about, if your ex doesn't respond then, I would send money for her children as you said you will, if you still don't get any thing from her, I think you know how she feels.
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I meant to say in respect to your post (the one before last) you say about crying and not being ashamed to admit that you do, there is no shame in crying and being emotional, it's human to be that way, as you know from the past, the issues come when you don't allow your feelings to show and hold everything in.
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GTTS

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