• Page:
  • 1

TOPIC: Help! Stressed and feeling like no light at the end

Help! Stressed and feeling like no light at the end 1 month 1 day ago #100646

Hi I’m new on here!
Right where to start! I’ve got two boys under the age of 5 and I’ve split from my ex 18 months ago and it was a horrible break up, long story short we Split up and after we split she called the police saying I beat her and controlled all finances, she applied for a molestation order but it didn’t go though, nothing from the police as I proved all bills where in her name and just the car and insurance was in mine, we both had personal bank accounts so that wasn’t an issue .

I’m paying child main £150 a month and still paying mortgage and bills (£1300) for a house I don’t live in, we are not married too!
We have a child arrangements me seeing the kids 2 days a week after work, but she changes it cancels a lot due to saying oh seeing family, I work so hard so to pay for everything so I work 7 days a week!

I ask to see them weekends but she always busy and only have to come to the house which stresses me out as I have to knock on the door as she changed the locks (I own half the house)

She tells me you need to see the boys more but when I do she makes it difficult like saying see them during the day which I have work, and I need to work to keep a roof over there heads

I’ve got a solicitor but he sent few letters and charged me £2k , I can’t afford to do this route but I can’t afford to keep paying for the house!
Now it stresses me out so much I’ve been so depressed and thoughts of suicide, I’m stuck on what to do a joined this forum to help me though the next steps

Hope some on can help please

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Help! Stressed and feeling like no light at the end 1 month 19 hours ago #100648

Hi
Unf this is what happened to me . You need to go to court for a child arrangement orders . Costs £215 to apply and it’s doable without solicitor barrister .on that note don’t bother wkth a solicitor as you’ve seen you get charged a lot of money for nothing .read up on here / google family court without a solicitor etc and you’ll find lots of info aboht the process .
Does your ex work ? Is she on the mortgage ?
Also as it’s your house too you can enter as you please . Be careful tho as she’s changed the locks you don’t force entry . Speak to citizens advice re that as you don’t want her calling the police saying you’ve forced entry .
If she’s on the mortgage you’re both liable to pay . If you don’t have a financial order in place remember you don’t have to give her any thing . Perhaps they will Focus her mind . It would my ex

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Help! Stressed and feeling like no light at the end 1 month 18 hours ago #100649

Hi yes she does work at home I know it’s cash tho, we are both on the mortgage, I left paying the bills till late and she was treating that I can’t see my children if I didn’t pay! I went to citizens advice in my area but they couldn’t help me as she been there for help, so I have to go to another one which I’m going to book Monday! I’ve done some googling and going to a meet that I found on family’s need dads! I’ve had no one I can talk to as I know no one in this situation

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Help! Stressed and feeling like no light at the end 1 month 16 hours ago #100651

It’s tough when they use kids to get money I’m in the same boat . Does the ex not pay towards the bills ? If she’s working and she’s got money she should be ! If you’ve moved out then tell her you’re telling the utility companies you’ve moved out and get your name off the bills . I was in the same boat and it makes you feel bad if you cut their money off but if she’s working cash in hand and she can pay her bills she should! When my ex moved out all the bills where in her name in the new place . That way if she decided to spend the maintenance on crap and not food and heat i wouldn’t be getting chased for it ..if there’s no court order for finance don’t hand over any money .

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Help! Stressed and feeling like no light at the end 1 month 5 hours ago #100660

hi Daniel,

what are your thoughts on selling up, do a 50/50 split on house equity? do you think your ex will be interested in that? if you end up going down that route, it would be better to do child arrangements c100 first. that way she can not try blackmail you in future, by saying sort out finances first if you want to see your kids.

it is a crappy situation where she doesnt let you see kids on weekends. in court the standard is see kids every other weekend to start off with.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Last Edit: by Bill337.

Help! Stressed and feeling like no light at the end 4 weeks 15 hours ago #100687

From my experience and as like me you're not married to her....your liability is a share of the mortgage and child maintenance...that's all from my experience.

you are liable for all the bills up to the point at which you left and after that they are her responsibility, contact the utility companies and them and explain when you moved out the property and you want your name off the bills as you no longer live there.

The Mortgage is different...as you're both on the mortgage you are both liable for that equally, you can refuse to pay it all and only pay 50% from the day you left and still have a claim on any equity when it comes to be sold.
However, you will need to speak with the mortgage company to arrange to pay them and they may not accept your 50% payment, you then run the risk of her refusing to pay the other 50% and if she did that you would both default and they would then look at way to recover their money from you both.

I refused to pay my share of the mortgage when I found out she'd moved another guy in...took me another 2yrs to get them to buy me out the mortgage and the mortgage company in the mean time would not release me from the liability until they bought me out.

then there comes the "Cash for Kids" part which your ex is holding over you....you don't pay to keep a roof over her head you don't get to see your kids....I hope you got that in writing from her so you can use that in court if you end up going for child arrangements order (CAO).

Sounds like she's being give the "men haters" way on how to screw you over...claims of Domestic abuse and violence...Non-mol keeps you away from her...use the kids for cash gain....all the usual that gets dragged out regardless of if you are or not!
It's sad really that some ex's resort to these tactics, taking valuable resources from organisations who try to help the victims of DV/DA when there are people out there who need those resources but can't get them because of all these fake claims!
You hear and see too much of it for it to be coincidence.

speak with the CAB

try finding a local Families Need Fathers group, most hold monthly meetings for people to go along to and get good honest experienced based advice...don't worry...they don't go dressed as Batman or Spider-Man like the Fathers4Justice guys do/did.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Dad-i-d

i'm not legally trained....i'm just a Dad going through hell to see his child grow up and become a decent man and human being.....my goal is simple...to be the father to my child like my father is to me...my hero.

Started this battle 2010.....who knows when the fighting will stop!

Parental Alienation is real and is abuse!
  • Page:
  • 1