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TOPIC: New to this..

New to this.. 1 week 6 days ago #102113

Hi all,

New to this forum thing!

Have sought advice from multiple agencies and have decided to have a go at chatting with people in similar situations because I need someone to talk to!

Currently in the process of waiting to hear back from the court for a C79 application.

How long does this take?

what's the success rate?

Any advice is welcomed.

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New to this.. 1 week 6 days ago #102124


whats the reason for enforcement. completely stopping you from seeing kids or something else?

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New to this.. 1 week 6 days ago #102129

  • Yoda
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Hi, the first hearing is usually listed 6-8 weeks from the court receiving the application.

The outcomes usually depend on what the situation is and whether the courts need to give the mother a reminder to stick to the order or whether some sort of variation should happen.

At the extreme end, courts do enforce orders.

You would need to give us a bit more information really.

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DAD.info Moderator

I have several years experience supporting parents in family proceedings as a McKenzie Friend. I am, however, not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

New to this.. 1 week 4 days ago #102190

Hi both,

Thanks for your reply!

Contact order was granted in July this year.

Order was overnight stays every 2 weeks Fri 6pm - Sun 6pm, a week in Feb or Oct holidays, a week over Easter, 2 weeks over summer holidays, special occasions, a few hours in the week after school and other contact as agreed by parties.

Contact has never happened per the order since overnight stays.. ex refuses to discuss additional time, special occasions and is very rigid with what she wants.. I feel as if she is completely interpreting the order to suit her and isn't reading what is in there! She has got daughter to say she wants to stay with me every weekend between a set time and not see me in the week unless school holidays..
I raised daughter's request with ex who refused to discuss the matter saying it was our daughter's wishes and she would not go against them (despite CAFCASS already doing a report involving daughter and her wishes before order was granted and no reps being raised at court..)

I stuck to the contact for a month as ex was adamant I should listen to our daughter and insinuated if I went against wishes there was no alternative. Throughout this I was mentioning more time with my daughter who showed no issues with it. After a few weeks, I decided that we needed to work towards the order, there was no flexibility from ex and it was everything set to suit her and I was not getting the time I was entitled to.
I told ex to work to the order and she said she would tell out daughter I couldn't do what she wanted. That weekend, all contact stopped when went to pick daughter up.. long story short, met at the door by daughter and ex. Daughter was chatty and excitable about to get ready to come with me until ex said daughter didn't want to come but didn't want to tell me. This put our daughter in between us causing her conflict and upset and I left without her.

I have not seen her since or been able to contact her. I text every week asking for contact but ex replies saying daughter is feeling anxiety and doesn't want to see me. She has asked I consider mediation but we did mediation and it didn't work hence the order!

She has since said daughter is engaging with a counsellor and is saying our relationship is causing her to need this.

I have applied to enforce as I am now no longer having contact and can't understand why daughter's feelings have changed so dramatically.. I phoned CAFCASS about the new contact she was pushing every weekend and they said it was not enough and wasn't quality time and said to ask for order.

I'm just worried court will look badly on me for pushing the enforcement through and not trying mediation though CAFCASS, the court and other channels i've accessed have all said back to court to enforce

Ex is seemingly mother of the year since contact stopped, saying the right things in messages. Only saving grace is I have messages of her being difficult throughout the process and contact has only stopped since I tried to get her to comply with the order.

There are no issues with my daughter when she is with me.. all the issues I get are when she is home with mum and as her mum is her advocate I am distrustful of what message is being relayed as it just doesn't marry up with how my daughter is!

I have spoken with school who have said daughter has mentioned anxieties but only in areas I have discussed with her mother and not her which means ex is telling her everything which is conflicting her and causing unnecessary stress.. very sad, I'm worried for her emotional welfare!

Advice is appreciated.

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New to this.. 1 week 3 days ago #102203

I dint think you should worry about the court thinking badly of you. You are well within your rights to push the enforcement through. Sounds like she is using your daughter to hurt you. Think the courts will not be happy with your ex. She is the one that is breaking this order not you and your poor daughter is stuck in the middle. Good luck bud. Hope it gets sorted out soon.

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New to this.. 1 week 3 days ago #102212

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I agree - she is the one in contempt of court, and that's what they don't like, so don't worry about that aspect.

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New to this.. 1 week 3 days ago #102227


so your ex suggested you see your child every weekend, fri-sun? thats a lot better than every other weekend. and if i was offered that, i would dump the 3-4 hours mid-week contact i get every 2 weeks.

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New to this.. 1 week 2 days ago #102237


No she didn't offer that, she offered Saturday am until Sunday mid afternoon every week.

Daughter showed concerns to me about not having 'mummy weekends' and as I now work every alternate Saturday I can't collect at set time every week and as ex won't allow anyone else to collect daughter.. it wasn't going to work.

Also as we had the order, I felt that we should have been complying with it.. I would have been happy to make alternative suggestions to suit us both but ex refused to discuss anything other than what was offered by her and certainly would not pay to vary the order.

The court also agreed school holiday times, special occasions and 3-4 hours after school every week but ex refused to discuss this and interpretes the order her own way so all I was getting was the one overnight stay a week a week between set times with a drop off in the middle of the day so we couldn't go anywhere or do much on Sunday as had to leave for 2.15ish to drop off for 3pm.

Don't get me wrong, I was happy seeing my little girl every week but it was a struggle to not have any flexibility or input. I wanted more time at the weekend and everything else I was entitled to in the order but any discussion was refused so I felt no option but to ask for the order as it's a legal document and carries warnings etc.

I have had a date through for court in 5 weeks time now.. Don't know whether to contact and see if they can speed it up as it'll be close to 12 weeks since contact by the time it's heard..

Worth a try?

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Last Edit: by smurfette.

New to this.. 1 week 2 days ago #102238


i see. my ex wanted sat-sun every other week on perm basis. she didnt get her way in court. you need more time for days out. yes you should ring court and see if any closer dates are available.

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