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TOPIC: Advice Required - Childcare Responsibilities

Advice Required - Childcare Responsibilities 2 weeks 3 days ago #100862

  • Asher
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Hi Everyone, I'm after some advice.
I have recently split from my Ex and we have a 2 year old son. My Ex demanded £200p/m for maintenance and £100 towards nursery fees. I raised a case with CMS, got them to check what I rightfully owe, turns out £140. (I have my son 3 nights per week).

We made an agreement where:
week 1 (she works weekend)
My Nights =
Thurs 6pm-8:30am(nursery drop off)
Fri 6pm
Sat (All Day)
Return 630pm Sunday

Week 2 (She is off the weekend)
Tues 6pm - 8:30am (Nursery Drop Off)
Thurs 6pm - 8:30am (Nursery Drop Off)
Fri 6pm - 10am (return)

I work full time (Mon/Fri) so weekdays I can only pick him up from 6pm. She is now sending me abuse saying all I do is put my child to bed and don't spend quality time with him. (Even though I have him every other weekend) The times I have him are precious to me, and the short space of time I do have him he loves it we have fun :).

Because she is also unhappy about the CMS total, she is now saying as Fridays are technically "my day" I'm to pay his nursery fees (£140 on top of my maintenance) and arrange pickups. The original agreement was for me to take him to nursery before I go to work (To help her). She would pick him up at 1:30pm after her morning shift (She is now not willing to do), I would pick him up again at 6pm after work for my Friday Evening.

This has now escalated and if I refuse to pay his childcare she is cancelling nursery on Fridays, but because I have him Thursday night, I'm stuck with my Son without childcare unless I arrange it myself as quoted by her "Tough S*** you have him and there's no one you can return him to". This has also extended to the days and times I have agreed to return my son to her, she either tells me she is out or at work and I can't return him. When I tell her firmly she needs to pick him up from nursery because I'm at work she tells me she isn't going to turn up and she will report me for not picking my son up as it's "My Day"?
She has also threatened to drop the terms we have and I will have to have him every weekend as that's the only time I am free from work.

I'm kind of at my wits end I have stuck to my arrangements and gone above and beyond some weeks I have him 4 nights, because she can't have her way financially she is making my life very difficult. I get constant abuse when I pick my Son up and I get hurls of abuse Via text messages. (As a side note I don't reply and I leave anything in regards to my son with one word answers). Through all this I pay my way, see my son when I can, and provide everything for him when he is in my care.

I have been advised to go for shared responsibility through court as she shows no sign of being amicable with the arrangements we have. At the end of the day my "little dude" is in the centre of all this and I obviously want what's best for him and his welfare. I'm also concerned if things continue this way as a last ditch effort she will cut my access to him, which CMS said she can do quite easily and I would end up going the court route anyway?...…

Answers on a postcard? As I am literally mentally and emotionally tired with all this. I thought we had a fair arrangement?....

Kind Regards,

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Advice Required - Childcare Responsibilities 2 weeks 3 days ago #100869

Hi
Once they start using the kids to leverage or to get more money etc it only gets worse from my own experience . I should have sorted out child arrangements order before finances but you don’t think about it , no one advised me and the ex was ok at the time . Then she realised all the obligations were on me .. think court is the only way to knock it on the head and get it ordered . Also don’t give in to her ransom . You try to play the game and help but my ex just tried it on more and more

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Advice Required - Childcare Responsibilities 2 weeks 2 days ago #100873

  • Mojo
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H there

Unfortunately there are no guarantees that your shared care application would be successful, this type of order works better when the parents are able to work together and if the court recognised there was hostility between you they might not agree to it.

The fact that you already have them 3-4 nights a week could also mean that the court might think that an order isn’t necessary (the no order principle) ... you would need to show that she is threatening to cut the time your child spends with you.

Before you or your solicitor can make an application you would need to attempt mediation first.

All the best

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Advice Required - Childcare Responsibilities 2 weeks 1 day ago #100880

hi asher,

you can tell her that due to CMS involvement, you don't have to pay anything on top of the £140 a month. and she can ring them if she doesnt believe you. if she wants to cut all mid-week contact, are you happy with that, and just see kids every weekend? if i was in your shoes, i would be completely happy with that. as i get every other weekend, and a mid-week visit every other weekend (no overnight). at court i agreed to pick up kids from school for mid-week. and its becoming a bit of a pain now. youngest finishes nursery at 3pm, so i would have to leave work earlier.

if she causes trouble and doesnt let you see kids during school holidays e.g. 1 week holiday, then i think thats a good reason to go to court, then get everything structured. speak to a lawyer and see what chances of success you would have in court.

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Last Edit: by Bill337.

Advice Required - Childcare Responsibilities 2 weeks 12 hours ago #100895

  • Asher
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Hi Bill,

I have already explained about CMS amount to her. So as a way to attack me and force me into paying more, when she knows I drop him off at nursery she's not paying the nursery fees and refusing to pick my son up when he finishes (130pm) As she knows I have no choice working full time 9-5 so I have to get family to pick him up or it disrupts my work. She also is attacking me for only having my son from 6pm onwards and as she says it is my night with him on Friday I should have him all day and pay for and arrange his childcare fees.

As well as this the times and days I am meant to drop him off she tells me I can't because she is out or at work. I have been the better parent by noting all this down and keeping my son with me as to me it's extra time and to be honest how is her behaviour putting his welfare first? But I feel the only way to make her tow the line is threaten her with court or get a solicitor involved. I feel I need something written down and formalised. Not that she even has to follow this at all or just as a means of some protection in place incase she decides to cut access as a last ditch effort.

On top of all this I'm also getting text messages of abuse everyweek about I don't provide for my child. What's funny is she has a son who is 5 and the dad hasn't been around from day one. I have and always provided yet I'm tarnished with the same brush and she ended our relationship and put me in this position.

Also, sorry, did you mean you would have him every weekend? Current arrangements we made originally meant we both got a weekend free every other week. But like I said earlier she never lets me return him on my free weekend she's more interested in partying and being child free.

KR,

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Advice Required - Childcare Responsibilities 1 week 6 days ago #100916

hi,

that sounds very annoying. one of the reasons why people go to court is because they like the structured arrangement they can get out from it. so if both of you can not agree, then your better off going to court. i already received the "pay for childcare if you cant pick up kids from school" message. :) even though she doesnt work or party or anything lol.

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Last Edit: by Bill337.

Advice Required - Childcare Responsibilities 1 week 4 days ago #100945

She can't argue with the CMS figures...they are the figures.

One thing to be aware of is if she learns that reducing your contact to less than 52nights per year she can claim full child maintenance from CMS from you!

Get family to help with childcare situation while you're at work...that won't go against you in court...many working parents get help from grandparents or before and after school clubs to help around working hours.

If she likes the partying lifestyle and you can prove it....What about going for sole custody?

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Dad-i-d

i'm not legally trained....i'm just a Dad going through hell to see his child grow up and become a decent man and human being.....my goal is simple...to be the father to my child like my father is to me...my hero.

Started this battle 2010.....who knows when the fighting will stop!

Parental Alienation is real and is abuse!
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