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TOPIC: How to 'survive' Xmas without your children.

How to 'survive' Xmas without your children. 2 years 11 months ago #80389

Hi folks. Some of you will remember me, the destroyed father, newer ones won't. Just wanted to share a few things that will maybe help you survive Xmas. This is my 3rd festive season without my wee boy. I have been to hell and back but after 8 court appearances I have a final order and my son comes to see me every new year for a week and everything is defined. As good as it's going to get and I have to get on with it.

Thinking back to the last two festive seasons brings me out in a sweat, the depths I plummeted to where I considered ending my life such was the level of pain me and my son endured. No matter how low you are, ,be minded that it can improve. The legacy of that depression was that if even 1 father can get even a 1% improvement in mood at this time of year I hope they can.

Although I never knew at the time, the following helped me a tiny bit.

1) talk to family and friends even if it is to cry as I did for hours on end. This release will maybe shrink the pain a tiny bit even if it's on,y for 5 mins. 5 mins of sanity is better than none.

2). Do not become a recluse. I sat in for hours on end resisting friends and family requests to go out for any reason. These reclusive periods had me lower than a snakes belly, often crying for hours into my pillow not getting out of bed for days on end. Even if it takes every effort of your being, get out the house, walk for miles if you hav e no choice but to be alone, even if its destination unknown. It won't be good but it won't be as bad as being alone, cabin fevered in your own house.

3) accept an invitation to a social gathering, resist the temptation to get blitzed, have maybe two pints though, it's not against the law for you to let your hair down. Getting blitzed, the post bevvy hangover will be crippled with anxiety and the tears will flow ten fold, it's not worth it.

4) cry when you have to. Call Samaritans, breathing space or that type of place for support. I did it on countless occasions when it got to much and it really helped.

I hope this doesn't come over as naive as I am well aware that my situation is better now and have experienced such a low that even getting out of bed was impossible and the above is not easy but you have got to try and force it.

i just wanted to pass on what helped me in the vain hope it might even help 1 lad. I think what's key is that in doing some things it's only retrospectively, some 3 years down the line, even though the above felt like they did nothing at the time, in reality, they saved my life.

Thank you.
The following user(s) said Thank You: B Es Dad

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How to 'survive' Xmas without your children. 2 years 11 months ago #80395

Brilliant advice there mate absolutely spot on :)

What was the outcome in the final hearing? What did they order for contact?

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I'm no way trained in Family court matters so don't take my ramblings as gospel but I've been through the Court mill and learned so much along the way I just like passing my experience on to other Dads who face this absolute nightmare from hell, you might not be able to beat the system but don't let it beat you :)

How to 'survive' Xmas without your children. 2 years 11 months ago #80401

Hi again slim

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How to 'survive' Xmas without your children. 2 years 10 months ago #80540

I dont under stand it's the normal to have alternate xmases and bday just fill out c100 ?

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How to 'survive' Xmas without your children. 2 years 10 months ago #80582

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It depends on circumstances and what the court orders.

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How to 'survive' Xmas without your children. 2 years 10 months ago #80584

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Danbruno1105 wrote: I dont under stand it's the normal to have alternate xmases and bday just fill out c100 ?


How we all wish it were that simple!

There isn't a set amount, it's just that it's generally a fall back position for judges, but they are free to order whatever schedule they deem fit... unfortunately there are some very weak/gender biased judges who will allow an obstructive, unreasonable ex to call the shots and court cases can be allowed to dwindle on for years.

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

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