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TOPIC: Help needed.... please!

Help needed.... please! 4 months 2 weeks ago #100244

  • Louk
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Hi all,

I’m desperately looking for some guidance or pointers as to where to go.

I split with my daughters mother 2 years ago and things have been difficult ever since. I work shifts, 3days, 3mights then 3 days off so have tried to have my daughter as much as possible, sometimes seeing her for 14 days a month, and her staying for between 7-12 nights. My ex has always said she wants a set week day and alternating weekends, this is unmanageable with my job, and I have no family local.... so I’ve been told by my ex the choice is, make it work, or don’t see her again.

She has also decided I’m not paying enough and that as the csm calculator is based on nights only I should be paying for just those, the fact I have my daughter nearly 50% of the time doesn’t register with her.

We did try mediation but after the session my ex (who doesn’t pay due to low earnings) simply said she’s not sticking to anything that was said. She then asked me to pay for more sessions, of which I declined and shut it down.

I’m at a complete loss. I feel like I’m being forced to choose between working or my daughter. I feel I can provide so much care if we worked together that it frustrates me, but I’m unsure what I can do?

Please help.....

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Help needed.... please! 4 months 2 weeks ago #100262

  • actd
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If mediation isn't achieving anything, then ask them to sigh the c100 and go to court, and tel lyour ex that is the route you are taking. You will need to work out a reasonable schedule that the court can consider, but if you know your work patterns, then that should be achievable - the court certainly want to encourage contact, so they won't agree with the mother.

As for maintenance, you may as well open a case with CMS and go by their calculation, if you don't she will and it's easier for you to close it eventually if you opened it in the first place.
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Help needed.... please! 4 months 2 weeks ago #100275

  • Louk
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Thanks for the reply. I’ve suggested a pattern that involved me having her on set days through my shifts, to include additional days in between my nights to accommodate my exes work.
This is now deemed insufficient to my ex, instead suggesting I need to have on set days ie, Wednesday or not at all. To allow this I’d need 10 weeks of leave over a year simply to care for my daughter.

I feel lost as I’m mentally feeling battered, not really sure where to go for help, and struggling financially to make ends meet.

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Help needed.... please! 4 months 1 week ago #100406

  • actd
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I'd have a word with www.stepchange.org - they are a debt charity, and it's best to speak to them as early as possible.

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