• Page:
  • 1

TOPIC: Sending my daughter back to mum in her school uniform

Sending my daughter back to mum in her school uniform 4 weeks 4 hours ago #101649

Before I start, have I posted this in the right place? I'm never sure where to post things on this forum, I feel there's some blurred lines between the categories, and also noticed there's more activity in this category, so will post here for now.

As an ongoing issue, my ex keeps hold of the clothes my daughter wears back to hers from the wardrobe I have for her here for a longgggg time and has me chasing her for months before anything gets returned, and if it does indeed get returned, it's often returned unwashed, or washed but with deep-set stains (that weren't there when the clothes left my home). And yes, sometimes clothes are never seen again. It's simple logic for us rational thinkers: if the clothes leave my home and then never return, they are no longer here and I have to buy more. Needless to say, I can't do this every week, no one can.

I'd had enough of playing this little game of hers and decided to start sending my daughter back in the clothes she came in. I'd been doing this for a while and there was no issue. However, my contact recently changed, and I'm now picking my daughter up from school but then returning her to her mum on a Saturday evening. Naturally, I sent my daughter back to her mum in clothes from my place that she had been wearing as I didn't like the idea of sending her back in her school uniform on a Saturday night (she usually gets dropped off at her mum's workplace, which is public and her friend is often there, and I thought my daughter wouldn't like that, as opposed to going straight home and getting in her PJs anyway). However, the clothes issue escalated again, so I decided there was nothing else for it. I've returned her in her uniform twice now, and I've apologised to my daughter each time as I've felt bad. She's just smiled, shrugged her shoulders, and said 'I don't mind', and 'I understand'. I haven't explained that it's because her mum doesn't return the clothes as I don't want to put any unnecessary stress or worry on her and as with most things figured it would be best to let her work everything out herself as she gets older.

Anyway, today I received the inevitable email from her mum asking me to stop as it's making our daughter feel embarrassed, and although she knows why I'm doing it, I should be putting our daughters well-being first.

I would love some thoughts on this. Like I said, I don't like doing it, but if I lose items of clothing every Saturday her wardrobe will soon be empty. I'm on benefits and can't afford to buy new clothes all the time. Also, as above, my daughter didn't seem embarrassed. My ex often tells me my daughter is feeling one way or another, or has said something, but it often turns out that she's just saying how SHE feels and using our daughter as an excuse. Should I respond to her mum? If I don't email back, I feel she is going to be asking me to stop doing it in front of our daughter the next time I drop her off, at which point she will usually use our daughter as a pawn and I don't want that.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Sending my daughter back to mum in her school uniform 4 weeks 3 hours ago #101651

hi,

i am in a similar situation. i have learn't not to buy clothes for my kids and send them back to their mums in them. because i wont get them back and will just have to keep buying more clothes. and she does same nonsense. refusing to wash clothes that i originally bought the kids. so i just keep those clothes at my place and wash them. i was close to dropping the kids back in school uniform the other day. found a t-shirt and pj in the bag their mum gives. so sent them back in that.

i always send them back to mum in whatever clothes they wore when i first picked them up. it can get annoying as i have to keep track of what kids clothes belong to me and the ex. keep separate bags.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Sending my daughter back to mum in her school uniform 4 weeks 2 hours ago #101654

I have this issue too, what do they not understand about sharing/returning clothes.

The children get dropped to mine on a Monday morning before school. One morning I had to go to the shops and purchase school shoes before school as they were not included in the bag.

Just wonder do they do these things on purpose to make our life’s harder.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Sending my daughter back to mum in her school uniform 3 weeks 6 days ago #101657

  • Toks
  • Toks's Avatar
  • Offline
  • Junior Boarder
  • Junior Boarder
  • Posts: 58
  • Thank you received: 13
I think mothers with this particular mindset do this deliberately. Just imagine the indignation if you did the same.

When my son was smaller I could work out which of the clothes I put him in that his mother didn't like (because it didn't suit the style she wanted for him) as he always came back to me in, so I made sure he was in those when he went to his mum. During the school holidays, it's easy just to put him in the clothes he came to me in.

In your current situation you could tell her upfront that the reason why you've had to put your daughter in her school uniform when dropping her off at the weekend because all the clothes you've bought her keep ending up at her mother's, so what other choice do you have, as that's the position she's put both you and you're daughter in. The onus is on her to stop hoarding your daughter's clothes.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Sending my daughter back to mum in her school uniform 3 weeks 6 days ago #101660

  • Yoda
  • Yoda's Avatar
  • Offline
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 2634
  • Thank you received: 439
Tricky one as your daughter is the one getting caught in the middle and shouldn't really be aware of these issues.

Perhaps alter where / when you collect her from? Ask the mother to send clothes to school with your daughter on that day?

Another idea is to get some super cheap primark / asda t-shirts or sweatshirts and at least you can add that to the trousers or skirt of the uniform?

Whilst I understand the frustration of these situations, in the scheme of things, they're relatively small issues

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

DAD.info Moderator

I have several years experience supporting parents in family proceedings as a McKenzie Friend. I am, however, not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.
  • Page:
  • 1