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TOPIC: So stressed

So stressed 2 months 1 week ago #99266

Hello guys just need some words of wisdom and advice if any I have a son who's 5 and my ex has bipolar and can be unreasonable however contact has never been an issue I have him every other weekend,

My most recent problem was on my "child free weekend" she took the kid to the fair and text me saying that she may need to be picked up later for 19.00 I replied saying that I'm not available but I can give her a lift for 18.00 she gave me a nasty reply "your son wants to stay at the fair for longer if your not going to pick us up at 19.00 I suggest you order a taxi"(£42 taxi for the sake of wanting to stay longer by 1 hour instead of bus or my earlier lift on my weekend off)

I took a breather because I don't feel I have to give any lifts at all when I'm child free unless it's an emrgency on my weekend off I just replied "im being reasonable on my day off I have plans at 7 but I'm willing to give you an earlier lift"

She has accused me off being selfish and self centered for putting my plans ahead of my kid,but i think this isn't fair because it's not an emergency and we are not a couple plus there was also the option of the earlier bus,Since then everything has being really tense and I struggled to sleep at the weekend I even tried going to the gym but my mind is just elsewhere at the moment because her messages are so difficult to read but I can't block her because we have a kid.

Does anybody here have issues on there child free weekends,Every other weekend sounds simple but recently she either suggest we go do something on my weekend with the kids and reacts very angrily if I say I have plans with them or she gives me last second jobs on my child free ones(normally lifts) OMG I need a beer lol

I'm also nice enough to have her other child round from another guy at the weekends which is not easy when your not with the mother feel like I'm doing extra work and the mother is kicking me at the same time when it's a big favour I'm doing
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Last Edit: by Danbruno1105.

So stressed 2 months 1 week ago #99274

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...it sounds like she is taking advantage of you and trying to control you, using your child... That’s not right.

I think you have to be firm about what you do during your weekends without your child... go and have that beer And don’t feel guilty! You have nothing to feel guilty for, we are all entitled to some free time mate.

The same applies to weekends with your child, that time is yours and theirs and shouldn’t include her, unless you actually want that.

It seems she has no boundaries and little respect... perhaps some mediation might help you to lay down some ground rules. Your situation won’t improve without some effort and a period of tenseness, until she realises you won’t be played any longer.that doesn’t have to mean no more lifts or the odd favour, but it must be on your terms, if it’s your time.

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Last Edit: by Mojo.

So stressed 2 months 1 week ago #99280

As a woman I find CMS appalling! My partners nasty ex-wife has completely screwed my partner over financially & mentally! She has made false allegations against him and is continuing to cause trouble even today!

By the way, she made allegations that went to court, and she lied about it too! This has cost him money of over £500/£600 as he had to pay legal fees on top of a fine and a load of crap community service too, all because he touched her shoulder in an argument she started!

She is mentally challenged as all she cares about is money, bearing in mind she is the one who changed the 50/50 arrangement! It sickens me that the law does not prevent these narcissistic women from committing these crimes! Oh and by the way, she has been trying to claim £450/month!
It makes me angry that she is allowed to do this as this has had a massive effect on the children and all of us! She has also committed an offence against what Social Services said not to mention and I was a witness to this, which was in regards to maintenance and money and when she is going to get paid! She is nothing but a greedy whore, and apologies for calling her that, but it’s the truth!

My worry for my partner is that he is going to be financially raped by CMS for the full amount, and to be honest our lives come first before she does!

Things really needs to change regarding CSM as the ex is financially responsible for changing the agreement! The law needs to
change and should no longer support the mother for being greedy, manipulative narcissistic! This nasty individual has caused both myself and my partner so much stress. I have had to have counselling twice already because of her! Things need to change, as the children do not benefit from CMS, the mother does. Both myself and my partner want nothing to do with this toxic ex as we know that she wants round two of an argument, and we have had enough of her!

She is a jealous that we will be moving into our new house soon, and this will be something she will never have, and I will legally make sure that she is not entitled to any part of our house or finances when myself and my partner get married.

We need some advice as to how to proceed, and really to stop her from claiming more CSM?

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So stressed 2 months 1 week ago #99284

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Hi there

I’m sorry you’re struggling, but to be honest, the CMS will work on a percentage of gross income and won’t get involved with the resident parent reducing contact to increase the amount.

As you know, the CMS will reduce the amount depending on how many nights a child stays with the paying parent. If there’s dispute about this they usually take the receiving parents word, or will calculate the amount on the default position of 1 overnight stay a week.

The only way to get the CMS to agree more overnights than the mother is declaring is to get a court order for contact, in your husbands case, this would most likely entail her making the same allegations that she did previously, and the fact that your partner was convicted will impact on court proceedings. If she got away with making false allegations before , this may empower her to make further allegations... she will be entitled to legal aid funding to pay for legal representation, your partner won’t be and court costs can be in the thousands, although he does have the option of representing himself.

I wish I could tell it differently.... best of luck

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

So stressed 2 months 1 week ago #99285

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... you could increase the amount you pay into any pension schemes, the amount of pension is deducted from the gross income amount before the CMS make the calculation.

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

So stressed 2 months 1 week ago #99291

danbrunbo, if my ex offered me contact to kids in my free weekends, i would jump at it lol. but only if it was reasonable, and not trying to fleece me for money. i have a court order. before this she used to leave me waiting 30 mins when i come to pick up kids. thats stopped now.

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So stressed 2 months 1 week ago #99292

concerned partner. another thing your partner can look at is self-employed work, and get a limited company. i have been self-employed for over 5 years. whatever my accountant says i earned/withdrew in a year, thats what is told to CMS, and they go with that. i feel sorry for the dads that have perm jobs, and are getting hit hard.

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