Hi all. I lost my separated dads account and been trying to find a fourm like this for a while. I'm currently going through separation with the stbx we have 2 kids and still living under the same roof. Kinda struggling with it all...the thought of what we are doing to the kids hurts me. But I need away from my cheating partner. Not much happening at the moment she happy to keep things as it is for now. BUT I'M NOT. Some advice would be very much appreciated.
There is a families need fathers meeting coming up so going to try and make that. I need some help as she has many friends advising her. She is way ahead of me and I'm just waiting for her to tell me what she is doing. I need to get a plan myself.
Yeah we need to talk...atm we don't talk. It's just a bad atmosphere in the house. Since we decided it was time to split we haven't spoken much about it. Only thing she has said is that she will leave. But I'm going to speak to her this week...tell her best if we just sell up split the money and move on...don't think she will like that but I will try. And yes I'm looking for every second weekend and 1 or 2 nights a week. Not sure what she will say about that but will try for that also. And money wise I'm going to suggest that we cancel the joint bank account and start paying bills another way so I can sort out my finances for my mortgage for another place....this will not go down to we'll. As I'm paying most of the house bills. She has contacted the housing so is just waiting on a house (witch she has not told me) and looked into her universal credits (again witch she has not told me about. Not sure if she is getting them already or not) it's killing me doing this to the kids but I need to as it's killing me living under the same roof with her. Sorry about this long reply.
be very careful about the joint bank account. if i were you i would move this up the list of priorities. if your talks go down very bad and hostile, then she could easily just empty that account and vanish. its very easy for people to play the council housing system. they just claim homelessness, abuse at home. then they are given a temporary place to stay until something permanent turns up.
I agree, assume a join account will be emptied - you could speak to the bank to tell them and possibly change it so that both signatures are required for large withdrawals, and if there is an app, set up text alerts.
Hi.. Please keep an eye on the joint account. My wife emptied ours back in June this year. She cleared the lot out. Part of it was my army pension. She left me homeless aswell. The bank could not do a thing about it as it was a joint account. Be very aware that your Mrs can and probably will turn into someone you don't know anymore.
Get your name off the joint account ASAP . My bank only needed my signature . If the Ex clears it out there’s nothing you can do . Likewise same if the other way . Once it goes sour there’s no goodwill . Mine took all she could from the account ...
Thanks for the advice guys....this is a worry for me this joint bank account that we have. We pay all the bills from this. A few weeks ago I seem that she has paid a 700 quid into her bank a cheque then took it out and put it into a different account...one that I didn't know she had....not sure where the money came from...mybe she is getting universal credits already is what I'm thinking as I seen paper work she had that must be near that amount...but not sure. So she defo has a plan and being very sneaky about it. I was going to suggest that we close the joint account and pay the bills another way 50/50 so she can apply for her universal credits and I can start to sort out a mortgage....just so she dosent spit the dummy out. ( she is a hot head so I need to tread carefully ). Not sure how she can be getting her credit's unless she is saying I'm not there anymore or I'm not paying my way. I seen all this on the fly so if I comfont her about it it won't go down to we'll. This is why I need to push for the sale of the house. She is a sneaky and with all her friends advising her I do feel like I'm going to get shafted.
I see that the dad's have be giving you really good advice which is good. I'm a mum I want to make a few points about the emotional side of things.
You definitely need to talk to her find out her thoughts and feelings. I think it will be tough seems you are looking to end things and she isn't, she is going to be upset.
Some people can get through being cheated on through help like couple counseling others can't I feel that you are ready to end things with her and move on your just worried for you children which is very understandable it is going to be tough for them.
But if you can't give them the loving home they deserve with your wife (which isn't your fault she has betrayed you and the children, I think she should be the one feeling guilty not you!) my opinion is it's better to break up because I think you will cause them more damage in the long run is you stay together because you can still be a good father.
I hope your wife is reasonable about things please don't listen to things like she won't be that's not going to help you, you need to keep positive for you children because at the end of the day your love for you children will stay the same whether you are together with her or not.