My son attended court today (DRA hearing). They have scheduled another hearing for 3 months time.
I would like to ask a question about indirect contact. Whilst in court my son advised that he has been sending card and gifts for since October 2017, and in the Section 7 report it recommended "Indirect Contact". However both the CAFCASS officer and his EX both have said that my grandson has been receiving the gifts and cards, however he is not told who they are from? The CAFCASS officer said in court, that it is not in the best interest of the child to know who the gifts and cards are from, as my son has never admitted to be aggressive and she feels that it will confuse the child if he is told who the cards are from and then in the long term he never gets to have contact with his father, unless he admits to his past allegations. I thought the WHOLE point on indirect contact was to have a form of CONTACT and in the future move forward to actual face to face contact.
My son in court today again told the Judge that he is more than willing to accept the allegations and move forward, to attend the CAFCASS courses. He is willing to do anything to regain contact and see his son again.
I am so furious, that this CAFCASS women kept repeating that if my son doesnt change, he wont see his son, so why start building something thats not going to happen.... (not exact words but thats what she was putting across).
the judge also asked "is the property safe for the child" as in the report it says he burnt his finger on my woodburner (which he did).. The CAFCASS officer said she found the property to be safe... when she never looked around my house when she visited, stating she doesnt need to see my home as not a house visit, so she lied to the judge completely.
So guys... await the next report and see what CAFCASS suggest next. But this women really did speak up for his EX, my son said she should have been her solictor as she was really on the side of his EX and definately not on the side of his SON or MINE>
I agree, I think the point of indirect contact has been missed completely!
I've just spent the last hour or so looking for a definitive legal definition of indirect contact, or case law to argue this matter... haven't found any as yet, but the general theme is that it's some form of contact, which by its nature would entail the child's awareness of that. I'll keep looking.
My son sent an email to CAFCASS (after numerous attempts to call and leaving messages). Asking for help and support, admitting he may have been wrong in the past, he is a very young dad and may have made the wrong decisions, that he accepts that now. How much he misses his son and would really like help and support to move forward. He asked for help and suggestions for courses which he would like to undertake to move forward. etc etc.
Gets a 1 line text back from his CAFCASS Officer. ... I have received your email and there no courses suitable for you.
I am lost for words and do not know where to turn now.
That’s just awful... I’m so sorry to hear this. I think your son might benefit from talking to someone, he’s a victim in all this, even if the court didn’t believe that. Here’s a link to Mankind Initiative, they have a helpline and may be able to support him.
I'm so sorry Nannykit... might it help you and your son to start a keepsake box for your grandson, use it for cards, little gifts and photos of family. Even if he can't have it now, there may come a day when you're reunited and having something tangible, to show him that he was never out of your thoughts, might help him... and you too.
I send a card to his other nan address once a month through MoonPig, Which I know never get passed on, but doing this way it keeps a record of every card and the message, so that ONE DAY I can show him my Moonpig account and all the cards I and his Dad sent over the years.
Ah that's lovely... you never know, time is a healer and the other Nan might decide to do the right thing.
After the hell my sons ex put us through, my sons fight to get custody of my grandson, her disgusting treatment of my grandson, the neglect, all the heartache... eight years on we are now on fairly friendly terms with her. She's still not the greatest Mum, but they have contact and I make sure she gets regular photos, and cards and gifts from him, for her birthday and Christmas. We do it for him not her , so perhaps his other Nan might come to that realisation when the dust has settled.
The other Nan did open a facebook account with pictures on my grandson and sent me the link. However, this was closed down after the last court hearing when my son mentioned he had seen a gift being used by his son, and asked the EX if she told him it was from his dad. She went straight to her mum and closed the account... so other nan is not against us or my son, just has no real say when it comes to her daughter, as she has always been a nightmare (her words not mine).