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TOPIC: Difficult place please help

Difficult place please help 1 month 2 weeks ago #96489

Good evening long story short I've got a 2 year old son I have every other weekend along with his brother(age 6)I agreed to take him on it felt like I was doing the right thing and been his "dad"for 3 years all together including short relationship with mother.

With my Natural son he so laid back and calm I love having him and he's a spitting image if I only have him the time feels bliss and not stressful at all,feels natural.

But with the 6 year old from a different dad it's only this last year or so I feel an emptiness and no bond,he's really loud,fussy eater,if I put my foot down he tells his mum,his mum will ask me for money or halfs towards some thing for him wich sometime I just do it to keep relationship with her good but I feel uncomfortable inside paying out for a seed that's not mine with little connection.

Greatly depressed over it any advice would be appreciated,do I just bare the brunt I sometimes imagine how easy my life would be with my Natural baby every other weekend

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Difficult place please help 1 month 2 weeks ago #96491

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Few guys I know feel same cos I spoke to them cos I felt the same on the few occasions my exs 2 kids came to mine, It felt wrong them going to my frigde and opening it and getting a drink. And when we went out I didn't want to pay.
I'm not some tight git, send friends or families kids to mine I'll feed and protect them , send me 20 orphans I'll look after them. But my girlfriends kids with another man nah send em to their dad it's his duty to feed them etc
I saw it as they should be with their dad, they are from him and her. I don't want them I'm with the mum and I'd be a mug feeding another man's kids. Invading our privacy I don't want another man's kids in my house when I'm with a woman in bed, It's bad enough having your own kids at home at those times lol they have their fathers name not mine so should be under his roof. If their father had passed away I'd probably have felt differently.
I think it's natural for men to feel this way and I was happy when her ex stopped her seeing the kids.
Very different for women well proper women anyway they bond and can bring another child up even to breastfeed another woman's child like their own.

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Difficult place please help 1 month 2 weeks ago #96492

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Her kids only came to mine a few times in the very early days of our relationship and it stopped around one month into our relationship, so never had the chance to cause me real issues, if it had gone on longer I would have told her I wasn't happy and probably would have ended up ending the relationship with her very early on and Would have saved years of hell with her but I wouldn't have my daughter I had with her.
My sisters husband on the other hand he treats my sisters kids better than his own kids but he is under my sisters thumb shes known to give him the odd smack and wringes him out of money beyond belief

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Difficult place please help 1 month 2 weeks ago #96514

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Where is the 6 year old's dad in all this, and does he pay maintenance? That's where your ex should be getting money for him from, not from you in my opinion - certainly for the time when he's not with you.

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Difficult place please help 1 month 2 weeks ago #96526

Good morning he's hasn't been involved since birth,i started a relationship with the mother when he was around 3 and took him on as things got more serious then we had are own son and 4 of us were a family for a while,when we seperated I had my Natural son every Friday night and the step son every other weekend to "make him feel included" I only pay child support for my son ,but sometimes of there a big present she ask me to go halves or given pocket money when she's flys abroad but he's not really mine ?

Maybe I'm too soft?

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Difficult place please help 1 month 2 weeks ago #96527

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That is a very tricky situation to be in and I understand why you feel the way you do

I have a male friend in the same position with his ex. They have a daughter together and she has a daughter from a previous relationship who is 2 years older. Her father isn't in the picture either so he always feels responsible to her and guilty. If it's any help, he stopped paying for extras but still treats her on birthdays and christmas and occasionally has her to stay and takes her out. When the child's father isn't in the picture, it's incredibly difficult as the child usually bonds with the step parent and doesn't understand the issues that you're raising.

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DAD.info Moderator

I have several years experience supporting parents in family proceedings as a McKenzie Friend. I am, however, not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

Difficult place please help 1 month 2 weeks ago #96542

Thank you for you response it's very difficult because when I pick my own son up he runs to the the door and the bond melts my heart every time,But my step son he always moans about staying the weekend,always wants McDonalds,always wants crisps,last weekend my Wi-Fi kept dropping so he kept rolling around crying every hour,still can't get changed,cant put his own shoes on.

Feel so irritated lol

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Last Edit: by Danbruno1105.

Difficult place please help 1 month 2 weeks ago #96565

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Perhaps your wifi could go down more often - your step son might decide he doesn't want to come as often.

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Difficult place please help 1 month 2 weeks ago #96572

Lol it's still tough she works every other weekend (new job)nobody else can look after him while she's working and I kinda feel awkward because I feel guilty if I don't take him even tho he's not my responsibility.

Suck it up I'm guess, weekend arrangements die down around age 12/13? I was home along at that age while my mum worked

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Difficult place please help 1 month 1 week ago #96630

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So she's using you as an unpaid babysitter for her son so she can work? Sounds like she needs to stop asking you for extra money at the very least.

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Difficult place please help 1 month 4 days ago #96762

This is where a mothers power is underestimated I know for a fact if I refused to take my son's brother on I would miss every single Christmas and birthday,fathers day I wouldn't be able to freely visit like i do at the moment on any given day knock walk in help myself to coffee see my son ,she would give me such a hard time.

Every other weekend isn't so bad for now have loads of time for myself,I'm just gunna go with it and have an easy life and think of the long run.

I just sleep better at night if I have no agro of the mother or it plays on your mind at work etc,sleep quality etc

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Difficult place please help 1 month 2 days ago #96810

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There's a lot to be said for being generally un-stressed :)

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