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TOPIC: Need some advice!

Need some advice! 8 months 3 weeks ago #97891

  • BTM0587
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Hello,
I am a father of two kids, a son who’s 11 and a daughter who’s 16 months. My son is from a previous relationship and I have had been on and off denied contact after a lengthy court battle totalling £19,000. My ex breached every single court order and got away with it each time. I didn’t see my son from age 2 until age 10 and I’m really struggling to form a bond. He was brought up being told another guy was his dad and he was getting weekend contact so every time I see my son now which is not very often, he calls me by my first name and this will infuriates me. I discipline him and then he tells his mum and contact is ceased until she sees sense. The issue I have is that I’m used to not seeing him and when I do it’s always on her terms. Because of my ex I don’t have a bond with my son and I don’t think I ever will. I go weeks without thinking about him and I rarely message him, which I hate myself for but I feel too much time hasn’t passed. I live 3.5 hours from him. Does anyone else feel like this. I always told myself I’ll be there for him but it’s getting beyond impossible

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Need some advice! 8 months 3 weeks ago #97892

  • Mojo
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Hi there

You aren’t alone in feeling like that... sometimes the struggle just becomes too much.

If the resident parent is determined and implacably hostile, with multiple gaps in contact, it’s not hard to see why things go wrong.

Maybe if you tried to stop feeling guilty you might be able to see things in a better light. From the sound of it you’ve tried hard to be there for him for a long time, you have another child that needs you too now, which could be making it even tougher.

Perhaps set a time every week to drop him a message, just to let him know you’re thinking about him... no pressure, nothing heavy, just a quick hi and a bit of a chat. If you dont expect a reply, it might be easier to deal with... just see it as a way to keep the lines open.

If you take the pressure off yourself, you might feel better about the lack of regular contact, seeing him occasionally but being alright about it might help,you enjoy your time together more.

Best of luck mate

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Last Edit: by Mojo.

Need some advice! 8 months 3 weeks ago #97911

  • actd
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one of my daughter's calls me by my first name, she started doing it in her teens partly as a joke when her friends were round, which I didn't have a problem with as she wasn't being disrespectful. Now she's older, she still calls me by my name as a joke, and it really doesn't worry me, and we're friends as well as father/daughter. My point is that I wouldn't make an issue of this point, after all it's causing stress and ending with your contact being cut, and it's far more important to have the contact than to worry about what you are being called.

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