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TOPIC: Advice on emails

Advice on emails 1 week 2 days ago #100979

  • Aqua
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Dear All
I am looking for some advice on how to respond to emails I keep receiving from my wife (going through a divorce)
We still live together but for at least 6 months I keep receiving emails of domestic abuse saying it is emotional abuse . She keeps twisting events and what was said . Now we don’t speak much but children at home . I have in the past said the contents of the emails are false and inaccurate. But I am wondering if I should reply at all ?

Thanks for any advice as I think she is storing it up for the future. Don’t know how much longer I can take the atmosphere.

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Advice on emails 1 week 2 days ago #100980

hi,

lol how childish. if abuse is going on and its so bad, why is she still there??? ask her that. you can reply to one of her emails with something like this, and keep a record of it. you can write that you consider these messages as harrassment and a nuisance, and will ignore any future emails.

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Advice on emails 6 days 23 hours ago #101013

My advice....easier said than done....but.....Don't get drawn in to email wars.....don't reply unless it's to sort arrangements out for contact with the kids. Don't bite....that's why she is doing what she's doing....she's trying to get you to bite back at her and then she'll go to people saying..."look here what he's like and I have to put up with"

Don't bite easier said than done!

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Dad-i-d

i'm not legally trained....i'm just a Dad going through hell to see his child grow up and become a decent man and human being.....my goal is simple...to be the father to my child like my father is to me...my hero.

Started this battle 2010.....who knows when the fighting will stop!

Parental Alienation is real and is abuse!

Advice on emails 6 days 19 hours ago #101016

Agree with the comments above, don't provide the ammunition it appears she is so desperately seeking!

You may want to consider (if appropriate in your current dynamic) sending a short but polite email outlining the same points discussed in this thread already:

1. That you do not accept the version of events as suggested by her, and cannot keep responding to the same things forever
2.That you are trying to be focussed on the kids, and hope the same mindset is shared by you both as parents
3. As a result, you'll only be able to respond to the aspects of messages related to your children, their wellbeing etc.
4. That you hope any future communication can bear this all mind (i.e. cut out the BS)
5. Of course, any urgent things that require your input will get a prompt response

The benefit of a message like this is that it will set your position out from early on, and save the headache of allegations that you refuse to communicate later down the road! Not sure if it's the case here, but if any messages are peppered with 1 part allegation and 1 part child-focussed, you may not want to be accused of just shutting off completely.

CD.

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Advice on emails 5 days 21 hours ago #101032

  • Toks
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I agree entirely with the points concerneddaddy has made. My son's mother would send fairly aggressive emails inferring I was neglecting our son etc. It was fairly transparent that she was trying to build up a case for overturning the court order. If I responded, she would say I was starting an argument with her and causing her significant distress. If I didn't respond, she would say her allegations were clearly true, which was why I was remaining silent. I once got a 7-pages long email rant from her about my son's contact phone calls, which chilled me to the bone as my son was with her during that period of time, so I was concerned for his well being.

I use a similar template to the one concerneddad put forward, as I think it's an ideal response to state quickly and for the record that her version of events is not accepted, as well as to state clearly that the focus should be on the children, which is an area of legitimate discussion. My response to the 7-page email I mentioned was 6 lines long, and operated along this model.

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Last Edit: by Toks. Reason: missed word

Advice on emails 4 days 5 hours ago #101058

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Thanks very much for the useful advice . I had adopted similar saying don’t accept her version but must remember the children side always.
I also keep my response to a few lines and don’t get into my version of events .
It was helpful to hear how things can be interpreted or ‘misinterpreted ‘.
I think In the long term better to arrange child arrangement through court as I can’t see her being reasonable in the future but I was trying to avoid it .

Thank you

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