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TOPIC: New to this..

New to this.. 7 months 21 hours ago #102113

Hi all,

New to this forum thing!

Have sought advice from multiple agencies and have decided to have a go at chatting with people in similar situations because I need someone to talk to!

Currently in the process of waiting to hear back from the court for a C79 application.

How long does this take?

what's the success rate?

Any advice is welcomed.

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New to this.. 7 months 17 hours ago #102124

  • Bill337
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hi,

whats the reason for enforcement. completely stopping you from seeing kids or something else?

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New to this.. 7 months 16 hours ago #102129

  • Yoda
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Hi, the first hearing is usually listed 6-8 weeks from the court receiving the application.

The outcomes usually depend on what the situation is and whether the courts need to give the mother a reminder to stick to the order or whether some sort of variation should happen.

At the extreme end, courts do enforce orders.

You would need to give us a bit more information really.

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DAD.info Moderator

I have several years experience supporting parents in family proceedings as a McKenzie Friend. I am, however, not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

New to this.. 6 months 4 weeks ago #102190

Hi both,

Thanks for your reply!

Contact order was granted in July this year.

Order was overnight stays every 2 weeks Fri 6pm - Sun 6pm, a week in Feb or Oct holidays, a week over Easter, 2 weeks over summer holidays, special occasions, a few hours in the week after school and other contact as agreed by parties.

Contact has never happened per the order since overnight stays.. ex refuses to discuss additional time, special occasions and is very rigid with what she wants.. I feel as if she is completely interpreting the order to suit her and isn't reading what is in there! She has got daughter to say she wants to stay with me every weekend between a set time and not see me in the week unless school holidays..
I raised daughter's request with ex who refused to discuss the matter saying it was our daughter's wishes and she would not go against them (despite CAFCASS already doing a report involving daughter and her wishes before order was granted and no reps being raised at court..)

I stuck to the contact for a month as ex was adamant I should listen to our daughter and insinuated if I went against wishes there was no alternative. Throughout this I was mentioning more time with my daughter who showed no issues with it. After a few weeks, I decided that we needed to work towards the order, there was no flexibility from ex and it was everything set to suit her and I was not getting the time I was entitled to.
I told ex to work to the order and she said she would tell out daughter I couldn't do what she wanted. That weekend, all contact stopped when went to pick daughter up.. long story short, met at the door by daughter and ex. Daughter was chatty and excitable about to get ready to come with me until ex said daughter didn't want to come but didn't want to tell me. This put our daughter in between us causing her conflict and upset and I left without her.

I have not seen her since or been able to contact her. I text every week asking for contact but ex replies saying daughter is feeling anxiety and doesn't want to see me. She has asked I consider mediation but we did mediation and it didn't work hence the order!

She has since said daughter is engaging with a counsellor and is saying our relationship is causing her to need this.

I have applied to enforce as I am now no longer having contact and can't understand why daughter's feelings have changed so dramatically.. I phoned CAFCASS about the new contact she was pushing every weekend and they said it was not enough and wasn't quality time and said to ask for order.

I'm just worried court will look badly on me for pushing the enforcement through and not trying mediation though CAFCASS, the court and other channels i've accessed have all said back to court to enforce

Ex is seemingly mother of the year since contact stopped, saying the right things in messages. Only saving grace is I have messages of her being difficult throughout the process and contact has only stopped since I tried to get her to comply with the order.

There are no issues with my daughter when she is with me.. all the issues I get are when she is home with mum and as her mum is her advocate I am distrustful of what message is being relayed as it just doesn't marry up with how my daughter is!

I have spoken with school who have said daughter has mentioned anxieties but only in areas I have discussed with her mother and not her which means ex is telling her everything which is conflicting her and causing unnecessary stress.. very sad, I'm worried for her emotional welfare!

Advice is appreciated.

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New to this.. 6 months 4 weeks ago #102203

I dint think you should worry about the court thinking badly of you. You are well within your rights to push the enforcement through. Sounds like she is using your daughter to hurt you. Think the courts will not be happy with your ex. She is the one that is breaking this order not you and your poor daughter is stuck in the middle. Good luck bud. Hope it gets sorted out soon.

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New to this.. 6 months 4 weeks ago #102212

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I agree - she is the one in contempt of court, and that's what they don't like, so don't worry about that aspect.

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New to this.. 6 months 4 weeks ago #102227

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hi,

so your ex suggested you see your child every weekend, fri-sun? thats a lot better than every other weekend. and if i was offered that, i would dump the 3-4 hours mid-week contact i get every 2 weeks.

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New to this.. 6 months 3 weeks ago #102237

Hi,

No she didn't offer that, she offered Saturday am until Sunday mid afternoon every week.

Daughter showed concerns to me about not having 'mummy weekends' and as I now work every alternate Saturday I can't collect at set time every week and as ex won't allow anyone else to collect daughter.. it wasn't going to work.

Also as we had the order, I felt that we should have been complying with it.. I would have been happy to make alternative suggestions to suit us both but ex refused to discuss anything other than what was offered by her and certainly would not pay to vary the order.

The court also agreed school holiday times, special occasions and 3-4 hours after school every week but ex refused to discuss this and interpretes the order her own way so all I was getting was the one overnight stay a week a week between set times with a drop off in the middle of the day so we couldn't go anywhere or do much on Sunday as had to leave for 2.15ish to drop off for 3pm.

Don't get me wrong, I was happy seeing my little girl every week but it was a struggle to not have any flexibility or input. I wanted more time at the weekend and everything else I was entitled to in the order but any discussion was refused so I felt no option but to ask for the order as it's a legal document and carries warnings etc.

I have had a date through for court in 5 weeks time now.. Don't know whether to contact and see if they can speed it up as it'll be close to 12 weeks since contact by the time it's heard..

Worth a try?

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Last Edit: by smurfette.

New to this.. 6 months 3 weeks ago #102238

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hi,

i see. my ex wanted sat-sun every other week on perm basis. she didnt get her way in court. you need more time for days out. yes you should ring court and see if any closer dates are available.

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New to this.. 3 months 3 weeks ago #104146

Hi,

Long time and plenty to update on!

Hearing went well, the panel were not very happy about ex breaching and shut her down on multiple occasions.

She alleged she has entered LG into therapy and is also seeking local support from SS to help our relationship so court ordered CAFCASS to do further safeguarding checks and session was adjourned for another date.. which kinda bit her in the butt!

Courted ordered the arrangements order was to be adhered to in the meantime and also enforced it. (which was what I originally went for..so that's a win!)

Numerous breaches and twisting of the order happened in the weeks that followed court session rolled around again and sadly adjourned again.

In the meantime, order is still to be adhered to.. Ex has been asked to supply a statement as to why she breached the order all the times she has and to supply a legitimate reason for doing so.

I have been asked to supply my "variations" as I asked the court to make the order black and white without any room for ambiguity for individual interpretation.

Can anyone offer advice on how to set this out?

Will this be a position statement?

I am going to ask for a little bit more contact as at present the ambiguous wording means ex is only allowing me as little as she can get away with but it's hard to maintain relationship especially as LG comes back each time as if reset switch has been flipped and we start again each time.. the alienation is SO REAL.

I am going to request:
Fri (school pick up) - Mon (school drop off) bi weekly
Wednesday (school pick up) - Friday (school drop off) bi weekly (on weeks I don't have weekend contact)
Special occasions, Christmas, birthdays etc.
Be allowed to take on holiday.

What are your thoughts? Do you think they will allow this?
I am hoping to see LG every week to keep contact regular and try reduce the time between visits which seems to cause LG to act distant.
I wish to have an active role in her education and feel the contact in the week would allow me to have an insight into her schooling which can only benefit her if both parents take an interest!

I had also considered instead of the school night overnights, to request a couple of days every week I see her but I didn't feel the time was sufficient to allow me to have an active interest in her schooling/homework/reading homework etc as we live 20 minutes away and if I wanted to take her home to my house, 40 minutes of the time would be spent travelling and would make the time a little bit rushed to get her home for bedtime..

Any help is appreciated.

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New to this.. 3 months 3 weeks ago #104147

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hi,

good to hear from you again. i am going through similar process. i went back to court the other week to ask for extra time.

i asked for 5pm fri - mon morning school drop every other week. wed-thu midweek overnight every week. half of school hols. reason i put 5pm is ex breached order during school holidays. wanted me to be at her door for 15:30. i turned up later, so from 4pm she blocked me from taking kids on the friday. like you i asked for order to be well-defined, with fixed times. so ex can't mess around in future. Last year court gave fri-sun and 3-4 hrs midweek every other week. i feel this isn't enough for kids and ex gave me good reasons to return to court.

can you check your court papers for the next hearing. what exactly is it asking you to prepare?

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Last Edit: by Bill337.

New to this.. 3 months 3 weeks ago #104149

Hi Bill

Thanks for your quick reply!

What did the court think of your proposal for a little extra time?

I originally wanted 50/50 but I know this is going to be so hard to get so I thought I would ask for a little more than CAFCASS have said in their report in the hope it's more agreeable to the court and less disruptive to LG.

What did they think about the in-week overnights specifically?

I want fixed times for the same reason.. ex detailed in a message the order doesn't have set dates/times *facepalm* so wiggles it to suit.

I do feel the current time of 6pm pick up on friday is a pain in the holidays which is why I'm asking for school pick up time.. LG is also shattered by the time I pick her up and it's pretty much straight in and bed which isn't the best use of time I feel..

I wish there could be some unity between the ex and I so I didn't have to make it strict but she just doesn't like me anymore and for that LG suffers.

A little research on the net suggests a position statement is best to display what my requests are which, if the other side agrees, can be put into place on the day.. It was verbal request from the court.. didn't get any new paperwork but I'm thinking this will be the best way to present.

She needs to look reasonable because at present the past 2 hearings the court haven't looked too fondly on her so I'm hoping to get the additional time..I feel it's perfectly reasonable.

I'm also hoping CAFCASS will have an active role for a bit of time after as I am concerned about LG's dysfunctional home life and the alienation from adult family members.

I completely sympathise with you about all of this, it's a nightmare but until LG is old enough to make her own decisions, I won't stop fighting.

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Last Edit: by smurfette.
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