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TOPIC: Lured to nursery

Lured to nursery 2 weeks 14 hours ago #102070

  • Aqua
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hi all
Recently my wife called me from the nursery saying she has locked herself out of the car and needed me to come with the spare key from our house we both live in but going through a divorce.
When I got there 20 minutes later she was not to be seen but sent the nursery manager out saying she was too anxious scared to come out and wanted me to hand over the keys to the manager and give her the spare keys .
I refused (on the basis I don’t hand over keys to a stranger )and she came out and the door opened and she got the keys out from her handbag .

My concern is she involving nursery staff now trying to paint a picture she is scared of me when there is no such thing . This on a background of months of emails accusing of emotional domestic abuse .

Whilst nothing happened yet she is clearly setting me up ?
She is the controlling person . Unfortunately the staff will see her as the anxious mother and believe her no doubt .
Not sure at this stage what I can do ? If anything ?

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Lured to nursery 2 weeks 14 hours ago #102071

My wife is doing the same. Although she had no problem seeing me and talking to me before this entire storm kicked off, she asks for screens in court and separate waiting rooms because she has decided to be scared of me now? I know she does not want to see me/talk to me, because she is worried I am going to ask her why she made up such horrific lies.

unfortunately, women use their skill of playing the afraid/abused woman, and everyone laps it up. Just keep doing what you are doing, document every call or text she sends you. If you can, record your calls, as it is odd that she called you to help but then hid from you?

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Lured to nursery 2 weeks 12 hours ago #102073

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My son's mother has behaved in a similar fashion, and tries to paint a similar picture. For this reason, I keep contact with her as indirect (text messages) or as brief and public (handovers happen in a public space) as possible. I will only engage in any sort of direct conversation with her in person - which is sometimes necessary - in the presence of others.

All you can do is show that you are focused on your child, be yourself, and if possible become as engaged as you reasonably can with the nursery. One of the problems I found when my son was in nursery was because my son's mother rarely permitted me doing the school run to or from nursery, the staff didn't get to know me. When my son started at primary school I made sure I was connected and engaged with school on my own terms from the very start, and was on a far more equal footing. This primary school has been far more perceptive at seeing my son's mother is not at straightforward as she might initially have appeared to be, and all I've had to do is just be myself and focus on my son.

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Lured to nursery 2 weeks 3 hours ago #102090

hi Aqua,

going forward, dont repeat this. if shes locked out of her car or stranded on a mountain, tell her to ring AA. theres no telling what shes up to.
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Lured to nursery 2 weeks 2 hours ago #102094

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I agree entirely, you need to protect yourself, and you are also no longer obliged to assist her because she's been stupid.

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Lured to nursery 2 weeks 1 hour ago #102101

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Hi Ferfer.
I absolutely agree with you. My wife was okish, one day. The next I'm arrested for allegations of DV. How quickly she changed, when I found out she was cheating again.. she also had screens around her in court aswell. Like you, my wife couldn't look at me, after she stole all the money from our account, and left me homeless. She doesn't want to see the hurt and pain in my eyes. Cause of what she done to me. Now I'm fighting to see my children, against a woman who I was married to for 14 years, who I stupidly thought loved and cared for me. Just how wrong I was...

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Lured to nursery 1 week 6 days ago #102132

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If you're having any communication at all, perhaps ask her why she did that in email or text?

It does sound like she's trying to build a picture, so I would be very wary. At the very least, your call log would show she called you, not the other way around.

It might be worth taking some advice from the police or at least asking them to log the incident if they will.

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I have several years experience supporting parents in family proceedings as a McKenzie Friend. I am, however, not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

Lured to nursery 1 week 5 days ago #102147

Yes she is setting you up.

There is good advice all over this site and I followed it just in time.

The main point to get into your own head is you are no longer in a relationship with her it is not your job to sort out her issues like this especially with someone who is trying to get you in trouble. She needs to go to other people or organisations to help her.

So block her phone number(s) on your phone so all her calls go to voicemail. Only respond to voicemails and messages where it is a direct emergency involving your child. (This is not one)

For all other issues respond by email later in the day/next day simply stating that as you are separated she should contact [name of appropriate organisation] to help her.

Keep doing this until she stops calling and messaging you with her problems. Do not send emails later than 9pm or earlier than about 8am as she will try to use the time of emails to claim harrassment later when she runs to the police/court with harrassment allegations.

If she is then abusive on the phone in any voicemail as she knows she is being recorded then you can use this in Court if necessary.

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Lured to nursery 1 week 5 days ago #102149

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Greengage wrote: If she is then abusive on the phone in any voicemail as she knows she is being recorded then you can use this in Court if necessary.


In addition to this, you can get apps to allow you to record phone conversations - get one of these and tell her at the start of the conversation she is being recorded - this will allow you to use it in court, but actually, more likely, it will stop her being abusive in the first place.

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Lured to nursery 1 week 5 days ago #102151

This is standard practice I'm afraid so don't fall for it, try and avoid any incidents like this the best you can and log it all down like has been suggested, My ex did the same and she had everyone believe I was a controlling abusive nutter Cafcass, Her health visitor, social services, the contact centre manager and staff all fell for it and she even got them all to write to the court explaining how my ex feared for her safety because of me, all this just made court worse and dragged everything out for longer, I help 10's of dads through court and the way the mother acts is a carbon copy of each case.

Keep on trucking mate

all the best

Slim :)
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I'm no way trained in Family court matters so don't take my ramblings as gospel but I've been through the Court mill and learned so much along the way I just like passing my experience on to other Dads who face this absolute nightmare from hell, you might not be able to beat the system but don't let it beat you :)

Lured to nursery 1 week 5 days ago #102153

actd wrote:

Greengage wrote: If she is then abusive on the phone in any voicemail as she knows she is being recorded then you can use this in Court if necessary.


In addition to this, you can get apps to allow you to record phone conversations - get one of these and tell her at the start of the conversation she is being recorded - this will allow you to use it in court, but actually, more likely, it will stop her being abusive in the first place.


My ex didn't hence blocking her number and all her calls going to voicemail. Due to the content of the voicemails and her other actions I ended up getting an undertaking against her. This stopped that particular set of behaviour.

She attempted to twist the entire thing when it came to child arrangements but the Judge wasn't interested as it had been dealt with.

She actually told the Judge me not talking to her on the phone at all was being controlling and abusive as she would like to chat about our children!

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Lured to nursery 1 week 4 days ago #102187

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Did you marry my ex? :o

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