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TOPIC: Uneasy about relationships following hellish divorce

Uneasy about relationships following hellish divorce 2 weeks 5 days ago #95909

  • Spaz
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Evening all, newly registered but I've been lurking for over a year, using the fantastic resources on this site to help me navigate through an awful divorce.

It's not done with yet by any means, but its been over a year since I left her. My issue is that I've been asked out by a lady I know (who is attractive, intelligent and has a lot going for her). Unfortunately I simply don't have any fire in my belly when it comes to romance. I've had two (fairly short) relationships since I left my wife and neither of them worked out because of the crap going in with my divorce; namely the battle I've had to become part of my children's lives again and also the financial settlement (she is determined to bleed me dry). Suffice to say that my ex is an awful narcissistic excuse for a human being,

I've had depression but I'm on top of that now (I think). I have a good job, I'm financially stable, own my own home and I'm physically fit. So what is wrong with me? Has my ex destroyed me inside, making me incapable of romance? I am very shortly about to be granted over night visits from my children (I'm pushing for 50/50 shared care), so actually things are looking up for me,

Any advice?

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Uneasy about relationships following hellish divorce 2 weeks 5 days ago #95910

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Hi and welcome to the forum

I can assure you, you are not alone feeling that way & I'm sure plenty of members will have their experiences to share.

Perhaps just take it very slowly and be honest with the woman that you've been through the mill a bit and are still in the middle of things.

You might need some time on your own for a while? So many people jump into new relationships quite quickly - it works for some and not for others.

As you're still in the middle of issues relating to your kids and divorce, perhaps that's currently taking all of your emotional energies and not leaving you with much for a new relationship.

Just because you think you should feel a certain way, doesn't mean that you will.

Personally, I have taken quite a long time on my own following my last relationship and it's been the best thing I've every done. Just focused on my kids and work and trying to have some self care!

Best of luck

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I have several years experience supporting parents in family proceedings as a McKenzie Friend. I am, however, not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

Uneasy about relationships following hellish divorce 2 weeks 5 days ago #95927

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I agree with Yoda, you’re still dealing with issues of divorce and contact, so it’s understandable that your emotions are depleted.

Perhaps a happy medium would be to enjoy some social time with the lady in question, just casual, no strings attached time out with someone that is good company... there’s no reason why you can’t enjoy a social life, it doesn’t have to involve commitment of any kind. Speak to her about it, if she understands that’s great, if not then nothing lost.

There really is nothing wrong with you, you’ve prioritised your children and have been under a lot of strain, just be kind to yourself and take your time, things will improve I’m sure.

All the best

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Last Edit: by Mojo.

Uneasy about relationships following hellish divorce 2 weeks 2 days ago #95971

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Thanks guys, helped a lot.

I have declined the invitation of going for a drink with the lady in question, I don't think I'm ready.

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Uneasy about relationships following hellish divorce 2 weeks 2 days ago #95972

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Glad to have helped... I hope you and the lady in question can remain friends. Being ready is important, just concentrate on your kids and when the time is right you can think about it again.

All the best

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Uneasy about relationships following hellish divorce 1 week 6 days ago #96043

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I would say that you should go out for a coffee and a chat, explain where you are and what's going on. At the very least, that way she knows it's not her that's the problem, but it might help you just to have someone to talk to and decide whether you actually are ready for something else. If you shut yourself away, then your ex is still controlling you.

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