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TOPIC: Holidays

Holidays 3 years 11 months ago #70492

  • rrdaddy
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Hi Guys

Ive booked a holiday for me and my 5 year old son to Disneyland florida next year and my ex wife has hit the roof and point blank refused to grant me permission to take my son out of the country. This is despite her seeking my permission for her to go on a foreign holiday in a few months!. We divorced 3 years ago amicably with no court orders or arrangements for the children other than those on the divorce paper. it was also written on the divorce papers we have joint parental responsibility. it was also stated on the divorce papers that the kids will live with her on a day to day basis with regular weekly contact with me, does this count as her having a residency order? Things have been amicable between us for the last 3 years and now things are terrible, im wondering/thinking if it is worth going to court for joint custody and would this entitle me to equal rights over my children? im really stumped on what to do next, any advice would be gratefully received

Thanks
Rob

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Holidays 3 years 11 months ago #70503

  • actd
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Hi Rob

I would say that you need to apply for a specific issue order to be able to take your son on holiday - with your ex's reaction, I wouldn't trust her to relent as she might then change her mind close to the holiday when it's too late to do anything. I would also have it written into the order that she hands the passport over to you 8 weeks in advance - that way there's plenty of time to act if she "loses" the passport or otherwise refuses to hand it over.

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Holidays 3 years 11 months ago #70509

Did you discuss with you're ex about wanting to take your children abroad before you booked it?

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Holidays 3 years 11 months ago #70511

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BooBoo2010 wrote: Did you discuss with you're ex about wanting to take your children abroad before you booked it?


Good point :), though since he's presumably given permission for the mother, it wouldn't be unreasonable to assume it would be reciprocated, but I fully accept your point Booboo

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Last Edit: by actd.

Holidays 3 years 11 months ago #70512

  • Mojo
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Hi there

Without any residence orders in place you and your ex must obtain the permission of the other parent to take your child out of the country. In this situation you do have a bargaining tool inasmuch as you could say to her that if she is refusing you permission to take your child away, that you will rescind the permission you have given to allow her to do the same.

Obviously it isn't in anyone's best interests as the child in the middle of it all will be denied holidays with either parent, but it may make her think twice about what she is doing. Perhaps this could be done more effectively in mediation.

Put it to to her that it is unacceptable for there to be double standards with regard to co parenting and quality time with your child is something that is important to you both. Make her aware of the rules governing taking a child abroad without the other parents permission, but also make her aware that it would be in everyone's best interests to reach agreement about this, offer her mediation to assist in discussing this and developing a comprehensive parenting plan that sets out agreements on all aspects of co parenting so that a situation like this doesn't arise in the future.

You'll find a sticky at the top of the legal eagle section with a link to the CAFCASS parenting plan with a template that you can print off and use, whether you decide to use mediation or try and get agreement between yourselves.

Best of luck with it.

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Last Edit: by Mojo.

Holidays 3 years 11 months ago #70520

  • rrdaddy
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Thanks for all the info guys, it currently stands that I have denied her my permission to take our son abroad as she will not grant me permission to do so, this may sound a little "tit for tat" but I find it unacceptable that she wishes to have her week in the sun with our son and I am not. yes I did book the holiday before asking permission as I honestly believed there would be no problem on this. After reading what you've all said I guess mediation is the 1st step? and then obviously court after that if no agreement can be made at mediation. im guessing if we do come to an agreement I will need this in some form of legal writing incase she changes her mind last minute? is there a specific document it needs to be? and also what do you think my chances of success in court will be? I see it as that if shes happy for me to holiday in Europe or the uk for the week and that my son stays with me overnight on a weekly basis that there will be no concerns over safety etc?

Many thanks

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Holidays 3 years 11 months ago #70533

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anything you agree between yourselves is not legally binding. If she agrees, you can draw something up between you and include a timescale for handing over the passport that allows you to take legal action if she refuses.

Good luck

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DAD.info Moderator

I have several years experience supporting parents in family proceedings as a McKenzie Friend. I am, however, not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

Holidays 3 years 11 months ago #70536

Never assume, never presume. Just because you allowed her to take the kids on holiday, you then went ahead and booked something without asking her. If the boot was on the other foot how would you feel? I suggest you use the fact that you allowed her to take the kids abroad last time, if she does not agree, try mediation. If she does not agree, suggest going to court and get it legally binding. Good luck.

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Holidays 3 years 11 months ago #70538

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I see your point booboo but this is often an issue of double standards and I see where rr is coming from. If the mother has booked her holiday and he has given permission, why should she refuse? It might be naive to proceed and spend money without prior discussion but it has to work both ways.

Good luck rr, let us know how you get on.....

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DAD.info Moderator

I have several years experience supporting parents in family proceedings as a McKenzie Friend. I am, however, not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

Holidays 3 years 11 months ago #70542

  • Nannyjane
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I think the crux of it here is that she afforded you the respect of asking your permission before booking, whereas you went ahead and booked first. It's a small point, but I can see how she might have gotten annoyed about it....however her reaction was OTT and if this is the problem then she should just have let you know how she felt and asked you to run it past her first in future.

Perhaps you could think about apologising to her for this and trying to build bridges in this way, I only say this because you said that your relationship has been amicable for the past three years since your divorce and it would be such a pity to spoil this because of something so small.

Court should always be the very last resort and if you can possibly get your cooperation back on track that would be the best for everyone....court causes rifts and puts a huge strain on separated parents, which makes co parenting so much harder and can have a negative impact on your child.

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Mum and Grandmother, supporting my son who has residency of his son.
I want to see a much fairer system in place, where Dads and their children have a voice that can be heard.
There are many groups of people that have equal rights within our society and its about time Dads were given equal rights too.
Last Edit: by Mojo.

Holidays 3 years 11 months ago #70543

Ive just gone to court and got permission but it was a lot of stress and hassle, my ex and her new partner paid a barrister to stop my daughter going on holiday with me.

If i were you i would give her permission to have her holiday so as you are not looking spiteful.

Then ask her for permission in writing is she doesn't give you the go ahead then get the C100 in, probably best not to say you have booked the holiday.

She will look spiteful and as if she is using your kid as a weapon in front of a judge.

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Last Edit: by simonses.

Holidays 3 years 11 months ago #70549

I absolutely agree with Nanny Jane, I could not have put it better myself. From past experience my ex has taken me to court to get his way over everything even though I have always suggested mediation and asking for communication to improve. Instead he has left me financially broken, which has impacted greatly on our children.

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