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TOPIC: Ex is going down the legal route - what next?

Ex is going down the legal route - what next? 1 month 5 hours ago #98520

  • dlondon
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My ex says she is taking legal advice over our child's future.

There are no major issues - we disagree about money and contact - nothing at all to do with welfare or anything like that.

Now, I want and am willing to resolve things amicably - I've suggested parent plans and mediation - both flatly refused.

Would a court even entertain the idea of helping her resolve this or would they tell her to take my offer of mediation?

I don't want to rack up pointless solicitors fees that ends up in us back at what i've already proposed.

So, to maintain some control over this and to stop it getting silly what can I do?

I don't know what to do next. Should I get a solicitor and kick things off from my side or just sit back and wait to hear something?

In the grand scheme of things this is very minor compared to what some parents fight over. More than anything though I want to ensure I'm not drawn into something that quickly gets out of control and ugly.

She doesn't have much money and I'm also concerned I'll get stung paying her legal fees for something I never wanted in the first place.

Is there a way I can secure my parental rights based on what I have now? Are there some sensible "do this now" steps I should take?

Thanks everyone

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Ex is going down the legal route - what next? 1 month 4 hours ago #98526

  • Mojo
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If she tried to submit an application to the court, without it being signed off by a mediator, it’s highly unlikely they wouldn't accept it, they would tell her to attend mediation first.

You don’t need a solicitor at this point, as I mentioned on your other thread, you can contact a mediator and get the ball rolling. There will be a charge for this unless you are on benefits or a low income, if she is on benefits you will get the MIAM free, but you would need to pay for further sessions.

www.nfm.org.uk/about-family-mediation-services/what-is-a-miam/

You won’t have to pay her legal fees, if she can’t afford a solicitor she will have to self represent, ours are used to dealing with litigants in person; people without legal representation. If she doesn’t have a solicitor there’s no need for you to pay out for one either. We have many members that go to court without a lawyer, it’s doable and we would advise and support as much as we can.

She won’t be entitled to legal aid, once she realises this she may decide to play ball.

All the best

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DadTalk Moderator...

I'm not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

I may not be legally trained... but I have plenty of experience and common sense!

Last Edit: by Mojo.

Ex is going down the legal route - what next? 4 weeks 1 day ago #98528

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Thanks.

I think the best thing I can do right now is stick to all my parenting responsibilities (which I do and have done for many years) and document everything.

As I keep saying to his mother "what is it that our child goes without or doesn't have" and she can never give me a concrete answer.

I think the biggest issue for her is that when I am not caring for our child and I make plans to do things, she doesn't understand why if she ask me to look after our child or do her a favor, I say I'm not available.

On occasion I ask for favors but they are always in advance (weeks if not months in advance) and they are few and far between. I plan months in advance and she plans days in advance. I never assume I can do anything on a day when I'm with my child so I don't even plan for it unless it is work and I can't do anything about it.

There are days in the week when I am not caring for our child that I have things planned - it might be making up time at work (which I have to do in order to be able to leave early in the days I collect from school) or things for my family - whatever. She doesn't get that at all - it seems alien to her that I can not be available - well that's part of the reason why we split up!

I have a rota that I've maintained for a few years to plan childcare and ensure we both keep aware of important dates - she has never once commented on it or looked at it. I did this so she knows (we both know even) what's ahead and then there are no arguments.

Then there was the record of spending I kept to show that I'm making a financial contribution - school fees, clothes, trips - the essentials, not me being an idiot and saying I paid for theme parks or anything. That was ignored and she complains she doesn't have money.

I do not give her the full maintenance each month. That's because I pay all the above and more which more than equals what I would give her if she had it all. I do it that way to make up for the time I'm not with our child - being responsible and organising things rather than just handing over money and forgetting about it. It isn't just about the money - you have to actually do things like go shopping, fill forms, pay for things. I offered her the money with the proviso that she now has to do the clothes shopping and pay the school bills - guess what. She wasn't interested.

Anyway, I think for now I just leave things as they are, stick to my parenting time and keep records.

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Ex is going down the legal route - what next? 4 weeks 1 day ago #98535

Good evening,

Just a bit about me I have a now 4 year old I was with the mother till he was around 2 but at the time I was doing shifts work with different days off every week so there were often arguments because when I had days off my ex said she was busy and I couldn't have my son and when she wanted cover at the weekend I wasn't available.

Contact stopped I applied for mediation wich you need for c100 form to be signed for court hearing after some advice they said if it went to court they would always try and get a parenting plan in place with parents in separate rooms and more often that it's all agreed at a early hearing,lucky we sorted it out between ourselfs and just a week later I got promoted and have weekends off it's funny how life works.

I now have my son every other weekend without fail me and my ex can now plan and we both know what's happening from 1 week to the next I know what weekend I can relax or go away with friends and what weekends I can plan activitys with my son

Without a plan for contact and how much money is exacley payed and what financially is expected if she expect any extras then there will be frequent arguments.

Child maintence should be simple to stop arguments
You don't live with the child so you pay child support and the amount you pay is based on how many overnights you do on average per week.

When the child is with you for say Friday-sunday you pay for you own time, keep some cloths at yours,some food to last the weekend and that's it keep it simple and seperated ,less arguments

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Last Edit: by Danbruno1105.

Ex is going down the legal route - what next? 4 weeks 1 day ago #98543

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From the sound of it you have a private arrangement, she could open a case with the CMS to have payments made through them, so I would be careful about withholding part of the agreed child maintenance.

In the eyes of the CMS, the less time (overnights) a paying parent spends with their child, the more maintenance they must pay.

As far as contact arrangements and child maintenance are concerned, they are entirely separate and one is not reliant on the other, in fact family t wouldn’t entertains discussion about the financial side of things when deciding child contact arrangements.

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DadTalk Moderator...

I'm not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

I may not be legally trained... but I have plenty of experience and common sense!

Ex is going down the legal route - what next? 4 weeks 1 day ago #98556

Things needs to be simplified

Child support or a dad in the house you can only choose 1

Child support=The ONLY thing you pay your ex

Weekends=when the child is with you its like they are living with you,small food shop ,go out somewhere for an adventure or playing video games,watching the f1 etc.

When your ex ask for money say I would but I pay Child support.

This is why I tell my bros a Dad or child support choose 1,I have the T shirt lol

Child support is all inclusive,embrace child support

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Ex is going down the legal route - what next? 4 weeks 1 day ago #98558

Things needs to be simplified

Child support or a dad in the house you can only choose 1

Child support=The ONLY thing you pay your ex

Weekends=when the child is with you its like they are living with you,small food shop ,go out somewhere for an adventure or playing video games,watching the f1 etc.

When your ex ask for money say I would but I pay Child support.

This is why I tell my bros a Dad or child support choose 1,I have the T shirt lol

Child support is all inclusive,embrace child support

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