• Page:
  • 1

TOPIC: 13 year old out of control

13 year old out of control 3 days 16 hours ago #97877

Hi all, first post so please bear with me.

Back in 2017 I lost my wife to cancer, leaving me with my 3 kids. 18, 13 & 4. The 18 year old is an absolute god send and helps so much around the house even though she hasn't been asked to and the 4 year old is picking up on this and helping as well.
The problem is the 13 year old boy. Yes I know he is a teenager and has hormones but this is beyond teenage attitude.. Most of it revokes around the xbox and phone. I have always had a rule the the Internet goes off at 9pm and not back on till 8am, this is also the time for xbox as well. In the past year he has been pushing the boundaries so much so that I am at the point of walking out and leaving them. As an example, this morning he came down at 7.15am and demanded that I remove he xbox limit and when I refused to I was called every name under the sun... Including the c bomb!!! Now I am no Saint and I do swear but that is one word that I would never use.. I have no problem with them swearing (in the house) but not that word.
Iknow I am not the only one in this situation but it does make it very hard when I am dealing with it 24/7 by myself.
I want to point out that I don't have an issue with technology and I do encourage it but has to be limited. Also I am not aloowed to look at his phone and if I do ask for it that turns into another massive argument.

Anyone have any advice for what I can do to try and get things back on track?

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

13 year old out of control 3 days 8 hours ago #97879

  • Mojo
  • Mojo's Avatar
  • Offline
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 7838
  • Thank you received: 1640
Hi there

I’m really sorry to hear about the tragic loss of your wife, I can’t imagine how tough the last couple of years has been for you all. It’s lovely that your daughter has been so supportive, especially as she is dealing with her own grief.

Grief is a very private thing and we all have our own way of dealing with it, there is no right way and for some it can be a terrible struggle... it sounds like your son is still very angry about it... at 11, 12, 13, it’s likely he isn’t emotionally equipped to deal with his feelings. As parents we have a different relationship with each of our children, was he especially close to his Mum? He may see how well his sister is coping, how much she is appreciated and how the baby is getting on with things... does he feel the odd one out... maybe he feels disconnected, maybe he feels guilty too. There are so many emotions that come into play when we lose a loved one.

You mention that you’re dealing with his issues 24/7, does it seem that all you do is tell him off, are there times when you can just enjoy each other’s company?

Perhaps you could organise some 121 time with him, just the two of you...go do something like a game of bowling, a climbing wall session, or even just a kick about in the park. I think it’s important to try and break the cycle of constantly having to discipline him... it will be getting him down too. Spending some quality time together might help him open up about things and gain some perspective.

Have you had bereavement counselling as a family? Do you spend time talking about and remembering your wife?

Sorry for the all the rhetorical questions... you may feel that his issues aren’t connected to the grieving process... there’s probably an element of teenage angst in the mix too.

I would talk to the school about his behaviour at home, they could provide him with some pastoral care, someone that he can talk to in confidence about how he is feeling. If you’re struggling it might be a good idea to speak to your GP to see if there are any services that he can refer you to, such as Early Help, where you’ll be offered advice, support and direct interventions. The aim being to support families to support themselves and to prevent problems from escalating. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Here’s a link to an article about discipline that might offer a little insight...

www.dad.info/fatherhood/behaviour-discipline/discipline

All the best

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

DadTalk Moderator...

I'm not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

I may not be legally trained... but I have plenty of experience and common sense!

Last Edit: by Mojo.
  • Page:
  • 1