I am 7 months separated from my wife, waiting to start divorce proceedings in September. We have a 3 year old daughter and she is constantly be used as leverage in my ex's demands.
We share custody 50/50, I agreed to pay her 200 pounds a month after she called the csa and lied about how much I had my daughter. The csa told me I had to provide them with a court order to prove I have her 50% of the time but she didnt have to do the same!!
She is now trying to reduce the time I have with my daughter so she can get more money and there seems to be little I can do to stop her. Its clear that the marriage was pre-meditated to set herself up in the UK (she is a Swedish national).
I guess I just need some tips or advise as to the best course of action to settle this and not lose out on seeing my daughter. It seems like the csa are not interested. Can I get anything done legally if we have been married less than a year??
How can I make a sucsessful appeal to the child benefit office to have it changed into my name in stead of hers?? Apparently to claim csa you need to be the recipient of this.
I feel completely helpless right now and completely at her mercy and unfortunately she is taking full advantage of this.
I think you would struggle to get the child support transfered to you as they would need confirmation that your daughter lives with you for the majority which she doesn't, the system isn't always fair and does have it's flaws and what you are going through is one of them.
You would need to firstly attend mediation in order to try and resolve the issues with your ex reducing the time you have to increase the CSA she gets paid, if your ex won't attend mediation or you can't work things our then you could apply to the family courts for help, it isn't a quick proccess but would give you the contact order to show the CSA and also a set schedule of when you see your daughter.
I always knew these loopholes exists and the mother would abuse it. Like they say money is the root of all evils and it clearly shows this in your ex's approach.
I am sorry to say Tweety but shes done a smart one over you and has you by the nuts as she now can dictate and control you. Like you said ... Its clear that the marriage was pre-meditated to set herself up in the UK (she is a Swedish national). ... Once a child is born .... it changes everything and once seperated it creates a bigger problem.
However .... In he positive light there is hope! The best way I would say is to take her via the legal route as it will likely end with a court order and if you can prove somehow that you had 50/50 the court will see that there is contact present.
So like GTTS says you wll need to go through mediation as first point and then if that does not work ..... you will go through court to get a court order in place which will help you in the long run.
These evil people just want to control you and that will not be the case via a court order. She will have to obey the rules of this country and if she chooses not to then there are other routes that can be taken.
i had a very similar case, my ex was foreign, didnt have a uk passport, got married (long story), my son was born and then she developed pound signs in her eyes
called cops and she took my son and made false allegations of DV.
it took my 9 months in total to get contact with my son, 4 months of which i didnt see him at all, 2.5 months in a contact centre at £40 an hr
in the end now i have frid/sat sund every week till he goes to nursery next year
With regards to CMS, they are a sham
ive been fighting 10 months now to get my payments adjusted to the correct amount, and it took me a written complaint, dozens of calls, now they have accepted the 4 variation applications and have also accepted than i am in credit (over paid by nearly £1500) and they said i dont need to pay anything till the calculations are done. (that came as a shock to the ex lmao!!)
With regards to shared care, my ex was evil and would no way accept or confirm that i had shared care in the form of overnight stay as it would affect her payments. luckily for me the rules and guidelines state that in such a case where there is a dispute then they accept the court order as proof. Also i sent in the receipts for the contact centre payments aswell as proof.
so if shes not co-operating, then i would do mediation first and get it in writing and failing that go to court, get any contact arrangement including overnight stay in writing on court order and submit that to the CSA, then she cant win.
Never give up though mate, there is light at the end of the tunnel. The law of the county is that you must pay for your child and as long as we know the money is being spent on the child then we dont mind paying.
Even if there is 50/50 care, the CMS rules state there need to be at least 172 overnight stays a year to be classed as equal care whereby i think you wouldnt pay anything. But the parent getting child benefit is always classes as the resident parent hence could be entitled to maintenance.